perspective

There has been a lot going on lately at Chateau Notes. Life happens. And sometimes it is messy and hard. (we are fine...just normal stuff)

Recently we purchased new floors. Buy buy Bye-bye carpet and hello looks like wood vinyl planks. (Cali Bamboo LVP). I chose Cali because they are a pretty clean product with ultra low VOCs and that is important to me. But what an ordeal!

We spent about two weeks moving as much as we could to our dining room and kitchen..and even our extra bathtub..stack stack stack. It was crazy. But our installer called us dream clients because we did so much of the work for him. :) They ripped out all the old carpet..dust dust dust flying everywhere. GROSS. And they got busy installing our new floors. It took three days. We stayed two nights in a hotel.

And then we came home to a dusty dirty post reno MESS. But I couldn't get the floors looking clean. Major struggle bus. I think I figured out my problem today and used a different cleaner and they seem much prettier today..but its cloudy and dark out and I need a sunny day to know for sure.

But this whole thing along with a few other things going on, had me flaring with my breathing problems and just generally annoyed at life. Sometimes the everyday funk just gets me down, ya know?

I was scrolling and generally feeling sorry for myself when I stumbled upon a video from a local news personality. I knew she had breast cancer just three years ago. And then had a handful of 'state of the art' surgeries to rebuild her chest. Her latest video was announcing that she had metastatic breast cancer.  Her clock is ticking.

Y'all.

I had to stop and pray. And thank God that I feel great and can do things like left heavy furniture and boxes and that I'm dealing with everyday life..and not dealing with mortality.

It's hard to get flustered about smudges on floors when I could be fighting even harder for my life than I currently do.

So today I mopped my floors..again...with a new perspective. And Hope that goes beyond a better floor cleaner. 

Romans 15:13 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (italics mine)

on contentment

A few years back we thought about selling our house. But we never found something we liked. And then I got sick. So yeah..that was that.

Fast forward some years and we are thinking about it again. We need a little more space. Our daughter, while grown, isn't going anywhere. And we could use a tad more space.

I think about what I want style wise and I get overwhelmed. I look at my own house and begin to dream about all the ways I could change it.

But to what?

I started following a lot of home decor instagrammers. It just kinda happened. I followed Layla at The Lettered Cottage forever as a blogger and then followed her on insta. I guess she was the 'gateway drug' to many more decor accounts. But the funny thing is, their houses are all but identical. I'm not saying they are exactly alike, because they certainly aren't. But they have some serious similarities. And then I look around at my house, not looking a lick like any of them.

And I get restless.

My walls aren't gray. My cabinets aren't painted white. I don't have dark hardwood floors. I don't have hardwood floors at all. I don't have white slip covers. I don't have neutral, muted, soothing tones all over my house. And it was really getting to me. I kept thinking about going for 'the fixer upper look'.

But then I remembered what I have been saying for a long time about Fixer Upper...even though I totally adore Chip and Joanna, there is no way I could live in a black and white house. I need more color than a basket of apples or a vase of flowers. That is not a pop of color in my world.

So I am learning to look around my house and be content with I see. To be thankful for our house. It isn't photo ready or all grays and whites. It isn't 'all of the things', at all. But it is us. It has 'friendly yellow'..yes thats the actual color name..walls. And I love them. I have a dark red chenille couch..and I love it. I have simple antiques and things I have collected over time that mean so much to me. I made the curtains in my living areas..deep red with flowers and red, yellow, green and blue checks too. And I love those too.

I am so thankful that I have taken a pause from drooling over all things insta and looked around my own house and realized I don't need gray walls and white cabinets and wood floors and all of the things, for my house to be 'just so'.

It already is. Because it's mine and it was lovingly curated over many years. And I don't plan on changing it anytime soon. And that's good.

Be content today, friends. :)

such a long day

Yesterday was such a long day. It doesn’t help that it started at 5am when I woke up and couldn’t fall back to sleep. UGH.

I got up and got it together because I was expecting a crew to work in my back yard. After all the drama we’ve had and all the “we were going to move but we never found a house and now we’re sort of thankful because our needs are different now than they were a year and half ago” stuff, we are getting a new fence. We have had issues with unwanted (bad) dogs getting into our yard for a couple of years. And little more than small patch jobs after the fact. We realized we are going to have to shoulder the responsibility of redoing an entire wall of fence…and pay for it. Not cheap! 

We haven’t used our yard in two years. Let that one sink in. Two years that we have felt like prisoners in our own home.

So after all the waiting and the bids and what not, we finally found somebody to come and do the fence. A metal SOLID fence that is 7 feet above the ground and one foot below. The dogs are diggers (bored most of the time). That should fix their little red wagons, as my parents used to say.

They arrived and started working and then I headed to ‘the big city’ for my onc appointment. 40 miles one way. They were busier than usual and I had to wait a while but that was ok. He was a sweetie as usual and finally I was on the road for home…so tired and sleepy at this point. It was after 1pm when I got home, and I still needed to eat. So I threw my lunch together. And then went to the gym. Did I mention that I was wiped out? But I still managed to do my usual cardio. It felt good and then I crashed in the car and felt so tired I couldn’t move. And then I came home and made dinner. Last night was one of those nights that ‘in the olden days’ I would have called and told the hubs he needed to bring home take out. But I can cook healthier than that, so I persevered.

