I feel like I've got a moment to breathe today.
Life has once again leveled out for a moment and I've been able to exhale a little bit. Again.
My tendency is just to dust myself off and forget about everything. But I can't. And God doesn't want me to.
Because if I do, then I tend to forget how dependent I really am on Him when life is hard.
And when it doesn't seem quite as hard. Because my need is the same. No matter what.
But for today... I'm enjoying a moment to breathe... a moment on the plateau.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
lunch
I had lunch yesterday with a sweet friend of mine. We'll call her SF...short for sweet friend. The cleverness never ends, does it? Anyway... I am little surprised these days that she even wants to have anything to do with me. I haven't been much fun lately. But she agreed to meet me for lunch yesterday.
Because that's what SF's do.
Our conversation covered a wide range of topics. We talked about documenting our faith stories for our children. (little does she know about my blog, since none of my IRL friends know about it.. that I know of!) I told her about my recent shot record fiasco. And since she knows the details of the major things stressing me out these days, we talked about that some too. And I could hardly keep from bawling for most of our meal.
I started on some new hormone medication the other day and laughingly told her that I checked to see if mood swings were a side affect and alas they were not. So my crazy emotional state is all me. I don't know whether to say LOL or boo hoo, ya know?
We also talked about how we've both experienced different kinds of losses. And that those losses are teaching us not to hold on to things like our children quite as hard. I nodded in agreement...tears already filling my eyes. Life is fragile.
She is not the first person in the past week I've had that discussion with.
But talking about not holding tightly to our children reminded me of something. Something I have never told her. Something I've never told anybody. I remember very early on in my walk with God, that He was calling me to tell Him that my children were His. I think I knew that mentally and in our denomination, we do what is called a dedication where the parents promise to raise their kids and bring them up to want to know Christ and 'dedicate' our children to God, but for many it is mostly a ceremony and a photo op. And deep down in my heart, I knew I was holding on to my children and so this is why He was calling me to tell Him they were His. I did.
And I grieved. Like a death.
Probably a year or so after that is when neuroblastoma came into our lives. And you know the rest of the story. But I think a part of me grieved that loss long before it was to become a reality. Sometimes people say that my story makes them hold on to their own children tighter.
Don't.
Hold on to HIM tighter. Because He is the one that holds their lives in His hands.
Because that's what SF's do.
Our conversation covered a wide range of topics. We talked about documenting our faith stories for our children. (little does she know about my blog, since none of my IRL friends know about it.. that I know of!) I told her about my recent shot record fiasco. And since she knows the details of the major things stressing me out these days, we talked about that some too. And I could hardly keep from bawling for most of our meal.
I started on some new hormone medication the other day and laughingly told her that I checked to see if mood swings were a side affect and alas they were not. So my crazy emotional state is all me. I don't know whether to say LOL or boo hoo, ya know?
We also talked about how we've both experienced different kinds of losses. And that those losses are teaching us not to hold on to things like our children quite as hard. I nodded in agreement...tears already filling my eyes. Life is fragile.
She is not the first person in the past week I've had that discussion with.
But talking about not holding tightly to our children reminded me of something. Something I have never told her. Something I've never told anybody. I remember very early on in my walk with God, that He was calling me to tell Him that my children were His. I think I knew that mentally and in our denomination, we do what is called a dedication where the parents promise to raise their kids and bring them up to want to know Christ and 'dedicate' our children to God, but for many it is mostly a ceremony and a photo op. And deep down in my heart, I knew I was holding on to my children and so this is why He was calling me to tell Him they were His. I did.
And I grieved. Like a death.
Probably a year or so after that is when neuroblastoma came into our lives. And you know the rest of the story. But I think a part of me grieved that loss long before it was to become a reality. Sometimes people say that my story makes them hold on to their own children tighter.
Don't.
Hold on to HIM tighter. Because He is the one that holds their lives in His hands.
