he was in it

I had a dream last night and he was in it. Bub, that is. And the strange thing about that is, I don't know that I've ever dreamed about him. But I did last night. And I guess you could say, it was true to form. lol In the dream, he was 4... the oldest he's ever been. And he came in very upset with me that we were going to change his curtains. I kept telling him that the curtains were fine and there were no plans to change them. I pulled him into bed with me. I guess it was night time. You know how dreams are.. I have no idea. And he curled up in my arms and I snuggled with him until he got happy and went to sleep.

I woke up in a sleep coma looking around, although even in that state, I knew I had only dreamed.

There are weird things about this dream.. first, our kids nevvvver slept with us. We just didn't do that. They've slept every single night of their lives in their beds. They weren't even kids that asked for it to be an option. And Boo's never been one of those 'scared in the night' kinda girls. But the other thing.. the thing about the curtains... they have been changed since he died. We live in a small house. Before he came along, that room was an office. And after he died, it became an office again eventually. (I know that leaving it as his room really bothered Boo a lot and that spurred us on to go ahead and make the change)

But the funny part.. if there is a funny part, is the way he was in the dream. It was exactly him. He would get upset about irrational things and try to express things in his little way.. the way three and four year old kids do. Like I said, it was exactly him.

I don't know what to make of it. I really don't think there is anything to make of it. It just happened. Kinda strange.

it was her idea

I started to call this post 'better living through the internet', but I thought that might be a bit ambitious. But anyhoo...

Boo had an idea. A crafty one. (at 5pm on Saturday.. I knew we would be heading out to eat soon) And since I'm not overly good at crafts, I began to moan and whine...but only internally. I gave her idea a look-see. It looked do-able. So we set out to do it! She wanted to turn this...
into this... So that's what we did! She found a You-Tube video tutorial that showed how to make it. I made some changes since I had no intentions of sewing this thing up with a needle and thread. We used my trusty Kenmore sewing machine instead. And we also didn't put a flap on the front, like the video showed. We thought that kind of messed up the whole hey look, it's made out of a pair of jeans thing. It didn't take very long.. and since it's supposed to look kinda crafty, I didn't spend a lot of time making it 'perfect' either. We finished the sewing before dinner!

After dinner, we stopped at Joann's. Yes even the hubster went to Joann's. We bought Velcro for closures. Velcro has come a long way since I've last used it. This was fusible (!!!), so I ironed it on the insides of the purse. Took no time at all and it's really stuck on there very well. I was impressed! We also bought the cute buttons and cut the backs off and glued them on the purse with E6000 glue. Love that stuff. It bonded perfectly. We left it spread out on the dining table to dry Saturday night and by Sunday morning, she had a cute little homemade purse to carry to Sunday School.

Hmm.. let's tally up the costs here:
Outgrown blue jeans in the giveaway stack... FREE
Glue left over from summer craft classes... FREE
Cute little pink belt we added after this pic was taken... FREE
Assorted buttons and velcro... about $10

The look on her face every time she tells me "I love this purse!"... PRICELESS!!!

cross stitch project

I found time to do some projects while Bub was sick.. well actually it was during the time we weren't pursuing any further treatments for him. So he was running around like a healthy, normal, crazy preschooler. I of course, had a lot on my mind. So this one certain project fit in nicely with where I was at the time in so many ways.

I created it from scratch. I bought a computer program (that the hubby taught me how to use) that would turn my cross stitch idea into a pattern. The fonts on the version of this available at the time weren't all that fancy... as you'll see. And the colors were a cross breed of what I had going on at the time-the whole 'country blue/mauve thing'- and the mystery of knowing at some point 'after', we would be redecorating, but not having a clue as to what I would do. I liked the colors in it at the time. And I've thought about re-doing it in my 'current color scheme'... which is very warm in contrast to what I had before. Yellows and reds mainly. With a shot of green here and there. But this cross stitch thing is like a snapshot in time. I spent a lot of time researching what I wanted to do. And then making the pattern. And then finally doing the actual 'finger work'. I remember praying over each word/representation of Jesus and just worshipping Him throughout this whole process. So it's a very personal piece of 'art'.

When we redid the house, I...being totally clueless as to design hired a decorator. (Remember the country blue and mauve.. I rest my case.) She was wonderful. She gave me pointers and started me in the right direction and then turned me loose. I remember pointing to things that would 'stay' when I redid, and this was the first thing I pointed to. I made several things.. but that was the biggest. I made a very small piece that says 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus' which is one of my favorite hymns. I swapped out the frame and mat color when we redid. It was also a keeper.

