Sparkly Green Earrings

Y’all. I have been waiting. And waiting. And watching the calendar to see when Melanie’s new book was coming out.

And then I read on Boo Mama’s blog that she had seen it on the shelf EARLY at Lifeway where she lives. And I became on woman on a mission.

With a coupon.

I called Lifeway and they said they had two on the shelf. So I was on my way. When I got there I looked all the places I thought it was going to be, but couldn’t find it. So I asked about it. And the guy said he had a box full in the back for the Dot Mom conference so he just went back there and got me one. I was so excited.

I immediately dove into reading. But I struggled because I wanted to inhale it but I also wanted it to last forever because it was that good! But I managed to find a happy medium and stretch it out over a few days.

And y’all…it is so good! It’s not a bunch of recycled blog posts and I was thankful for that. It’s fresh and new, but it reads exactly like the voice we’re used to “hearing” on her blog. It is sweet and touching while being laugh out loud funny at the same time. A joy from beginning to end.

It doesn’t matter whether you are early on in your mothering or have a bunch of few years of parenting under your belt like me, you will love it.

In the immortal words of Larry the Cucumber…”I laughed, I cried. It moved me, Bob.” I know I’m old, but I can still quote Veggie Tales.

And we all know that’s one of the lesser known skills of being a mother.

In other words…buy it. Read it. You’ll be glad you did.

The end.

Please click here to see the trailer for the book. It is just precious and a must see, in my opinion. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to make it show up even though I got the html imbedded. So I had to add the linky. Sorry. : )

reading the book

It’s no secret that I’ve been down in the dumps lately. Not at all.

I know I have so much to be thankful for, and yet my heart aches for reasons unknown to me.

So I did what I have done in years past. I went searching for something to sooth my soul. I found a book that sounds very good. I searched online to see if I could pick it up at my local Christian book store. I wasn’t sure from the website. So I thought perhaps I could call and see if they had it in stock.

I’m all about instant gratification, so things like this, even though petty, really bug me.

But before I could pick up the phone or whip out my credit card, something stopped me.

I didn’t need another book to read.

I already have a Book to read.

And the one who wrote it thinks I am precious and had me on His heart when He penned it.

What better Book for me to read when my heart is crying out for something.

Something that only He can fill.

Disclaimer…I don’t have a problem with books. I love books and know they can be very helpful in our walk with God. But for me, for this moment, another book isn’t what I need. I need Him.

a reminder

Because sometimes I need to be reminded…

…of who I am.

a long {medical} week

Monday I went to my breast surgeon…and finally got released from her. Glad THAT was done.

Tuesday was my onc. I love him. I hate the drive, but I love him so much. I have decided that I will never wear my fake boobs when I go visit him because he can just pull up my shirt and do his thing and it’s a lot less drama than having to change into a gown. So there’s that. So Tuesday I was wearing a Christian tshirt (in my new size, since everything I own is too big) and he pulled it smooth so he could read what it said then asked where we go to church. I told him Bla Bla Baptist and he said “ah, Baptist, I love Baptist!” in his very thick Columbian accent. I wish I had asked him where HE goes to church. I really feel like he is a fellow Christian as well, but I failed to ask. {my bad} But anyway, the first question he asked me was how the meds he prescribed are doing. And so the first thing I had to tell him was that I wasn’t taking them. This…THIS was the moment that had me worried about my appointment for months. I didn’t take what he wanted me to take and I was dreading telling him so. When I read about the drug he wanted to put me on, it freaked me out, so I stayed on the supplement (natural alterative to tamoxifen) I started taking the first time I saw the integrative doctor (before I saw this onc..so I have been on it a long time now..relatively speaking). So I handed him my original blood work and my newest blood work from integrative dr guy and he was impressed. He asked me what I was taking and googled it and read about it while I sat there watching him, scared silly about what he was thinking or might say. Then he said he wishes the FDA would do clinical trials on things like this and that he can’t tell people to take something like that. But he was happy with my lowered estrone (the ‘bad part’ of estrogen) numbers. He was also very complimentary of everything integrative dr is doing and said he is a ‘good man’. Made me feel good that he is happy with the care I’m getting.