Friday, April 24, 2009
why? *edited*
So many things have been going on lately. Stressful things. Things I can't really blog about, but anyhoo.... a very big issue that's been going on, undid itself yesterday, letting me take a huge exhale and hopefully put this one little problem 'to bed' as they say. Not to say that everything is peachy and everything is 'over'... far from it. But this one detail that was up in the air for weeks, isn't any longer. And I'm so glad.
But... right when this thing happened (and again I hate to be vague, but sometimes it's just best, ya know) ...anyway, when this thing happened that put some things up in the air, I struggled and was angry and confused and didn't know where to turn next and was just generally exhausted from the stress and anxiety of everything. And then fiiiinally I prayed. I know. My bad. Why do we think we've got to handle everything? When God wants us to cast all our cares on Him, because He cares for us? I will never know why. But still, I do it.
And something happened when I prayed. I got a response. Getting the response itself wasn't really the interesting part... but the response was. And yet from where I was sitting, I could not see how in the world we were gonna get from Point A to Point B... especially from where I was sitting at Point A. It seemed impossible. And that led to more distress. Again, trying to handle everything and caving in under the stress of it all. And why???
I have struggled a lot this past few weeks. I would remember Point B as it had been laid out before me by God... and look at where we seemed to be....still hovering around in A Land and it just tore me apart. And the clock kept ticking and nothing was happening.
Yesterday the phone rang. Point B! It just landed in my lap. Big exhale. And yet, as I hung up the phone I realized I could have exhaled several weeks ago. But why??? Because of me. My flesh nature that reasons and thinks about things and tries to figure things out and worries and and and...!
We were never meant for that. I know that. And God knows that. And sometimes He gives me a refresher on it. Again. : )
*Edited* Some days the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. *sigh*
But... right when this thing happened (and again I hate to be vague, but sometimes it's just best, ya know) ...anyway, when this thing happened that put some things up in the air, I struggled and was angry and confused and didn't know where to turn next and was just generally exhausted from the stress and anxiety of everything. And then fiiiinally I prayed. I know. My bad. Why do we think we've got to handle everything? When God wants us to cast all our cares on Him, because He cares for us? I will never know why. But still, I do it.
And something happened when I prayed. I got a response. Getting the response itself wasn't really the interesting part... but the response was. And yet from where I was sitting, I could not see how in the world we were gonna get from Point A to Point B... especially from where I was sitting at Point A. It seemed impossible. And that led to more distress. Again, trying to handle everything and caving in under the stress of it all. And why???
I have struggled a lot this past few weeks. I would remember Point B as it had been laid out before me by God... and look at where we seemed to be....still hovering around in A Land and it just tore me apart. And the clock kept ticking and nothing was happening.
Yesterday the phone rang. Point B! It just landed in my lap. Big exhale. And yet, as I hung up the phone I realized I could have exhaled several weeks ago. But why??? Because of me. My flesh nature that reasons and thinks about things and tries to figure things out and worries and and and...!
We were never meant for that. I know that. And God knows that. And sometimes He gives me a refresher on it. Again. : )
*Edited* Some days the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. *sigh*
Thursday, April 23, 2009
she's been 'in'
The cat has been 'in' today. But what has she been in? Hiding? Nooooo.
Has she been in a box? Nooooo.
Has she been a stowaway? Nooooo.
Has she been in a basket? Nooooo.
Where has Annabelle been? She's been IN a carrier so she could go IN to see the vet. The fun never stops for me, people. My biggest problem this morning was getting her out from under the bed. She must'a heard me talkin' about her appointment this morning and decided to hide her little self just out of reach.
Great.
At different times, different things work to get her out. Dragging is NOT one of them, but the way. Sometimes water running will do it. Or turning on the vent in the bathroom. (she used to watch Boo take a bath all the time and still thinks turning on the vent means water will run soon). Or opening the front door so she can look through the glass. Well, today none of that stuff worked. So...
...I opened a window in our bedroom and let the sound of little chirping birdies fill the room. And she came out in about 5 seconds flat. I snagged her and put her in the bathroom until it was time to go. She did fine and now has some new sprinkle meds for her food and some eye drops.
That's always a fun one.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I spy
Sometimes kitties are all about body language... and this little pose pretty much says.... I spy with my little eye....