I loved going into the cross stitch/framing store. It was a mom and pop shop for sure. It was owned by an older couple that had run the shop for years. I had taken several projects to them over the years. During this time, they got to know Bub better since he would run around and play while we discussed framing and matting and stuff. I remember one day I had him in there and we were doing our thing and next thing you know, he just looked kind of droopy. I sat him up on the big table where customers put their projects to chose frames etc, and he quietly told me his leg hurt. I hugged him as tears fell quietly down my cheeks. I knew this was the end. The owner knew what was going on and gave me a sad smile. He was gone in a matter of weeks.

They've retired, but I still see her. We went to their church for a while. She's never failed to ask me how I am and every now and then asks me about Bub or how long it's been etc. I just love her.

One of the things people don't understand sometimes about loss is just now interconnected the loss is to everything else in their lives. It's not just the obvious things that are reminders of that time. And it's something that's come to light in some of my posts. Things I would have a sense of in the past, but more than likely not mention. I'm glad blogging gives me an avenue for that.

making skirts

Boo is growing. She's almost as tall is me. That's not saying a lot, since I'm 5 feet 2, but she's getting taller. There's height somewhere in her genes, because Daddyman is 6 feet 1, sooo... if she spurts again she could at least pass me up. All this growing has caused a major wardrobe problem. She's outgrown all her dresses and skirts...overnight.

I knew this was on the horizon, so I've been scoping out girls dresses etc. Well, since she's grown, most of the little girl stuff is too short for her and juniors clothes make her look like a hooker. I decided today to look at patterns and try to make her a couple of skirts. Well.. that would be fine except all the skirts were either very 'little girl'... or "Project Runway". No I'm not making that up. They had patterns for LITTLE GIRLS 'inspired by Project Runway'. HUH?! They also had some High School Musical and some Hannah Montana. Oh well.. that's sooo much better. Last time I checked, she doesn't go to Sunday School dressed like a pop diva! (and adult sizes still run way too big..she's like a size zero in juniors)

I don't have to ask.. but what has happened to us? To kids? There were so many patterns of midriff showing outfits and low cut things and spaghetti strap things and super short things and on and on. I just wanted to die. I know there are those that want to make the current fashions and save money (but with some patterns costing upwards to $15, there is little saved, IMO). I get that...sorta. But what about those of us that sew because we hate what's on the rack at the department stores?? Vicki Courtney has blogged about it... Angie at Bring the Rain has blogged about it. And her comments went through the roof! So I know I'm not the only one struggling with this.

But what's a mom to do?

I WILL NOT throw in the towel and give in to the mess girls are wearing. But what are my options??? I can't even find patterns to MAKE her something decent. *sigh*

in the mail

Getting mail is fun. I even like to look through the junk mail. It's interesting to see if it's addressed to me or the hubs.. or occupant or whatever. There might be a magazine or something.. you never know. I also like to look through sale fliers. How else would I know if JC Penney's is having another weekly a sale. Or if PedEggs are on sale at Bed Bath and Beyond. This is important stuff.

But not every package is fun. I opened an envelope yesterday. I know it comes at this time of year. And yet, some years it still takes my breathe away. This year I wasn't as stunned by it, though. It was from the hem/onc floor at the hospital where Bub was treated. They have a remembrance ceremony every year. Parents submit photos for a slide show and bring displays and (I assume) staff/doctors etc are there also. It's sort of a mix and mingle kind of thing too. (which we are soo not into) We've never been to this. I just don't know that I could take looking into the eyes of child after child that "didn't make it".

I remember the first time I got one, I didn't even know what it was. But I was so thankful just to be remembered. We can cancel and they wouldn't send us an invite anymore. But it's nice to be remembered...even if we don't go to the ceremony. As they say at the close of the letter...love always remembers.

tegaderm

My dad needs to take this medicine that's an ointment and he's supposed put a little 'glop' of it on his stomach and cover it so it can absorb through the skin. But...here's the weird thing...this medicine did NOT include any type of bandage to do it with. What's up with that??? So I went digging through the medicine cabinet to see if I had any Tegaderm patches. I know these patches well because I used them with Bub to apply numbing cream for 'pokies'. I still had an almost full box of Tegaderms AND boxes of EMLA and ELAmax (aka numbing cream) sitting in the cabinet.