I think both my doctors for this are good men. My integrative doctor was very forward about his own faith at my first visit and he and his nurse prayed over me before I left. THAT’s unusual. So I do feel cared for and that’s a nice feeling. : )

I had blood work and then learned that I would find out the next day if something was amiss. So I guess this is how it will go from here on out..have appointment then wait on pins and needles for the following day to pass. Not fun. : /  But I don’t see my onc again for six months. Woot.

Yesterday I took my girl to the ortho…and our favorite girl, L has taken another job. We didn’t even get to say good-bye to her. It was very sad. The  other girls are sweet, but they’re just not ‘L’. I think I am going to try to find a way to contact her somehow.

And today I went to the dentist for a cleaning..and found out I have two tiny cavities. Bleh. 

And with that, my medical week has come to a close.

Hubs just called and he’s not working tomorrow. So the weekend is starting early…and I couldn’t be more ready. Happy weekend, y’all.

on abiding

This was in my reading this morning before church. The words are so simple, yet so beautiful. I had to share. : )

As its light opens on your waking eyes, accept it in these terms: A day, just one day only, but still a day, given to abide and grow up in Jesus Christ. Whether it be a day of health or sickness, joy or sorrow, rest or work, of struggle or victory, let the chief thought with which you receive it in the morning thanksgiving be this: “This is the day that the Father has given; in it I may, I must, become more closely united with Jesus.”

-Andrew Murray from Abide in Christ

a chance meeting

A while back during my hiatus here I went on a little trip. I don’t like to fly. I used to but not so much anymore.

But I flew.

I found my seat and waited for the rest of the people to find their seats. I sweet lady sat down next to me. 

I’m so thankful.

Her name is Natalie. (see her comments on this and this post)  Gasp…yes I gave her the url to my blog…first IRL person EVER.  Anyway, we chatted much along the trip. She is recovering from a surgery that has left her arm in a sling and I am recovering as well. So we bonded over our surgeries and struggles to get better.

I gave her gum and offered to help fasten her seatbelt and get things out of her bag.

But she offered up prayer for me on the plane before it landed. Such a treasure. Makes my gum and simple assistance seem like a pretty small gift.  But I know we were both in the right place at the right time. I’m so thankful we had more to bond over than the things going on with our bodies.

So if you’re reading Natalie…thanks for befriending a girl on a plane and being such an encouragement to me during an unsure time.

Hope you are well, sweet new friend.

Hugs and love! : )

my summer reading

Earlier I think I mentioned that I was reading a book by Watchman Nee, The Breaking of the Outer Man and the Release of the Spirit. There are so many things in that book are really messing with my thinking and my heart in a good way. Wow. And I’ve just been really hungry for Him in a renewed way.

This little book is amazing. I read things by these  authors that have gone on and I just have to sit back and say WOW. Nobody says this stuff now. And yet when I read it, God within me agrees and longs for me to know more of it. This book talks a lot about the outer man..our self..and the inner man..what we would call the spirit. And it has helped me see these two entities in a totally different and more complete way than ever before. And to see myself in a different way as well. I would try to share more but every time I start, the words just won’t come. It has been just so overwhelming (so why am I here blogging about it?). :-D

I’m reading the first few chapters of Jeremiah while I’m finishing this book by Nee and it has just been so interesting to see how both of them go hand in hand so easily. The beginning of Jeremiah is really focusing on just how utterly sinful we are apart from God (I could go on and on here but you get the idea). And then to read in the Nee book about our sinful nature and God’s spirit and how the two are in conflict with one another.

I just love when it’s so easy to see how God is at work to bring two works written many many years apart together. The same Spirit that breathed the scriptures to life is evident in many of these writings from our more recent past. And the truths are still the same. His Word and His Truth never vary or change. Amen.