A bunny rabbit!
I know the pic isn't the greatest. I was taking it through the window. If I open the door,
sometimes it scares them and they hop away. This one and sometimes one other
one are regular visitors. On Easter morning they were both
hopping around and playing together and just being bunnies
I guess. So cute! : )
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
what does 90+9 equal
Today I felt like I had a million things on my to do list. I was needing to make some phone calls. And I was also waiting on some calls from the day before that I had not received. Well, I was washing my hair and the phone rang. Yay.. one of the calls I was waiting for. From Boo's pedi.
About shot records. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?
I told her I got a notice from the school that she needed one of her boosters, but that I knew she got it one night in urgent care (in the same group with her regular pedi, by the way). So the nurse told me to call urgent care and ask for it.
So I called urgent care only to find out they are NOT owned by the same people as her regular pedi any longer. And when that happened, it seems like they shipped all of those records to the children's hospital for storage and started over with a clean slate. So I needed to call the hospital and see if they could dig it up.
I called the hospital and after pressing one and six and saying yes and all that stuff I got to talk to a real live lady. She told me that I would have to sign a release of records for her to send me the shot records. ok. Can you fax it or email it? yes. (great..we're getting somewhere and it looks like this isn't going to take all day) Then she said it costs 90 cents for each page of things they have to print out for me. I knew it was just one page. So 90 cents. ok. She said she could bill me. That sounded great too. But then she said she had to receive payment of the 90 cents before she could release the shot records to me and that if we did things through the mail, it could take ten days to two weeks to complete the request, transaction and retrieval of my one piece of paper that has a one shot record on it that costs 90 cents.
You gotta be kiddin' me!
But the school needs this by May 5.
So I decided I needed to go down there so I could pay thestupid 90 cents and get my stupid one piece of paper with one shot noted on it. But nothing is as easy as it seems. Can you pick up on the theme of the day yet???? So I asked her where I needed to go to pick it up.
I loved her answer. "The hospital".
Me: (thinking) No duh, lady... I called YOU! "So where at the hospital should I go?"
lady: Have you been here before?
Me: um yeah.
lady: the basement
Me: (surprised) OH! I've never been to the basement before. (probably the only floor I've never been to at the children's hospital... remember this is where Bub was treated. Just the smells bring it all back.) So do I get on the regular elevator in the lobby and take it to the basement?
lady: No. There is an elevator next to the marble stairs. Take THAT elevator down to the basement.
Me: Oh ok.. I didn't even remember there was an elevator there. (duh..feeling pretty stupid because I thought I had every inch of the public places at that hospital memorized... and yes I had walked near those elevators dozens of times and did not remember them. sigh!)
So I got there and found a parking place. I hate parking garages. Even ones I'm familiar with. But I didn't do this one correctly and I ended up in an unfamiliar section (spoken from the girl that parks in the same place at Walmart every time so I can find my car.. ahem!) and I sort of freaked out that I was not gonna be able to find the roof. My ace in the hole is finding the roof to the parking garage and parking there. I know the roof. So finally I found my way up. But not to the section I'm comfortable with..on the roof. But I figured that part out. And remembered where the door was to the staircase that leads down to the skybridge that takes me over the street to the hospital to the marble stairs and the forgotten elevator to the lady named Sheila that had helped me over the phone and was sort of ready for me. I filled out a release. And paid my 90 cents. And then I got my one piece of paper that says she has had this one shot.
And I left. And drove down the maze of the parking garage, told the guy in the toll booth what I was there for (medical records) and he told me I didn't need to pay since I wasn't a visitor. And he raised the gate and I drove home.
But on the way home, I decided I wanted to make a copy of this silly record, because this isn't the first merry-go-round I've been on regarding this ONE shot since she got it at urgent care, it's like it was given in the black hole and I'm forever having to remind them that she got this one shot. Well NO MORE!
I stopped at Office Depot to make one copy of my one piece of paper. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, I had to slide my credit card in a slot on the copier to make one copy that cost 9 cents. And it took forever since this machine kept trying to tell me it was low on paper (like I care at this point!) and insisted that I press a dozen buttons in order to make my one copy. For 9 cents.