I had this weird thought of 'those are long expired' and tossed them only to pull them out seconds later to put them right back in the cabinet. They have his name on the RX label. Sometimes it's almost like I can't let go of those things.. kinda like they're some sort of 'proof' he was here or something. Weird and irrational, I know. (I really should at least toss the tubes of cream, since they're no good for anybody at this point)

Well I showed my dad how to use the patches, careful to shove images of their use with Bub to the back corners of my mind. But later retelling this, I was so overcome. Tegaderms really do symbolize a lot. All those port accesses, blood draws and BMA's (bone marrow aspirates). EMLA and those patches were a regular 'routine' part of our lives. And the last time I had handled that box and those bandages, he was alive.

Sometimes it frustrates me how grief seeps in when I least expect it.

random hospital observations

While my dad was in the hospital, I found I had nothing but time on my hands. Lots of time. Lots and lots of time. And with nothing to do, I found myself doing a lot of random thinkin' and wonderin'.

Here goes....

So with HIPAA being soo big and they're so concerned with privacy, tell me again why semi-private rooms work? Every single thing said by every single person in the room can be overheard.

Tell me how come you can walk into a hospital and you enter a grand foyer with huge expanses of space then you sit in the patient's room, and you have to shove the ONE chair against the wall so there is room to squeeze the IV pole through the opening so the patient can get to and from the loo. And you're just out of luck if two people need to sit down. There just isn't room. (never mind the part about the outlet to unplug the IV pole is very low behind the bedside table. grrr)

What is the deal with visitors having to go downstairs to the lobby to find a public bathroom. There wasn't one on the patient floors. So you're trying to be there..trying to be nearby 'just in case' that is when the doctor will show up or something and you've gotta haul it all the way downstairs to the little tiny two 'door' bathroom. HUH?????

And last but certainly not least.. I don't know who invented one ply 12 inch rolls of toilet paper installed about 12 inches off the floor. It must have been a man. First you've got to stand on your head to get the paper to even come out of the giant dispenser thing. And then when it does come out, it tears in little tiny pieces since the roll is soo heavy and the one ply paper is crazy thin and not nearly strong enough to pull against itself like that. Great. Just great.

To say I had nothing to do really isn't true though. I took my Bible with me and sat and read several books of the New Testament. I'm so glad that even in the middle of something stressful and 'not fun' like that, God still moved me to be still for a moment and let the rest go and nestle into Him for a while.

wiped out

I haven't been around for a couple of days and it feels like I've been to the moon and back. But really it was just the hospital around the corner. My dad's health isn't the best and he ended up in the hospital for a bit for some testing and observation.

And I, as his appointed 'go to' medical person, of course was along for the ride. And what a ride it was. It's alllllways something. Mainly just tiring and very stressful. There are family issues, which are quite common to most all of us... things I won't go into, but did I mention it was stressful?? Couldn't remember if I had mentioned that. Wanted to make sure I got that in.

He was fiiiiiiinally released from the hospital last night at 5 something. He was dressing as I was digging through my purse to make sure he had evvvvverything...his keys-check! His wallet-check! His billfold-check! We're good to go. I finally got him home and settled and began my drive toward Chick-fil-a... I needed some comfort BAD. (my family had already eaten, as I had no clue of how long things would take and I'd told them to go on without me) I got the fried sandwich (did I mention I needed some comfort???) and planned on adding more pickles when I got home. YUM. I was smelling my sandwich and feeling like I'd barely make it home because I was wiped out.

That's when it hit me...

....my dad has one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" buttons and I still had it in my purse! I was so bummed. So I called him, told him I had it, which at that point he'd figured out and told him I'd be over after I stopped off at home to eat my sandwich. By the time I got home to stay it was almost 8pm. I took a shower and washed my hair. I don't usually wash my hair at night, but I just had to get the past two days OFF of me, including the smells and the memory of resting my head against a plastic glove dispenser mounted on the wall. I took a melatonin and was passed out by 10. I'm so glad to be home!!!!

I guess I'm not a fan

I was reading the news online this morning and I just shook my head. There was an article about Chevy Chase regarding Saturday Night Live and the portrayal of Sarah Palin recently. He wanted the SNL people to go after her harder.. I think his words were to decimate her. And then there was the Hollywood fundraiser with Barbara Streisand (yeah.. I'm probably not spelling it right.. well, I'm not a fan of hers either lol) making Obama a gazillion dollars instantly.

Like I said.. I just shook my head.