Isaiah 40:8
The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. (NASB)

on hymns

There is a lot of friction in the church today over music. So much so that it is a super hot topic on every side of the fence imaginable.

You’ve got what some call “the old people” howling about how we don’t sing hymns anymore.

And you’ve got the young kids saying they can’t relate to the archaic lyrics of hymns and prefer a more “modern worship experience”.

And there are many shades and facets and opinions all the way around the table on this.

Sometimes I’m not sure where I stand on the whole thing. I really enjoy some current music and enjoy when I am able to sing it in church instead of just in the car by myself.  But the only problem with this scenario that I’ve come across is…and I am not talking about any church in particular, but this is something I have heard expressed in many places…the only problem is that I seldom know a single song that is being done. So I just stand there. And look around. And watch all the other people just standing there. Not singing, just like me.

So this “corporate worship time” is in actuality a “concert”. But the only thing is, I usually know the words when I go to a concert because I know the artist. At church, I usually end up staring at the screen at lyrics I’ve never seen before…and will most likely never see again. And a part of my soul that wants to sing out to my Creator is stifled.

And the reason I am telling that part is not to rat on anybody, but to make an important point. About hymns.

And before you say “oh boy, there she goes, harping in hymns and hating other music”, hear me out, ok?

Almost any worshipful song has the potential to bring believers into the presence of God..and isn’t that the goal? But one of the things that bothers me about this strange trend to be led in singing a lineup of things no one knows is that there is no continuity there.

I am struggling to explain myself, so it feels like things are getting very wordy and I’m just now getting to my point, so bear with me. I have shared before how we sang two songs at Bub’s memorial. One was a more contemporary song, You Are My All in All (by Dennis Jernigan) and the other was a hymn, Great is Thy  Faithfulness. The interesting thing about both of these songs is that God has used both of these songs in many contexts in my life. I have sung the contemporary one during happy times and obviously sad times, and yet the words remain true and become stronger within me the more I sing them. The same is true for the hymn. I have been singing that song my whole life in every possible context…from a ‘nothing’ Sunday as a child or as an adult at a wedding and at a funeral and beyond. And every time I sing the song it takes me to all those places. And reminds me of the past and where I am now and where God has taken me and wants to take me from here and continues to anchor those words to my heart that indeed, God is faithful. Every word and every phrase means more to me now than it did the last time I heard it. And God shows me something new of Himself the next time I sing it that I didn’t know all the other times. And that brings me full circle..not to worship the past, as many people “accuse” older adults of wanting to do…but to a new place, yes connected to the past, but only knowing the now because of it.

I am a poor communicator, but those last sentences are what I’ve been trying to get to. So many times I’ve been in modern worship services and there is no connection to the past or the present in what I’m singing,,,or just listening to. And I miss that gentle knowing that there is no shadow of turning with Thee…all I have needed Thy hand hath provided..Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord Unto Me. And knowing that I know that.  Or whatever lyric that God choses to use to draw me to see more of Him this time in the hearing of the same words than I heard and knew of Him last time I heard those same words. This…THIS is my struggle with the modern way that is constantly in flux..constantly introducing the new and throwing out the old..or the older. We’re missing a gentle jewel that God has for us.

*Please don’t hate me or tell me that I am wrong in this or that I don’t understand or that I am being judgmental or slamming this or that..I am merely sharing my experience and what God has revealed to me through his Spirit.

a living, furry parable

We knew a short time after we lost Bub, that a pet was going to be in our future. We had the tug of war…dog-cat-dog-cat? But then finally settled on getting a cat. The girl has been crazy for kitties since she could barely say “kitty”. So that was settled. We would get a cat. I remember one day the hubs and I were out shopping at Walmart while she was at school and we bought food bowls, a carrier, litter, toys, a bed etc. But we didn’t get a cat.

We waited and waited and waited. But “someday” we would get a cat.

One day I was driving home from taking the girl to school and I had this really strong impression that today was ‘the’ day we had been waiting for. The day to go shopping for a cat. It sort of threw me off, and I prayed about the whole cat thing. And more and more I knew it was cat shopping day.