So I got my copy and made a run for it. What a day... and it was only 10:30am. So what does 90+9 equal? A big pain in the boo-TAY!
And that was just the little pesky piddly thing I needed to get out of the way before I moved on to the 'main event' type stuff I had to take care of. I finally got home from all of that stuff and ate my lunch around 2pm.
What a day!
About shot records. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?
I told her I got a notice from the school that she needed one of her boosters, but that I knew she got it one night in urgent care (in the same group with her regular pedi, by the way). So the nurse told me to call urgent care and ask for it.
So I called urgent care only to find out they are NOT owned by the same people as her regular pedi any longer. And when that happened, it seems like they shipped all of those records to the children's hospital for storage and started over with a clean slate. So I needed to call the hospital and see if they could dig it up.
I called the hospital and after pressing one and six and saying yes and all that stuff I got to talk to a real live lady. She told me that I would have to sign a release of records for her to send me the shot records. ok. Can you fax it or email it? yes. (great..we're getting somewhere and it looks like this isn't going to take all day) Then she said it costs 90 cents for each page of things they have to print out for me. I knew it was just one page. So 90 cents. ok. She said she could bill me. That sounded great too. But then she said she had to receive payment of the 90 cents before she could release the shot records to me and that if we did things through the mail, it could take ten days to two weeks to complete the request, transaction and retrieval of my one piece of paper that has a one shot record on it that costs 90 cents.
You gotta be kiddin' me!
But the school needs this by May 5.
So I decided I needed to go down there so I could pay the
I loved her answer. "The hospital".
Me: (thinking) No duh, lady... I called YOU! "So where at the hospital should I go?"
lady: Have you been here before?
Me: um yeah.
lady: the basement
Me: (surprised) OH! I've never been to the basement before. (probably the only floor I've never been to at the children's hospital... remember this is where Bub was treated. Just the smells bring it all back.) So do I get on the regular elevator in the lobby and take it to the basement?
lady: No. There is an elevator next to the marble stairs. Take THAT elevator down to the basement.
Me: Oh ok.. I didn't even remember there was an elevator there. (duh..feeling pretty stupid because I thought I had every inch of the public places at that hospital memorized... and yes I had walked near those elevators dozens of times and did not remember them. sigh!)
So I got there and found a parking place. I hate parking garages. Even ones I'm familiar with. But I didn't do this one correctly and I ended up in an unfamiliar section (spoken from the girl that parks in the same place at Walmart every time so I can find my car.. ahem!) and I sort of freaked out that I was not gonna be able to find the roof. My ace in the hole is finding the roof to the parking garage and parking there. I know the roof. So finally I found my way up. But not to the section I'm comfortable with..on the roof. But I figured that part out. And remembered where the door was to the staircase that leads down to the skybridge that takes me over the street to the hospital to the marble stairs and the forgotten elevator to the lady named Sheila that had helped me over the phone and was sort of ready for me. I filled out a release. And paid my 90 cents. And then I got my one piece of paper that says she has had this one shot.
And I left. And drove down the maze of the parking garage, told the guy in the toll booth what I was there for (medical records) and he told me I didn't need to pay since I wasn't a visitor. And he raised the gate and I drove home.
But on the way home, I decided I wanted to make a copy of this silly record, because this isn't the first merry-go-round I've been on regarding this ONE shot since she got it at urgent care, it's like it was given in the black hole and I'm forever having to remind them that she got this one shot. Well NO MORE!
I stopped at Office Depot to make one copy of my one piece of paper. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, I had to slide my credit card in a slot on the copier to make one copy that cost 9 cents. And it took forever since this machine kept trying to tell me it was low on paper (like I care at this point!) and insisted that I press a dozen buttons in order to make my one copy. For 9 cents.
So I got my copy and made a run for it. What a day... and it was only 10:30am. So what does 90+9 equal? A big pain in the boo-TAY!