The only thing keeping me going was knowing I could go to bed soon. And then I went to bed and finally fell asleep. Only to wake up at 3am this morning and not be able to fall back asleep. I finally did get in another nap before time to wake up ‘for good’. Now I’m waiting for the fence guys to come again to bury the posts and dig the trench. And tomorrow, they install the actual fence and we will be able to use the yard again.

I am already asking for a yard swing for our swing set. And some twinkle lights for the patio. We might even be able to take our new-ish camera outside and get a little practice with it.

Vitamin D not from a bottle, here I come. : )

Is it nap time yet? 

last day

We’ve been discussing the (possible/probable/whatever) move a lot around our house. But this week we’re kind of distracted.  

Today is the last day.

The last day Bub…ok…Landon..was with us. I thought you all might like to know Bub’s real name. Although more often than not, we speak of him as Bub ourselves.

Anyway, today is the 9th anniversary of Landon’s last day with us.

He was bedridden this last week. He wanted to play computer games at one point, so I carried him to the chair in big sister’s room and he played his little Tonka truck game for a while. And he napped and woke up on this day, as if normal.

But he was hurting.

Later in the evening, the girl and I curled up near the couch where Landon was resting and watching tv. Each of us drinking him up in our own way…talking and saying silly things and just speaking gently to him of our love.

Later in the evening, Daddy gave him a bath. His last. He wanted a mint that night so we gave him a mint and put on a medicine patch. And sent him to bed. You can read more of this night here.

So just for now..for this week..unless I am feeling particularly “in the mood”, the house hunt is off. I just can’t handle the stress of this week coupled with looking at houses and trying to decide another place to live.

And leaving the house we all lived in.

Just can’t handle doing all of that at once.

Today is a special day. It’s a day we lived life together. We hugged. We kissed. We laughed.

We loved.

And we still do.

house thoughts

Been thinking a lot about ‘the new house’…where ever it will be. And whatever it will look like. Unloading the dishwasher and cleaning off counters. I picked out the counter tops myself,  thinking we would be living here “forever”. And now forever might be ending. Everything is in easy reach. I can quickly get the job done in that room. Plenty of storage and counter space and the perfect work triangle. Not fancy by any stretch of the imagination, but it works. And it’s mine.

The workers finished doing some little repairs yesterday. And today I went to Home Depot to buy some paint etc to finish the job myself. A part of me is excited to “move on”. And then another part of me is holding on. Holding on to the comfort of this house. Our house. The house we all lived in. And I know I will carry all of that with me if/when we move, but it’s still hard to think about turning my back on this house. I still see wiggly little bodies when I look in the bathtub. Or a sweet boy curled up for sleep when I look in the office (that was his room). Or the high chair in the corner of the dining room. Even though all of it is long gone.

This is just hard. And the thing that makes it harder is the fact that we can’t find anything we like. I’m just sad. And it doesn’t help that we’re moving ever closer to Bub’s anniversary day. All these moving thoughts combined with remembering and not wanting to forget and yet realizing that every year takes me another year away from all of it.  I realize that some of my memories are fading.

And then I shop for houses.

And I’m in a weird tug of war with my own thoughts.

And yet that life is over. We have moved on. And that is ok.

I know these thoughts are not even from God. He is not the one that wants to hold me captive to emotions and thoughts from the past. I don’t know where I am in everything house related today and I don’t know how to tie this little posty up in a cute little bow either.

This is just where I am today.

I just need to pray and have more of Him in me…especially at this time.

I’m not a very patient hunter.

I feel like I’m in a never ending episode of House Hunters. All I need is Suzanne Whang narrating as we go from room to room and house to house.

I’ve seen some pretty houses. And I’ve seen some not so pretty houses. I’ve seen some with good storage. And some with barely any storage.

And I’ve seen a bunch of other stuff too.

People..what are you thinking sometimes???

I’ve seen a house with three back doors. Three! And they were just a few feet from each other.

I’ve seen a house with only one back door…in the master bedroom. Why???

I’m seeing a lot of houses with the master potty just smack dab in the middle of the bathroom. Um..no. Door please!

I’m running into a lot of houses with the hot water heater in a closet in the hallway…or even worse…in the attic. And as my hubby says, everything is fine until it isn’t and then you’ve got a big problem on your hands.

I saw the most amazing house a couple of days ago. It’s in a great location for us. The house is the right size. It has an amazing kitchen…new granite and brand new stainless appliances…just so pretty. Large eat in kitchen, large family room. I walked through those rooms and thought my dreams were about to come true.

And then I went down the hallway and started checking the (what I call) kid rooms. Not a single walk in closet among them. Just little (what I call) flat closets barely deeper than a hanger. I was so bummed. I left that house shaking my head and sad….as I walked past an enormous formal area in the front, that I honestly don’t have a clue what I’d ever do with. Why oh why…can they make some spaces crazy big and then overlook something so basic as a real closet???