We watch. We laugh. We call ourselves 'fans' of TV shows, actors, actresses, singers etc and ignore their agenda. The world's agenda. Satan's agenda. When are we going to wake up and realize these people aren't people who's opinions (and money and influence) we should covet or worship for that matter. They did not wake up one day and become experts on all things.. including politics and the environment because they've made movies etc. I can't get over that. These folks aren't 'experts' on anything but standing in front of a camera and spouting off words that other people write for them.. and we pay to see it and worship at their feet. These people lead an elite lifestyle that pretty much isolates them from anything 'real'...including relationships that last beyond ninety seconds, everyday struggles of 'normal' America and last but certainly not least... ANYthing of spiritual or moral nature. (I do realize this does not apply to everyone 'out there', but certainly to most all of the talking heads out there when it comes to THIS topic in particular) But we buy into it all.. including their vulgar opinions.

How do we buy into it??? By watching their shows, buying their DVD's or their CD's. But most of all.. by listening to them spout off their junk any time they speak and simply being 'fans'. When are Christians going to stand up and say NO? When are 'we' going to throw the baby out with the bathwater and stop worshipping at the feet of supporting these people? If all the Christians would stand up and say ENOUGH, it would change things tremendously.

Sadly I don't think it will ever happen. Why? Because we're too interested in our leisure and our entertainment to really care much about what 'they' do. To be bothered by their agendas.

Because of that, we lose. That's scary.

can it be?

Can it be that I've sat down and typed out 99 posts already?? And today is actually number one hundred? Well it seems it is! So in a post that could also be titled "the most boring-est post to date", I guess I will continue the tradition of posting 100 things about myself. Are you ready??? I hope I am! LOL

1. I am a child of God.
2. But I came to know Him outside the church and apart from it's goings on.
3. I feel like I don't fit in 'in the church' because I don't live and die by it's norms.
4. My favorite book of the Bible is Ephesians.
5. Psalms too
6. I like to read books by Andrew Murray. He is probably my favorite Christian writer.
7. I also like T.W. Hunt
8. and Henry Blackaby
9. and E.M. Bounds
10. For the most part, I don't read fiction. Can't figure out it's purpose.
11. I like cookbooks, but find I don't make much out of them.
12. I like to cook healthy meals for my family.
13. But only chicken and turkey. Not red meat. Lots of reasons for that.
14. I like my bread machine.. especially whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread
15. with marshmallow cream and peanut butter on top
16. or just the marshmallow cream... right out of the jar
17. I like the idea of being crafty, but often don't find much enjoyment in it.
18. I can sew. I stress out easily though.
19. But I've made some 'big' projects... like lined window toppers.
20. I usually think whatever I'm making 'now' is the hardest thing I've ever made. crazy, huh?!
21. I don't drink coffee. At all. So it's no big surprise you won't see me running around with a Starbucks paper 'mug'.
22. I like herbal teas instead.
23. Especially Celestial Seasonings Honey Vanilla Chamomile
24. With Stevia (natural sweetener)
25. I'm not really a 'granola' mama, but we try to keep it fairly healthy
26. I like dill pickles.
27. And home grown tomatoes sliced right from the vine with salt and pepper.
28. And cantelope.
29. And homemade guacamole.
30. And Vidalia onions...not by themselves though. LOL
31. I wear no line bifocals.
32. I like to paint my toenails
33. But not my fingernails.
34. Hot pink usually.
35. I've never had a pedicure. That just seems odd to me.
36. I am a very well documented germaphobe.
37. Which makes me a joy at your house if you're cooking dinner. LOL
38. I like the Peanuts comic strip
39. And Dilbert.
40. And the Far Side.
41. I'm a dog person.
42. And a cat person.
43. We had a dog until we had to give it away because our son was so unhealthy.
44. Both our kids were cat crazy, so when we decided to get another pet, we got a cat.
45. There are things we miss about not having a dog.
46. But cats are waaay easier.
47. It takes me forever to find a purse I like.
48. I have less than 8 pairs of shoes.
49. But I only wear about 3 of those pairs.
50. Mainly because I broke my foot a couple of years ago.
51. It was a graceful move really... I missed a step and just found myself sitting.
52. I cried like a little girl. It about killed me.
53. I got to cruise around on a little scooter for THE WHOLE SUMMER. (think tricycle with bummed up knee on the 'seat' and using other foot to push.. with a little basket in front and everything!)
54. I hate to wear shoes inside.
55. And if I came to visit you, I would take mine off at the door.
56. Pink is my favorite color.
57. It used to be in my house.
58. Thankfully we redid our house a few years ago.
59. We re-did our kitchen around our old dining room table because it's one we've all sat around. I couldn't bear to part with it.
60. And by all.. of course I mean all FOUR OF US.
61. If this is your first day here.. we lost our son when he was four. (... if it is, this post will likely make it your last! LOL)
62. We also have a daughter.. who is a total hoot.
63. My husband and I married in 1991. Durn I'm old.
64. We're both 43. See.. told ya!
65. I told him I would marry him if he would agree that we not have kids.
66. I got over that.
67. Everybody I know now thinks that's funny.
68. We live in the same house we bought 2 years after we married.
69. I think it's sentimental for us now.
70. I get teary if we think about moving even though we aren't crazy about where we live.
71. I like to scrapbook a little bit.
72. But I don't get into fancy layouts.
73. I am a very shy person.
74. But I can warm up easily one on one.
75. Crowds freak me out.
76. We like to eat out 'early'...before crowds hit.
77. You can forget about the mall if it's crowded. Ain't happenin'.
78. I don't like to dress up.
79. I don't wear make-up every day.
80. I'm left handed.
81. I always thought being a leftie was fun.
82. I only drink bottled water.
83. We have a water cooler/machine thing with 5 gallon jugs at home.
84. Tap water tastes like dirt to me. : p
85. I want to be more organized than I am.
86. I make stabs at it every once in a while.
87. Clutter is a constant struggle for me. But that's normal.. right???
88. I like being outdoors.
89. My family doesn't.
90. It drives me nuts.
91. I grew up camping.
92. Now we stay in hotels.
93. Sometimes I miss camping.
94. I like summer... even though I don't like the heat.
95. I hate long sleeves.
96. And being cold.
97. I should eat better and lose a little weight around the middle.
98. I should start walking again.
99. I should mop more often. Have I mentioned my new kitchen floors are conveniently the color of dirt? Works out nicely for me since I hate to mop. The Cheetos tend to stand out though!
100. As always... I should know God more intimately.