So I came home and told the hubs this, since he was home from work that day…coincidentally.  (I add that word as a joke because there really isn’t room for coincidence when God is at work.)

So we went to our local shelter. There were two cats. One of them pretty much had a sign on the cage that said she was the spawn of the devil didn’t get along with kids, had trouble with this or that etc. You get the picture. So we focused on the ‘other’ cat. But she was our only choice. So we headed to a pet store or two and another shelter, but there were NO kitties available for us. So we went back to our shelter and looked again at ‘the other cat’ again.

She was cute as a button and purred constantly.

And I guess you can figure out that the other cat was our Annabelle. We adopted her on Valentine’s Day of 2003. She was born in the fall of 2002….the same year we lost Bub.

This little kitty came into our lives and as you can guess, we fell for her immediately. We read all the books and did everything we were supposed to do so that she would bond especially with the girl. As this was kind of supposed to be her cat. But she didn’t really care that much for the girl. My husband on the other hand would rough house her and I was afraid she would become afraid of him. Instead she fell madly in love with him. And she still is.

And then there is me…I was pretty much crazy about her from the git go. She was cute and funny and she filled our home with the pitter patter of little feet once again. And not unlike parenting a human child, I took most of the care for her as well. Vet visits, scooping, feeding etc. And I as I said before, I fell in love with her.

I loved her no matter what.

I loved her when she begged for food. I loved her when she bit my feet in bed. I loved her when she meowed wanting that toy that went behind the couch and I had to crawl around on the floor to pick it up. I even loved just plain ole looking at her. Even when she ignored me.

And I’ve tried through the years to show affection to her by picking her up and wrapping her in my arms. But she fights and fights and pushes with those little paws until I have no choice but to put her down and let her do her thing. The only time that she seems to really crave me or my affection is when we go to the vet. She crawls into my arms like a baby and I hold her like one with her little head resting against my shoulder and cheek. I love it, but all too soon, we’re done with the vet and back home. And she goes back to ignoring me interspersed with pouncing my feet as I walk across the living room. And still I love her.

For many years, I have struggled with why God wanted us to have this cat. This cat that doesn’t love me…and merely tolerates my girl. (she has gotten a little better with the girl, btw)

And then one day God said something to me.

You and your cat are a lot alike. You come to me “meowing” expecting Me to do certain things for you. But sometimes when I try to love you, you push and shove Me away and run and hide. There are times when you come to Me just to be with Me and let Me hold you and those times are beautiful. But there are other times you do not and yet I still love and care for you. And yet when you’re pushing Me away, I can’t give you a fuller measure of the very thing your heart desires more than anything else. Me.

At first I didn’t know what to think about this. I would say in my heart that it was true. Or that it wasn’t true, depending on my mood. But that was about all. It’s only of late that I have really been letting myself be broken and made small so that I can have more of the very thing my heart desires more than anything else. Him.

Merry Christmas

This video isn’t very long but it’s very powerful. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours. See you soon! : )

hearing a carol anew

Ya know how sometimes you listen to a song you’ve heard a hundred times and for some reason something sticks out and it’s like you’ve never heard it before.

Yeah, me too.

I was listening to Christmas music the other day and heard something profound that I have sung more times than I can count.

…peace on earth and mercy mild..

…God and sinners reconciled…

That last line there just blew me away. It was like the entire gospels…or the entire Bible..encapsulated in one phrase. God and sinners reconciled.

It just made me really contemplate God and just how separated from Him we are apart from His grace and mercy. And re-realize how much we needed Him to send Jesus. We are just so lost in our sin and nothing can make that okay in ourselves. We can’t be better or act better or change or any of those things. God Himself had to reconcile that impossible distance between us.

