in a funk

So last night, I cried myself to sleep. And I don’t even know why.

As I mentioned in my last post, we would really like to just get in the van and GO. Get out of here and be somewhere else and enjoy some down time. But as I said, we have no idea where we would like to go. It’s a bummer.

But I think the real crux of it is some sort of strange let down reflex after going through dealing with those little bumps. And not really knowing what was going on there for a little bit. Both my doctors were confident that I was dealing with scar tissue. But in the end, both of them felt it best to get them removed. But it was a lot of here there and everywhere and then surgery…very minor, but still surgery…and then sitting in the recovery room and hearing my nurse tell somebody that she’s the girl that ‘just’ had some scar tissue removed. THAT is how I found out that all was well. Weird. Yes, I had asked for my husband, but I was feeling a little weird so they waited for me to feel a little better to let him come in. I hate that.

So maybe that is why I cried myself to sleep. Just a release from everything that has happened. But I know there is a frustrated-ness too. We have had a pretty bummer few months and now things are good. And yet our routine is just so monotonous at times. And unlike my sweet friend Karen who commented that summer has not arrived in the pacific northwest, there is no doubt that summer has arrived here. It’s been over a hundred for the last several days. Just going outside takes my breath away and makes my skin burn. So the thought of a ‘stay-cation’ kind of makes me laugh. Or melt.

I know that our trip to Tennessee last year was a gift. It was beautiful there and we thoroughly enjoyed the low key trip (but we don’t want to go back). It was a great trip to have fresh on my memory as we dove into dealing with my health for a bit. And now I guess I’m just searching for the next gift after the past few months of rough stuff we’ve dealt with. A fitting bookend to all that has happened, if you will.

a week ago today…

…I got my stitches out. I left to buy groceries earlier that day and when I got home, there was a car in the driveway. We expected company, I just didn’t know what time.

So I had to cross the awkward bridge before I was even in the door. 

The awkward you’re flat. And later you won’t be awkward.

But it went ok. I think it was me more than anybody else, so I guess it was good I had to dive in feet first so to speak. And sort of get it out of the way.

I have been able to jump right in to wearing my foobs again, pretty much full time. I am so thankful for that! : )

We are in discussions right now as to where we would like to go on vacation. We’ve toyed with different parts of Colorado. Thoughts? Anyone…anyone. Bueller. (sorry, couldn’t resist!)

It’s nice to be able to think about something like a vacation after getting all that other stuff over with. I just wish we could come up with something.

Ideas are welcome. : )

a little walk

I went for a little walk today. Hardest walk since my surgery. I did some pretty good cardio on the treadmill. I did almost 2 miles in about 28  minutes.

Woot.

Nevermind that I had to stop right in the middle of my cool down because my asthma was bothering me. At least it started bothering me at the end, instead of at the beginning. Moving on..

I usually walk on a track (indoors). But they were having a basketball camp down below in the gym. (I walk in a church wellness center.) So I chose to go to the work out room and use a machine rather than subject myself to dribbledribbledribbledribble. You get the picture.

And it was good. I didn’t do my normal cardio, which is a specific routine created for me by my personal trainer. So I plopped my ear buds in and enjoyed some Chris Tomlin. One line that stuck out to me today was “You take the pieces and turns them to praises…”. I love that! Because it’s so true. I don’t have anything of value to offer God or do for Him that makes me worthy of anything. I’m truly nothing. A speck on a speck, if you will. But He can take the pieces of my life…the things that are hard (including what happened to Landon and my current health issues)…the things that don’t even make sense to me or are too hard to even understand and recreate me into something that can see His work in the midst of it all. And turn them to praises. So true. If we will let it be so.

Love!

If the video doesn’t work, here is the link.

a bump in the road

Benign. I will start my story with that word and move on from there. I hate it when someone writes a post that has me worried and I struggle to quickly scan to see if the person is ok and miss most of their content because I am looking for the answer.

So I’ll start with the answer…it’s benign.

The other day I felt two strange bumps on my chest, right beside one of my scars. I know! Not the sort of thing a sort of girl like me wanted to feel.

I went to my onc, and he didn’t seem too worried about it. At first, he thought I should just watch it…or have a biopsy. And then he said maybe I should just go see my surgeon “because two heads are better than one” and see what she thought. Her thought was to either watch it…or have it removed. Both of them thought it might be a suture or scar tissue doing something weird. Neither of them were very concerned or freaked out about it. (which really surprised me…and calmed me in a strange sort of way)

But in the end, both of them leaned towards me having it checked out.

So today I had surgery to have two very small lumps removed from my left ‘chest’. (my issues were all on the right in the beginning) I found it mildly amusing that they called my little surgery today a “breast biopsy” because I don’t HAVE breasts. Anyway… I guess I’m easily amused.

I won’t lie… I was scared this wasn’t going to end up as the ‘nothing’ they both tried to reassure me it was, if you get my drift. I was worried. I have been so ready to get to today and get it over with for quite some time now. And it finally came and went.

I really like my breast surgeon. She’s older and all business but she is kind and gentle too. She immediately knew when she got in there that I just had a little bundle of flesh that grew around a stitch causing a small knot. “Totally benign”…her words. I was a bit surprised to have the ‘results’ of this so quickly. I was figuring I’d have to wait for labs etc to know anything, but I guess it was pretty easy for her to see what it was.

I am so thankful today is done. And that I already know what was going on inside me.

Now to heal up. Again. I keep wondering if this is a couple of steps back as far as wearing a bra and the foobs. I really don’t know how long the healing process will be for this little tiny surgery.

But that is ok. : )