Well there you go. If you're still reading... and still awake.. there are some things about me. That was fun.. and weird at the same time. I've enjoyed getting to know so many of you through reading your blogs.. let's all keep writing, k?

not so imaginary

I met somebody for lunch today. Not just anybody.. I met somebody I've only known through blogging. She's not just my imaginary friend anymore! Is that not the weirdest thing or what?! If somebody had of told me when I started doing this in the spring that I would be chatting with strangers, I would'a laughed. Well I guess the laugh is on me! I had so much fun. I felt like I knew her better than a few of my 'real' friends. We jabbered like we'd known each other forever and in some ways we have... we've 'talked' to each other via our blogs for months. And not just 'howdy do' sorta stuff... blogging can be deep and personal sometimes. Can't it?

I can't describe how blogging has changed me. I feel like I have a place to be transparent. I hate to use that word because some people think of that word as their license to 'whatever'... but blogging is a place to share from the heart. Something that in my opinion, is all but lost in church today. And then through comments or meeting face to face like I did today (!!!) it gives opportunity for 'us' to know each other better and be of encouragement etc...whether it's a wonderful day and the birds are singing.. or a dark day and things aren't going so hot. Or grieving something or just whatever is on your mind...

It's a wonderful community. I'm glad my corner of it got a little smaller today. I had a fun lunch! :-D

dish pan hands

Home Ec just gets better and better... for me, that is. Boo's teacher is giving them some little assignments to do over the next little while. Things she should be doing a little bit of now anyway...but I didn't say that.

I'm just way too germaphobe-y to give my kitchen over to someone else. But I'm learning. This weekend's lesson was doing dishes. She did all the dishes Friday night and then cleaned up the kitchen again this afternoon, including all the hand washing of various non stick pans etc and scrubbing the sink.

I think I'll be able to 'get over it' some more in the future. I took a nap today and woke up to a cleaned up kitchen and cinnamon rolls in the oven. I could get used to this.

I heard toilets might be next!

yIKEs

I've been watching all the hurricane info on the local and national news. I guess our state has hit the big time since Geraldo Rivera is doing updates from Galveston. My husband and I were watching some of the reporting today and the first thing that came out of both our mouths was... he ain't from around here. Warder? What kinda word is that? It's waaahhder. Everybody knows that!

We will probably get some rains this weekend.. nothing compared to those near the coast, but the storm's path is big and the rains across the state are expected to be huge. So I've made sure we have lots of snacks and things to cook over the weekend.. I'm not much of a 'cooker girl' on the weekend, so this will be different for me. But that's ok. Bought some cinnamon rolls...you know.. in case of an emergency! Always planning ahead.