I’m thankful this Christmas season that God made a way to reconcile sinful people to Himself. I stand in awe of God that he would send Jesus to die for someone as sinful as myself so that vast chasm could be bridged between God and sin. Not just for me, but for all mankind.

in concert

We had a great weekend! We found out in a rather round about way that Chris Tomlin (!!!) was going to be in concert close enough for us to drive to see him on a Friday night. (!!!) So we got tickets right away when we figured it out. Squeeee!

I couldn’t wait. The only things that caused a little dread were an unknown opening band and the heat. This was an outdoor venue. In the Texas heat and one of the hottest days to date this summer. (This week will be hotter, by the way.)

Anyway…we arrived and found our seats just as the first band was being introduced. Tenth Avenue North.

Did I mention it was hot. Notice the cut offs. Don’t know if they started out that way of if it was an afterthought because of the heat..and those poor guys were playing into the sunset beating down on them.

I may be so behind the times, but I had never heard of this band before. I wanted to like them since they were opening for Chris Tomlin. But that wasn’t really the case. There was so much other noise…drums and bass..that it totally drowned out the vocals except for a couple of lines here or there. Very disappointing because to me, the thing that makes modern Christian music..or any  Christian music for that matter..unique is the lyrics. And if you can’t hear them…??? When he stopped to talk, you could tell he had a heart for God and for others knowing Him, but the music fell short, sadly. I have his cd so I’m hoping the lyrics are there when I can hear them.

Had he just turned down the amps a bit, I know it would have been a whole different story. : (

It worried me that Chris (we’re on a first name basis now. haha) would have his ‘stuff’ turned up too high too, and I just wasn’t sure I would be able to make it through another set of that. It really did cause even my insides to feel like they were moving around. Bleh.

Anyway…he came out!

 

And yes, I think he’s got a sweat band on his head. Did I mention that it was super hot? : ) He did toss it later in the evening though.

And yes, he was AMAZING. His music was loud enough for a concert, but I could hear everything..all the lyrics..everything! I thought I knew just about every one of his songs, but he sang a couple I had not heard before. And they were amazing too. Cuz I could hear them. : )

I can’t say enough about what a gifted worship leader he is. He’s not ‘just’ an artist standing up there putting on a show. He is truly leading in worship. I truly felt like I had “been to church” as they say…even with all the distractions of being outside and airplanes and other noises. What a blessing and an asset he is to the Christian music community.

An incredible evening…even with the heat. Well worth everything it took to get there! : )

I’ll leave you with a taste of what we heard at the concert…

No more sorrow, no more pain. Such a precious promise!

Happy Monday, my friends!

lingering over the lamb

I’m in BSF this year…started in January. So I jumped into the middle of the study of John. I’ve really enjoyed it even though it’s very different from anything I’ve ever done before.  In recent weeks, we’ve been studying Jesus and His days before the cross and now we’re up to when Jesus breathed His last and gave up His Spirit, basically. I’ve had a hard time the last couple of weeks concentrating while doing my study at home. Sometimes I just blamed it on things going on around me or in me and kept going.

I finally stopped the other day to realize that one of the purposes of taking it so slowly (for me anyway) was to really take in all that Jesus had done for me. Awkward. Not something that’s easy to stay with week after week. I know sometimes we talk about Good Friday and then say something about Sunday’s coming. Well, sometimes it feels like Sunday will never get here since we’re dissecting the verses so slowly (which is good). But it is hard to linger over the words of scripture about the spotless and holy Lamb of God and all He willingly suffered for me.

The other day I went to lunch at a friend’s house. It was her birthday and several of us got together to eat and scrapbook. One of the girls brought take out. And it was something I’d never eaten before.  I didn’t say anything about it to them, but it was very hard for me to eat it. I looked at it. I smelled it. And finally I ate it…savoring every bite..being fully aware of every aspect of eating it.

It was lamb.

And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” Luke 22:19

8 years

So how is she, really? I’m sure I’ve had that asked about me a lot, so here goes.

