another word

I listened to a Dennis Jernigan song last night that I hadn't heard in a while. But it just about brought me to tears. In some ways, it's a simple song, but in other ways, it speaks profoundly and deeply to the heart within me that yearns for more of the Father.

It's called If I Could Just Sit With You a While. I'm not sure who wrote it, but it was on DJ's cd. Some of the words are....

When I cannot feel, when my wounds don't heal

Lord I humbly kneel, hidden in You

Lord, You are my life so I don't mind to die Just as long as I am hidden in You

If I could just sit with You a while, if You could just hold me

Nothing could touch me though I'm wounded, though I die

If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

One of the other words I underestimated when I began to walk with God in earnest was abide. It was a word I never considered very much. It was always a pretty word and I knew it had meaning, but I never could grasp exactly what it was. I'm still learning to grasp it.

When Bub was first diagnosed, I sat there at the hospital staring at his treatment plan. I was overwhelmed. When we finally returned home and a little bit of normalcy crept back into our lives, I'd look at my son and all I could hear were 'the odds' and how they were pretty slim that he'd survive. And yet he was a running around, giggling, child that still needed attention, love and discipline... just like a 'normal' child. I couldn't shake seeing him as 'dead'... that was all I could see in front of me for a time. Abide

I was scared. What were we gonna do? How was I going to go through this as a mother? The list of things we had to do to try to save him was very long... and terrifying. I'd never even heard of a stem cell transplant before.. .and we were standing in line for one. Surgery after surgery. Hospital stay after hospital stay. Drugs. Needles. Crying. Final diagnosis. Dying. Abide.

Now all these years later, I'm looking at my daughter going into her last year of middle school, but at a brand new school. New experience for all of us. We don't know anyone there yet. It's exciting yet scary at the same time. Abide.

When Jesus was facing his last days on earth before His crucifixion, He went about doing what He needed to do with each person He met along the way. He was not frozen or paralyzed with fear or anxiety. He wasn't focused on next week or six months from now. But in that moment, He prayed and sought His Father. I've learned, but at times need to be reminded, of that. To seek Him in the now. It's always now. To crawl up in my heavenly Father's lap like a little girl and sit with Him a while. Abide.

John 15:4 "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."