But all silliness aside.. please pray for those in our state that are being affected by this. There are those that are evacuating.. those that refuse to evacuate.. those that will rescue the ones that refuse to leave or get stranded somehow... those on the road 'out', where ever that leads... those ending up in a shelter.. and those working those shelters. Flooding, winds.. I could go on and on!

In the face of things like this, I always pray that the Father would be revealed to those in need and that hearts would be more open to Him than they are in times of self sufficiency.

the day

Today's the day. 9-11. No we'll never forget. Although this time of year is strange for me anyhow. Even with the attacks and everything else, the thing that comes to mind most often is the fact that we were still going to clinic and still sitting in those same chairs and still watching the same cartoons while watching the same kids play with the same toys while attached to the same IV poles and being cared for by the same nurses and doctors while looking into the eyes of the same sad parents.

There was so much sameness and at the same time, the world as we knew it was being blown apart. But while America grieved the loss of those they didn't know (for the most part), we were silently grieving the future loss of someone we did know. Our lives truly would never be the same.

Surreal.

holiness

Yesterday's post brings me to what God's been having me really think on lately. Holiness. It's so much more than I want to think it is. So many times I'll be flustered and think something I shouldn't think. And feel justified. Or stub my toe and say something I shouldn't. I don't need a cuss jar, but it's probably not the best thing I could say either. Or think that stray thought about someone I see or know. Or watch just that one little show I shouldn't on TV. Ouch!

Sometimes people say this thing or that thing "crossed the line" of their own moral compass, so to speak. But do we, even as Christians, live on the other side of the line? How far away from God's ideal do we live?

Holiness is more than I take in. And when I occasionally stop long enough to really think about it, it overwhelms me. He overwhelms me.

1 Corinthians 7:1 Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

offended

Yesterday I noticed my tire was a little low, so I took it in and they aired it up. I stupidly thought maybe if I got it blown up, it would stay. Yeah right. So I had to go back to the tire place today and get it checked out. While I was there yesterday I noticed they had Christian radio playing in the background. I usually don't notice that because I'm not so very up on all the cool stuff in Christian music and sadly, most of the time it sounds exactly the same as secular stuff. But yesterday I heard Chris Tomlin. It was soo good. I was silently worshipping God and silently humming along..because if I actually hummed out loud that would so blow my 'from the wall' status.. and well, that's just not gonna happen, people!

But anyway.. that got me to thinking. I wonder if they get complaints about it? I wonder if anybody gets offended. I know.. gasp!!! Heaven forbid.

I can't count how often I, as a Christian and somebody with some morals, gets 'offended'. How many times have I heard "do it to me one more time" at the grocery store or more embarrassingly, in an elevator??? Just look straight ahead and don't make any eye contact... breathe..breathe... Whew! Or maybe it's the lady I saw the other day.. the well endowed lady.. without a hint of support for 'the girls'. Or another lady that decided to cuss at the man behind the counter at the tire store because he told her she needed a new tire. Or the skimpy clothes at the mall.. or people trying to push their political or social agenda on me.. or.. or... it goes on and on.

We can get so offended. Something in us gets riled up. But what? Most of the time, something happens that strikes a chord against our own flesh nature. Or even our 'religiousness'. But it's still US that's offended.

So how often is God offended? How often do we take into account the things we do that grieve Him? Not the big stuff.. the everyday stuff. The stuff we tend to overlook unless someone else does it in our direction and we're offended. This brings me to something God has been having me contemplate lately.

it's over!

The weekend of the stupid whimpering crying baby is OVER. Finally. It was one long weekend. Within the realm of 'normal life' that is. But what a weekend it was.

Some funnies from the weekend: Boo is not a 'wake me up quick and get me to do something' kinda gal. The first time she woke up with the baby in the night, she couldn't figure out what was going on. Bless her heart.. she's not good at waking up fast. But that was short lived. She got better and better at being up in the night. And got faster at getting her bracelet magnet thing synced with the slot in baby's back and significantly reducing crying time. Yay.

Whimpering time was whole other ballgame. That thing sometimes whimpered off and on for 30 minutes while being rocked until it would finally let out that wonderful coo we were both waiting for. (Cooing signals the end of the 'session' and it can be placed back in it's carrier until 'next time'.) Oh brother.

