...so I was standing there in Hobby Lobby blinking back tears. I think the weight of what I didn't get to take care of in April had been buried under the surface for months. Summer came and I attended to being Boo's mom and doing the normal stuff. And yet the thought of what I had not done yet was festering.
I missed putting flowers on Bub's grave in April at his death anniversary date. So there I was in Hobby Lobby.
Every time I pick, I pick something different. I walk in and begin this little conversation inside my head... what's it gonna be this time? What color? What kind? And so it goes. I always pick something different. I've chosen bluebonnets, red roses, yellow roses, spring mixes...you name it, it's been there. Today? I picked... well, I guess they would be called winter white roses. They're sort of cream colored. I loved them.
I almost didn't go. It rained yesterday. But the sun comes out periodically today. I was worried about mud. I hate going on messy days. But I knew it would be ok. When he died, it rained in the days before he was buried, but then it was pretty that day. Mud wasn't a problem. So I knew it would be ok. I have experience. Sad, isn't it?
I did my usual. I picked up the sticks and things that end up on his marker. I replaced the flowers. The old ones were waaaay sad. I felt bad. But life just kept happening in April and I kept getting sick and it just never happened and then school let out for the summer. I like to look at his marker. The butterflies on it are perfect. He loved those. I always stand there and read the words under his name.
August 27, 1997 - April 5, 2002
A beloved one, taken from us, but also from
life full of sicknesses and cancer to Life with God
in heaven that is too wonderful to imagine. The struggle
of the cocoon is over...he is free!
I smiled and walked away.
1 comment:
What a difficult thing to do, but how lovely are the words that you chose for his marker. God bless you.
Post a Comment