Well, this is the anniversary date. This is the day it ended. And began. Bub’s life here ended. His pain and sickness ended. Our pain at watching our child die ended. But other things began. First and foremost, Bub’s eternity began. God gave me the opportunity to see that bringing Bub to Himself was precious to Him. (Psalm 116:15) I was reading through Psalms in the mornings during this time and that was my morning reading the day after, which would have been the day of, but I skipped that morning because we lost him that morning. *I* could not plan that! It is something I had a hard time comprehending at first, but something I continue to cling to and grasp more fully. Also, our lives began again in a new way. And then there was that pesky thing called grief.

I remember not long afterwards, I was talking to the child life person from the clinic and she was telling me how parents who’ve lost children will say things like “it’s been one year, or it’s been five years and I still….” I wasn’t even thinking that far down the road at that time and yet here we sit 8 years later.

So… back to my original question. We are well. Or fine, or good, or whatever the correct term is. We are also happy. Yes there are days, moments, little episodes that take my breath away and pierce my heart. We experienced them when we went to Disney World. There were little boys evvvverywhere. Several of whom did funny little things our little boy would have done. Sometimes that would make me smile and remember. Other times I would turn away with tears in my eyes. But those are just moments. Sometimes the moments are more prolonged. Birthdays (8/27) and anniversaries (today) are more difficult. The mind tends to want to play out the last days, moments, conversations, snapshots, feelings, experiences… one after another. Like a movie. Except I know the ending, because I was in it. Yes, those moments are hard. Those moments make me feel like my heart is going to break all over again.

But thankfully those moments don’t define me. My day to day life is not centered on grief. We are happy. We laugh. We play. We just have this other piece to our puzzle. But we all have puzzles. Some of the pieces are pretty and fun to finger and put into place and other pieces are rough around the edges and might cause pain when we have to touch them, but they make up the whole. This is something that changed me/us and is a part of who I am today. So in that way it does define me.

But it’s not the only definition of who I am. Just a piece. But this piece has changed my outlook on a lot of things, including my thoughts on eternity and on God and who He is (for the better, I might add). I am constantly amazed and humbled with all that God has done with the rough puzzle pieces. He’s given me the opportunity to walk along side other women in their grief, to share, to write notes of encouragement, and to grieve along side. And to rejoice when the morning comes.

Because it does.  Thanks for being an encouragement to me as I’ve written about and lived out the years after Bub’s passing and grieved and rejoiced along side many of you, as well.

Great is Thy Faithfulness.

Happy Easter

It has been amazing to be studying John while Easter approaches. Just looking at the Father’s love for us, while we were yet sinners, is truly heart stirring and humbling, to say the least.

Happy Easter, everybody. *ps. On my last post, blogger was acting weird and one of the comments went poof. I didn't delete it. : )

have to vs. get to

It’s all about perspective sometimes. 

Sometimes I say I have to cook dinner. Or I have to clean house. Or I have to go to school and talk to a teacher. Or I have to go to Wallyworld and deal with all the crazies humanity.

But do I say that I have to talk to my husband? Or that I have to talk to/play with my kid?  Or that I have to go on vacation?  No!  I get to… and that’s a beautiful thing because I love them.  And they love me.

But there is something else that I can make into a have to.

It’s reading God’s word.  But it isn’t!

I get to sit down any time and read what God wants to say to me.  Not only that, but it is my privilege to get to sit down and read words written just for me. 

lest we forget

….what Christmas is all about.

I love this!  I think it’s really easy to get focused on all the things that are wrong…

especially at this time of year…

and forget what the Real Gift is. 

May I be ever mindful of that as I start the coming week and celebrate His birth.

the pageant

A church we were involved with in the past has hosted a Christmas pageant for many many years. It’s very professionally done and always amazing. I used to go before I met hubs. And then he and I used to go together until we had little ones, since it was hard to get a sitter for them. And then life and church moves and the like happened, and we haven’t been since 2000. Hubs even worked on the crew in 1999 and 2000. Anyway, we have a long history with this group but haven’t seen most of them in years.

