My dad needs to take this medicine that's an ointment and he's supposed put a little 'glop' of it on his stomach and cover it so it can absorb through the skin. But...here's the weird thing...this medicine did NOT include any type of bandage to do it with. What's up with that??? So I went digging through the medicine cabinet to see if I had any Tegaderm patches. I know these patches well because I used them with Bub to apply numbing cream for 'pokies'. I still had an almost full box of Tegaderms AND boxes of EMLA and ELAmax (aka numbing cream) sitting in the cabinet.
I had this weird thought of 'those are long expired' and tossed them only to pull them out seconds later to put them right back in the cabinet. They have his name on the RX label. Sometimes it's almost like I can't let go of those things.. kinda like they're some sort of 'proof' he was here or something. Weird and irrational, I know. (I really should at least toss the tubes of cream, since they're no good for anybody at this point)
Well I showed my dad how to use the patches, careful to shove images of their use with Bub to the back corners of my mind. But later retelling this, I was so overcome. Tegaderms really do symbolize a lot. All those port accesses, blood draws and BMA's (bone marrow aspirates). EMLA and those patches were a regular 'routine' part of our lives. And the last time I had handled that box and those bandages, he was alive.
Sometimes it frustrates me how grief seeps in when I least expect it.
3 comments:
Dear blogging friend, my heart is with you. I understand just what you are saying. We used the same things; I also have of "stash" of medical supplies that are part of our "family history" now, and our sweet girl's care. It's not crazy to feel attachment to things that represent Bub's life to you. Sending you a cyber-hug. God bless you.
Raising my hand to agree. We have a lot of medications and supplies still. There is a whole drawer in the dining room full of the stuff. I haven't been able to clean it out yet. I am in no hurry. As with other such tasks I just wait until I am compelled to do it and then I do. When I was rearranging furniture in Nathan's room I found a blue cap that had been on the end of a bag of medicine. I spent so many years doing all that medical stuff. I miss it. It was part of my care of him and I miss taking care of him so I miss the medical stuff too.
I feel the same way about the labels. Proof that he was here.
Hey Kay,
Thanks for stopping by today. It's so nice to meet you.
I'm so sorry about your precious son.
One of my closest friends lost her son to neuroblastoma also. Have you met Tonya?
I don't think I could give up anything that was my child's.
My mom lost her 18 year old son, and hung on to his stuff for many, many years. It brought her so much comfort.
Your son will never be forgotten.
One day I'll have the honor of meeting him on the other side, I'll look forward to that!
Have a blessed day~
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