On the calendar for today is a small letter (Bub's initial) and a number "11". We try not to think about it and the day goes by without much mention. At some point today, the hubby and I will exhange glances and that will say it all.
Today is a day that would have been. Today Bub would have been eleven.
I could go on and on about the "he will nevers" in our lives.. he will never be an adolescent. He will never go to middle school. On and on. But there are other "he will nevers". He will never be teased on a playground because he might be slower or less coordinated than his classmates because of his treatment. He will never hurt again. He will never cry again. He will never be sad or scared or afraid of the dark.
A side story: We were talking to Boo one time not too long after Bub's passing and having a discussion on heaven. Remember, she was seven at the time, so it was pretty simplistic stuff. But that's ok, because Jesus wants us to come to Him like little children. Deeply dependant and wide eyed with anticipation. Anyway.. we mentioned that were was no night in heaven... only light. And her reaction... gee whiz.. he always gets to do the fun stuff! I think I was a little stunned by her reaction. I guess I expected more quiet reflection. But anybody that has small children and have experienced a loss can tell you... kids will totally surprise you with their responses at times.
But her words are correct. He does get to do the fun stuff. I saw a picture at the Christian bookstore not long after we lost him. It was a depiction of Jesus holding a little boy. I didn't buy it. I am not very crazy about 'pictures of Jesus' since we don't know what He looks like. But the mental image has stayed with me a long time. My baby, my little deposit in heaven, can sit in Jesus' lap and be loved and cared for with an eternal love that is beyond anything we can experience here. He is where I need to be today. Sitting at Jesus' feet.
Happy Birthday, sweet boy!
5 comments:
Dear Kay,
Sending you birthday greetings and honoring your sweet boy with you. I am hoping that nothing can diminish the delight in your memory of your the day he was born. I understand the hurts over the "he will never" thoughts, and the relief over the other "he will never (be hurt, etc...)" thoughts. I've had those, myself.
May God carry you, your husband and daughter this day, and help you through it...and through every day without your dear son. I am glad that you have such comfort in your faith.
Kay,
What a beautiful way to look at the precious life of your little boy. How blessed he is that "he will never" suffer - never again!
I am praying for you and your family. May the Lord bless you and continue to heal your hearts, and gift you with beautiful memories of every little thing about him.
Jennifer
OK... I read your post at least 15 minutes ago, and I have to tell you... I'm still crying right now thinking about the deep loss your family has experienced. I am so sorry for the loss, and am so glad that the Lord has shown you His faithfulness through it all!
awww...you had me at eleven.
My heart is with you.
I hope you are doing ok.
you and your family are in my prayers.
Happy Bubba's Birthday to you sweet friend. Our choir is singing "No More Night" this Sunday and I will be thinking of you and your family as we sing it.
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