So we decided tonight to go to the pageant since this is pageant weekend, as it’s affectionately called. This is the first pageant Boo has seen. She was entertained and moved by it. We recognized people in the crew and on stage, since we’ve had history with many of them. We even had the opportunity to chat with some old friends before and afterwards. What a sweet time.

Anyway, it was a beautiful evening. It always starts out with something current with many songs of the holiday. Bright costumes, dance numbers and lots of fun. And then there is a shift to Biblical scenes including Jesus’ ministry on earth, His death on the cross and the nativity. Very moving experience every time.

This year they also included cardboard testimonies (similar to these). I think that was my favorite part. I recognized some of the faces and knew some of their stories. But many others I did not and it was very moving. Very real and that’s what made it all the more special.

So I feel a little lighter in spirit right now… not feeling quite as Grinch-like as usual. Feeling expectant of the holidays… not the presents and the fun… but looking forward to celebrating Jesus’ birth and anticipating all He has in store this Christmas season.

who are you going to be?

What’s the question kids get asked this time of year? That’s right, who are you going to be? I can’t remember very many things I ‘was’ growing up for Halloween. I know I was never all that thrilled with the costumes, no matter what they were.

Because they were just costumes. Not the real thing.

And no matter what I wore, it didn’t change who I was.

But the question still begs to be asked, even as an adult. Who are you going to be? Who am I going to be? Am I going to be the busy mom that doesn’t stop long enough to spend time with God? Or am I going to strive to be the person God wants me to be?

Not that I can make myself into anything or recreate myself, for it’s God who is at work in me, for His good pleasure. But still, I can be a negative spirit by not submitting to the urgings of God to stop and listen to what He wants me to do and how He wants to go about recreating me.

And the two most important ways that comes about is by prayer and reading His word. So see, I have to actively say, yes I am going submit to these activities, and in so doing, submit to the One who wants to live in me and recreate me into His image.

So back to the question…who am I going to be?

This is who I want to be.

This is the picture I have hanging above my fireplace. The first time I saw her, I wanted to be her. And I knew God wanted me to be her.

I love her so much. Sometimes I just sit and stare at her. She’s beautiful to me. Not just the picture itself, which is just a signed print, but her. She’s praying and she has her Bible open… because reading His word and prayer go hand in hand. I can’t really experience one without the other. They form a union that binds me to Himself.

And bring me to be who He is recreating me to be.

Her.

becoming more

I was in the bookstore the other day and came home with this.

I had been hearing about it and looking for it and was thrilled when I saw it sitting on the shelf at Mardel.

*squeal*

I have only read the first chapter. But I can already tell it’s going to be so good.  Really the whole idea behind this book is what my story was… wanting to be more than the girl that goes by the rules and tries to do the things she’s supposed to do.  I was like that and yet I was very empty inside.. I wanted to “become more than a good Bible study girl”.

I remember when I was very young, the church we went to sent home offering envelopes with my name already printed on them.  There was a place on the envelope for me to put check marks by:

• Present  That one is easy… yes I am here!
• Offering  Yes, I was always given a quarter to put in the envelope when I was young and gave my own money when I started working.
• Study lesson  Most of the time I did that. The lessons weren’t very long.
• Bible read daily.  I tried to… I remember making time to sit and read something so I could put a little check in the box every week.
• I’m sure there is something I’m forgetting.  It seems like there were always five boxes.  Well, whatever it was, I tried to check it.

I can remember feeling particularly good about myself when I had done what I thought I could to fulfill the requirements laid out before me.  And yet,  I was just going through the motions of doing a lot of things trying to make myself right.  And it was a futile struggle because I couldn’t  make myself right.  I could do a million things and yet still be in the same struggle wondering why I couldn’t feel Him at all.  I have so been there.  And then I realized that  “they must be done with the greatest expectation and heart cry for God to lead us into a deeper and more life-changing connection with Him”.*

*quote from chapter one.  There were so many things I could have quoted from chapter one, but just stuck with that one thought since it is such a key statement.

I’m excited to see what Lysa has to say in the rest of the book.  : )