Some days I’m encouraged by what I see and then other days I feel like I’m never going to find the right house for us.

But I guess it’s ok that I haven’t found it yet…I’m having my repairs done here next week and I still need to declutter before it even goes on the market.

So! I guess I need to get my hands on some boxes and quit thinking about what I can’t find just yet.  : )

the pink stuff

Strawberry frosting?

Not quite!

Working on the walls in the garage of our really old house so I can make them pretty again. Don’t worry..it dries white. 

I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen to this little cutie…

…and her new little pal on the other wall…

I need to think of something temporary to put in their places.  : )

letting go

We went to Home Depot over the weekend to buy some stuff to start making a few repairs to the house before it goes on the market. I’m excited. And I’m not.

I’m excited about the thought of a new neighborhood. (you have no idea) I’m excited about figuring out where all our stuff goes and the colors on the walls, rugs etc.

We found a house I love (hubs doesn’t even bother to go see them until I give the go ahead..he still hasn’t seen any), but it had a pool. *Not gonna happen. But this house was just perfect. Not too big, not too small.  And pretty much a blank canvas. I think there were only two things hanging on the walls in the whole house. Great layout etc. I’ve been mentally decorating that house even though it’s a firm no-go.

And because of this, the reality of not living in this house is setting in.

After Bub slipped away, we had to decide whether we were going to live in ‘this’ house or buy another. We looked but couldn’t settle on anything. And the bottom line was that we just weren’t ready to part with it. It held lots of memories…some happy and some very very sad..but all fresh. And we just weren’t ready to let go.

So we remodeled and stayed. And I could tuck those memories safely away and not really think about the idea of not being able to ‘see’ them while walking around my house. And now I’m faced with this (hopefully) fact that we will leave here sometime (hopefully) soon and never come back. Never walk down the hallway. Never scrub the kids’ tub. Never put clothes in these closets. And it’s hitting me a little bit.

But I told hubs this morning that I’m kind of looking forward to being in our home office and it not being the room in which Bub breathed his last. I don’t think about that every time I’m in there…if I did, it would be bad. But I do think it. Sometimes. We do carry on normal lives in all the rooms of our house. But those thoughts are there…mostly untouched.

Until now.

I’m learning that I’ll need to work through some more grief to let go and move on.

*I told my realtor the other day that if the perfect house can come along with a pool, then another perfect one can come along without one. : )

good fortune

We had lunch at Pei Wei today.

We got three fortune cookies. This was one of them.

Very interesting.

*fingers crossed*

(not that I believe in fortune cookies or crossed fingers for that matter. I just thought it was cool.)

I hope it doesn’t take a year!

But I do hope it’s wonderful! : )

irons in the fire

There seems to be a lot of irons in the fire these days. And then throw in a “might” thing, and I’ve just been hopping.

First of all, Friday was crazy. By noon I had a blog post written in my head about how nutty the day had been. But it only went downhill from there and by the end of the day I didn’t even want to think about it, much less write about it. I was just glad it was over.

I was doing a lot of washing so the girl could go to Disciple Now weekend at church. In true Texas style, we knew the weather was fluctuating and she wasn’t sure what she wanted to wear.

And the cat was acting funny. It’s never good when you get a text while you’re at the grocery store telling you that the cat has been doing Toby’s new trick all over the house.  Things can only go down hill from there.

But I got the house cleaned up, killed a bug and got the cat to the vet. She needed some assistance, shall we say. They kept her for a while and then I went to pick her up. She had a little bit of litter on her tail and I thought I’d just wipe it off with a wet paper towel. Well..that would be my bad for assuming without taking stock in the situation.

She needed a bath. Just let that settle in, won’t you. The CAT needed a bath.

I didn’t have any cat shampoo because cats usually take care of this sort of thing on their own. I had some cat wash stuff that you just put on a cloth and rub all over her, but that just wasn’t gonna cut it. So I sat her in some water in the sink. I thought I’d have less chance of losing her in the sink rather than with me hunched over the tub. I’m getting too old for that kinda stuff. She sat there with the offending end parts in the water while we splashed her and cleaned her paws with cat wash. We left her in the bathroom for quite some time hoping she would finish the job and get herself presentable. But I guess she was traumatized. She just sat there on a towel staring at the door.

Finally I let her out of the bathroom and she settled on her spot and got herself prettied up.

I am still giving her wet food with medicine mixed in. We’ve never given wet food. It smells. That is all I have to say about that. I’m still watching her intake and her box to see that she gets all straightened out.

And now for the “might”..we might sell our house. We have to find something we like first, and that is proving to be anything but easy. I’m picky. But I think everybody is. So I am trying to be patient. I’m not very good at it.

And I’m calling to get prices on a few fixes here. If we do sell, everything will be updated and pretty. And if we don’t sell, WE can enjoy the updates ourselves. This not what I call ‘the fun part’. The fun part is fixing up the new place and the old place selling easily. The selling part doesn’t always happen easily in this market. I’m a little skeert.

And I bought some cat shampoo.