And that was just the little pesky piddly thing I needed to get out of the way before I moved on to the 'main event' type stuff I had to take care of. I finally got home from all of that stuff and ate my lunch around 2pm.
What a day!
a mode change
Yesterday while I was cleaning up after dinner and there certainly isn't anything else to think about I was contemplating all the many things going on in my life right now. Difficult and stressful things. Things that will continue for some time in the future. And I came to realize something I didn't really want to admit.
I have been trying to spiritually coast through these problems. I've been dealing with a large sum of struggles that are interconnected as if they are just one little isolated crisis and when it passed and another came shortly after that one, it bit me on the butt spiritually every time.
If I keep coasting, I'm gonna end upin the funny farm having an even harder time than I've had already had. And more stressed out than I've been in a looooong time.
I realized last night that I need to change out of 'coasting mode' and into 'crisis mode' spiritually. In crisis mode, I spend more time with God because I need it. I lived in what I guess you could call a spiritual crisis mode the whole time Bub was sick. AndI handled God handled in me things that I couldn't even imagine in my worst nightmares. And in some ways, that's where I find myself today. Not necessarily of 'nightmare' proportions, but a time of crisis none the less. And I need more of Him when times are hard. I know that and yet I've been in denial that this is where things are and that this is God's way for me to deal with it.
But it is.
So there ya go... for once I could admit this need without a kind friend having to get in my face and tell me to get with the program. Aren't you glad?
I have been trying to spiritually coast through these problems. I've been dealing with a large sum of struggles that are interconnected as if they are just one little isolated crisis and when it passed and another came shortly after that one, it bit me on the butt spiritually every time.
If I keep coasting, I'm gonna end up
I realized last night that I need to change out of 'coasting mode' and into 'crisis mode' spiritually. In crisis mode, I spend more time with God because I need it. I lived in what I guess you could call a spiritual crisis mode the whole time Bub was sick. And
But it is.
So there ya go... for once I could admit this need without a kind friend having to get in my face and tell me to get with the program. Aren't you glad?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
blessed
Very often in today's society people talk about being blessed. It always intrigues me.
People say they are blessed because...
they have a great job.
Or a great spouse.
Or great kids.
Or a great house.
Or a great education.
Or a great amount of money in order to please themselves.
Or.....
But what does it all mean?
To use that measure for blessing, people would say I might not be blessed. I am a stay at home mom. Hardly glamorous. Hmmm kids? I got what everybody thinks is the American dream... a girl and a boy. And then the unthinkable happened. Now I have my girl. Am I less blessed* because I lost a child? We've never moved from the house we bought when we hadn't been married very long, even though we could if we wanted to. Do you see where I'm going with this?
I got frustrated when people talk about being 'blessed' and these material things are the the only things on their list. Lost man can say all of those things. What about the spirit? I know a person who has much less according to the world's standards, but has a very intimate, beautiful relationship with God. Who is more blessed?
And yet blessing doesn't always come in a nice, neat little package labeled 'blessing', does it?
Here is part of Matthew 5.
1When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up on the mountain; and after He sat down, His disciples came to Him.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, Ephesians 1:3. (italics mine)
Sometimes life's blessings come wrapped up in struggle, much like in the verses above. But look at what beautiful spiritual reward awaits those who's lives are touched by what we see as struggle.
**************
*I put a little star up in the post by a particular thought. Every time I hear someone say they are blessed because of the size of their family, that is my first thought. I feel very blessed to have been chosen to be the mother of my son. The son God chose to take. The experience was very rich in growth and beautiful because I saw God's hand in so many things. And He grew me in so many ways and I came away from the 'ordeal' sad and grieving yes, but also blessed for having come to know Him in such a wonderful way before and during the experience.
What spiritual blessing has come your way of late?
People say they are blessed because...
they have a great job.
Or a great spouse.
Or great kids.
Or a great house.
Or a great education.
Or a great amount of money in order to please themselves.
Or.....
But what does it all mean?