Night before last wasn't without it's funny moments either. After a successful whimpering, crying, whimpering and then cooing session, she needed to make a potty break. So she did that and suddenly I heard this KA-THUD sound and she had run herself smack-dab into her own CLOSED bedroom door. Poor girl. Can you say D-I-S-O-R-I-E-N-T-E-D? I kinda had to say yoo-hoo...you're in here with me.. and 'the baby'. Daddyman slept single in a single bed for the weekend while the Boo and I camped out in the master. I had to laugh. I worried a little bit that she would wake Daddy up, but I shouldn't of worried. He didn't even hear the thud. He can sleep through anything. Don't you just hate that sometimes???

I helped out just a little bit around 4 something until 5 this morning. (sshhh.. don't tell anybody!) She needed the sleep!!! I just stayed up... figured by the time I feel asleep, the alarm would be going off. So I've been up a little while today. But I enjoyed the quiet. I went back to bed at some point and just watched her sleep. We do that when our kids are real little, but I haven't spent a lot of time just watching her sleep as she's gotten older. It was cute. On the one hand, she's growing and her legs are long and I can't get over that. But then again, she still likes to bring something to cuddle to bed and her arm was firmly wrapped around that. I guess at this age, she's quite a contradiction... beginning to grow up and still being a little girl. I almost wanted to cry watching her sleep, in full REM state, watching her chest rise and fall. Fully relaxed. It was sweet and beautiful.

I am sooo glad this weekend is OVER. Now on to things like laundry and groceries... and a nap!

I'm a grandma

No.. not really. Unless you count our little computerized bundle of joy Boo has to take care of for the weekend. The hubs calls 'it' Plastic Robot Baby. It's real name is 'Baby Simulator'. We named it Lexi last night just for fun. But the fun wore off pretty fast.

Now it's just 'the baby'. As in "you need to get your stupid, screaming baby to be quiet". This is another one of those 'life lessons' from Home Ec I talked about yesterday. We have a life sized baby doll that comes complete with a diaper bag, a wardrobe and an infant carrier... all full sized and full weight.. to carry around all weekend. It cries periodically day AND night and she has to sync up a bracelet to a slot on it's back and rock it until it quits crying and starts coo-ing. And if she can't get to it right that second, it cries LONGER. And LOUDER. Oh yeah.. a fun weekend all around, folks!

We've already decided we aren't going anywhere this weekend.

Let's see...life lessons so far: (from both sides of the fence)

1. I'm too young to be a grandma.
2. I'm too old to be a new mommy. Although there are those that chose it, but I just don't think I could hack it at this point. (a non-issue for me at this point anyway!)
3. I don't fall asleep as fast after each 'cry' as easily as I did when I was younger.
4. Boo does. That's why moms are supposed to be younger.
5. But not that young.
6. I think Boo sees that babies can be a major pain.
7. She also sees what HER mom went through during the early months and appreciates it more.
8. Her 'cradling arm' is sore. The hubs and I had forgotten about that one.
9. She and I enjoyed looking at baby pictures of her and her brother and talking about that time in our lives. She listened more intently than ever.
10. Babies cry a lot. No duh, Sherlock!
11. Boo doesn't like dolls or things that move or make noise anymore now than she did when she was little. We all still have recurring nightmares of a time she received a 'Tiger Electronics' Mechanical 'toy'. (although for the record, this baby doesn't move at all. Just noises. That's plenty!)
12. Cats really are curious.

I'm sure there will be more things to add to this list as the weekend progresses. When's nap time???

stats and lessons

I've recently 'discovered' something else to be addicted to...besides Avon Care Deeply Lip Balm. Well.. maybe just at a different level. It's flightstats.com. Oh my gravy! I just love looking at where his plane is at any given moment. I sit there as it switches screens and gives me all sorts of useful info. How far he's traveled. How much further to go. What state he's flying over. Oh lookie.. he's over Nevada now! Clearly my life is jam packed with excitement everyday, isn't it?

Another funny thing... Boo is taking Home Ec this year. She was excited beyond herself at the thought as she'd never had that opportunity before and now it's a reality. She. loves. it. And she's learning valuable stuff too. So far they've made lemonade. And cookies. And cupcakes. But even more important are those "life lessons", as we'll call them. The stuff you can't learn from a book or from any recipe card. She came home the other day telling how she finally understands why I complain about my back when I do the dishes. Preach it sister! I love it!

The fun of Home Ec doesn't end there, though. There are at least a few more "life lessons" to come. So stay tuned. This weekend is going to be interesting!

an empty feeling

The past few days, I've felt like I was rattling around in an empty house. Like I wasn't sure what to do with myself. My hubby's out of town on business. He comes home tonight. This was an 'easy' trip. It was only two days. He's usually gone a whole week. Every time.

