the last day

We lost our son on April 5, 2002, but really April 4 was his last day. We exhausted all our medical options in the fall of '01 after chemo, surgery, radiation and a transplant were unsuccessful. Sometimes people ask me about this time of year. Its hard to put into words sometimes. this is 'anniversary week' and so many thoughts wash over me at this time every year. There are many memories... sad and yet so precious. He was a sick little boy and we spent his last week not knowing when 'the end' would come. It hurt so bad to know that he hurt and I couldn't make it all go away. All I could do was pray. It's a very helpless and hopeless situation, if it weren't for God's grace day by day. So on the night of the 4th, we watched him and talked to him and played with him and enjoyed what little time we had left together. Sometimes he would smile and jabber and be silly and other times he would just lay on the couch watching tv. The Boo and I were sitting on the couch with him and just talking and telling him we loved him. It is a precious thought to me even now.. that time spent doing nothing in particular... just looking at him and all of us being together. In my mind I was wondering how many nights we would be repeating this process 'just in case'.

After taking a bath, and putting some meds on via a patch, Daddy and I and Bubba snuggled up in his bed and Daddy started reading bedtime stories to him, as was the nightly custom. We would always read books and then Bible stories to him. He had several favorite books and we of course, had to read the story that had the butterflies in it.. butterflies had become a favorite thing of his...especially one 'gween one' he always pointed out to us. But we always finished with things about God. The last story my hubby read was about the little children coming to Jesus. I can remember putting my head against the safety rail on his bed and crying... for me, for us, for him and finally because of what that story 'meant' to us that night.. that Bubba was going to be with Jesus soon! Perhaps very soon! I soon began to realize Bubba quite possibly was going to be with Jesus and released from His pain before morning. That brought more tears! He drifted off into a deep, deep sleep and went into a coma very quickly and slipped away from us and into the arms of Jesus around 4am on April 5th. Praise God!