To use that measure for blessing, people would say I might not be blessed. I am a stay at home mom. Hardly glamorous. Hmmm kids? I got what everybody thinks is the American dream... a girl and a boy. And then the unthinkable happened. Now I have my girl. Am I less blessed* because I lost a child? We've never moved from the house we bought when we hadn't been married very long, even though we could if we wanted to. Do you see where I'm going with this?
I got frustrated when people talk about being 'blessed' and these material things are the the only things on their list. Lost man can say all of those things. What about the spirit? I know a person who has much less according to the world's standards, but has a very intimate, beautiful relationship with God. Who is more blessed?
And yet blessing doesn't always come in a nice, neat little package labeled 'blessing', does it?
Here is part of Matthew 5.
1When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up on the mountain; and after He sat down, His disciples came to Him.
2He opened His mouth and began to teach them, saying,
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5"Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
6"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
10"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.
12"Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
With every blessing in these verses, comes the real blessing. But this isn't really the way we want to receive blessing most of the time.Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, Ephesians 1:3. (italics mine)
Sometimes life's blessings come wrapped up in struggle, much like in the verses above. But look at what beautiful spiritual reward awaits those who's lives are touched by what we see as struggle.
**************
*I put a little star up in the post by a particular thought. Every time I hear someone say they are blessed because of the size of their family, that is my first thought. I feel very blessed to have been chosen to be the mother of my son. The son God chose to take. The experience was very rich in growth and beautiful because I saw God's hand in so many things. And He grew me in so many ways and I came away from the 'ordeal' sad and grieving yes, but also blessed for having come to know Him in such a wonderful way before and during the experience.
What spiritual blessing has come your way of late?
Saturday, April 18, 2009
a before and after
Yesterday I spent a big chunk of the day cleaning house. Normally that wouldn't be so thrilling, but life has had it's ups and downs lately. And having a day sort of all to myself and doing things like mopping and cleaning the blades on the ceiling fans that I have saved you from viewing since I didn't take any pics of them...think stalactites was truly wonderful. Oh the glamour. Are you jealous of my exciting life yet?
In raising a daughter, one of the little things I've found myself explaining, is the proper use of the trash can. Kind of like you don't leave your trash on your desk or your night stand or on the floor or where ever. You have a trash can. I think she's beginning to catch on. See?
In raising a daughter, one of the little things I've found myself explaining, is the proper use of the trash can. Kind of like you don't leave your trash on your desk or your night stand or on the floor or where ever. You have a trash can. I think she's beginning to catch on. See?
But there is one little problem with this pic of the trash can. This isn't a before shot. It's a shot of it after I've shaken it to death and nothing else will fall out. Um yeah. What is all of that, you ask? Well, it's just a various assortment of paper and Cheetos and various other bits of nothing stuck together with our little friend, chewing gum! Ick.
So I set out to clean out the trash can. And it wasn't fun either! When I got all the little bits and pieces out, I even soaked it in the sink for a while and gave it a good scrubbing. It was a long time coming. But not something I'm interested in repeating any time soon.
So this is what Miss Boo found in her room when she got home from school.
It's always ok when you end it with Love you, Mom and a little heart. Isn't it?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
a different take on tea parties
I can't really decide where today's post is 'going' or what I really want to say. I just have something on my mind and I feel like I need to get it out, if that makes any sense.
Anyhoo....
I've been inundated with emails of late regarding all these tea parties that have been going on. Now granted, I'm all for what these people are trying to achieve. But... and this is a big but here....
Is this what we really need to be about as Christians? I can't help but think that Jesus wasn't political.
And also, more importantly, what if someone were to turn away from God or decide they don't want to have anything to do with Him because of these political agendas. That makes me sad, because when it's all said and done, there will be no republican, or democrat... or even independent. Just His and not His. God is going to accomplish what He wants to do through the prayers of His people. God is the one responsible for changing hearts. Not necessarily activism.
I so often wish the energy the church pours into these political events could/would be poured into seeking His face and yearning to further His name and work to those who need Him. That is all.