I just feel 'off' when he's gone. It feels odd to go to bed. It feels odd to cook a meal and only set out two plates. Even the cat kinda walks around hunting for what his missing. Boo lives for when the phone rings and 'it might be Daddy'. But more often than not I have to tell her he's still at work, or still asleep or 'still' something and he probably won't be calling at that time. Don't you just love time differences?

He comes home tonight. Jet lag and all. We'll be thrilled to have him home... of course. And I'll be exhausted, since I don't sleep 'right' when he's gone. And he'll be awake wanting to talk. Don't you just love jet lag?

But all of this makes me think of the ones for whom 'Daddy' isn't coming home. Maybe he's in the military. Maybe he hasn't been in the picture for a long time. Maybe he died. What about those? The empty bed won't be warm again. There won't be hugs and kisses and maybe presents (that's only happened once... can you say 'long layover' and 'bored Daddy'? I knew you could!) tonight.

The other day, Boo was at a church event and hubby and I had some time to ourselves and we were fresh from coloring chili peppers, so we had thoughts of Bub running through our minds. So I asked if he'd like to go to the cemetery. He said sure. We've only been together a couple of times. We always walk around. (we're weird LOL) We stumbled upon a grave that we think might belong to a friend of ours. He died unexpectedly. I think of his wife daily. Just makes me sad for her and her kids. He's not coming home tonight. No happy reunion. This feeling I've had for a few days is other people's normal. Just makes me sad.

hair plus 8

There are so many things running through my head this morning. And guess what... not a bit of it's important! LOL

One thing... I'm sitting here with my hair wrapped up in one of those Turbie Twist things. Yes, I actually have one. But I didn't get it over TV. I bought it at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Don't get one if you have long hair. The 'towel' is so thin you can see through it. A bit of a rip off, I would say. But since I gave up on the 'growing it out thing' and cut my hair short recently, it works fine. But here's the thing... I'm sitting here with my hair wrapped up because... I don't like the fuss of getting ready in the morning. Isn't that weird? It's the hair part that gets me. I can't even believe I used to have long hair since I've never liked messing with it. Do you like fussing with your hair in the mornings?

And the other thing.. I like to watch Jon & Kate plus 8. I would not dare post anything about this if my blog were searchable because I think it would cause me to have to shut it down... there are some militant people on both sides of the fence as far as this show goes. Just call me Switzerland! At one time I would've said "I love this show". I really do want to like them. I get bummed when I miss it. I tape it. It can be fun to watch. But Kate needs to watch her mouth. She can be very cutting and rude. Especially to Jon. Also I wish they would be as hard on the big girls as they seem to be on the little ones. Madi's got a mouth on her and she never gets corrected. I know we don't see everything and they do some clever editing etc. Buuut.... she seems to never get reprimanded or corrected and enjoys spouting off snotty little remarks and seems to soak up 'the camera' in the process. Heads up.. that ain't cute. Neither are Kate's snotty remarks... to Jon.. about Jon.. about GUM.. about other people. It's sad. I like this show. And I laugh at things. And then I wonder.. what did I just laugh at and why??? I guess it's just not funny to me anymore.

Wow... I got some hard hitting stuff today.. don't I???

chili peppers

We ate at Chili's over the weekend and they just started their annual Create a Pepper campaign. It creates awareness of childhood cancer and raises funds for St. Jude Children's Hospital. We have colored peppers every year for Bub. This year is no exception. As we walked into the entry way, I saw them hanging on the windows. It took my breathe away a little bit. It always does. Here we are. Another year later. Coloring a pepper. Again.

Daddyman drew Bub's favorite things. Two kitties. (he slept with two Beanie Baby kitties he named Kitty and Meow Meow... ooo, the creativity of a two year old!) Blue from Blue's Clues. Bob and Larry from Veggie Tales. And some other little things.

I wrote a very short version of his story on mine. I used a pen.

We always want to make our peppers personal.. as in.. YES, this disease really strike families that look just like us... the patrons you see every day. It happens more than you think. I think that's why we put our hearts on those little peppers every year. A tiny way to raise awareness.

We both joked about wanting to bring in our own drawing pencils next time. Their crayons aren't the best. LOL

We handed them to our waiter. And then waited. For the inevitable. Something always happens.

This time, it was the manager who came and talked to us for a minute. It was very sweet of her to come and find us. We enjoyed our little chat with her. We will probably color another pepper before the campaign is over.

Draw one yourself. It's for a good cause!