Anyway..that's my two cents worth-for what it's worth. Less than a penny these days. See, I'm more 'on your side' than you think. : )
Carry on, folks! Like I said... I know this isn't an eloquent post by any stretch of the imagination, but this is just something that is bothering me. I fundamentally agree with the cause of these protests, just not the raising of this movement to almost equate it with some sort of spiritual fervor and the militancy Christians have attacked this with. And the potential harm to the kingdom of God because of it.
***comments closed on this post***
Anyhoo....
I've been inundated with emails of late regarding all these tea parties that have been going on. Now granted, I'm all for what these people are trying to achieve. But... and this is a big but here....
Is this what we really need to be about as Christians? I can't help but think that Jesus wasn't political.
And also, more importantly, what if someone were to turn away from God or decide they don't want to have anything to do with Him because of these political agendas. That makes me sad, because when it's all said and done, there will be no republican, or democrat... or even independent. Just His and not His. God is going to accomplish what He wants to do through the prayers of His people. God is the one responsible for changing hearts. Not necessarily activism.
I so often wish the energy the church pours into these political events could/would be poured into seeking His face and yearning to further His name and work to those who need Him. That is all.
Anyway..that's my two cents worth-for what it's worth. Less than a penny these days. See, I'm more 'on your side' than you think. : )
Carry on, folks! Like I said... I know this isn't an eloquent post by any stretch of the imagination, but this is just something that is bothering me. I fundamentally agree with the cause of these protests, just not the raising of this movement to almost equate it with some sort of spiritual fervor and the militancy Christians have attacked this with. And the potential harm to the kingdom of God because of it.
***comments closed on this post***
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
topsy turvy
Yeah.. I bought one! I saw it at Walmart and couldn't resist.
Does anybody know if these silly things work or not?
Are they a pain in the neck?
Does this make me a doofus... or too old lady for my own good?
Don't answer that!
But I like home grown tomatoes!
Are they a pain in the neck?
Does this make me a doofus... or too old lady for my own good?
Don't answer that!
But I like home grown tomatoes!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
it's a mix
We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend. Boo was off for her Easter break, so Friday she and I had a girls day out kinda thing. I took her to see the Hannah Montana Movie. Which we loved! Is it ok for an old lady like me to like a movie for teenagers?? I hope so. It was cute and sweet and well done.
And it was also a complete pleasure just to shut real life out for a little bit too. : )
We found out over the weekend that a girl from my daughter's former school was killed in an auto accident. Boo didn't know this girl, other than recognizing her name. We looked her up in the yearbook so we could both recall her correctly, for sure.
So sad. It shook my daughter up some just because kids aren't supposed to die. Like I need any help with that lesson! But still it's hard for kids to take these things in.
Overall 'things' are still pretty stressful... but I'm doing ok.
Life is just a mix right now.
And it was also a complete pleasure just to shut real life out for a little bit too. : )
We found out over the weekend that a girl from my daughter's former school was killed in an auto accident. Boo didn't know this girl, other than recognizing her name. We looked her up in the yearbook so we could both recall her correctly, for sure.
So sad. It shook my daughter up some just because kids aren't supposed to die. Like I need any help with that lesson! But still it's hard for kids to take these things in.
Overall 'things' are still pretty stressful... but I'm doing ok.
Life is just a mix right now.
Monday, April 13, 2009
she didn't 'stick' the landing
Oh my goodness! Those were the first words out of my mouth Saturday morning as I walked past Boo's bathroom and saw THIS!
The cat does this weird thing where she kinda puts one paw on the edge of the box and another more 'in' the litter to umm...do her thing. And then when she's done, she kinda does this Olympic style bunny hop/dismount 'off', shakes her back paws and then darts out of the bathroomlike her tail is on fire. Something went wrong.
Terribly terribly wrong.
The judges are gonna have to count off for that!
I talked to Boo about putting the rug back on the side of the tub when she's done taking a shower. She said she understands why she should do that. Now.
Did you notice the roll of tp on the floor? Another post for another day, my friends.
The cat does this weird thing where she kinda puts one paw on the edge of the box and another more 'in' the litter to umm...do her thing. And then when she's done, she kinda does this Olympic style bunny hop/dismount 'off', shakes her back paws and then darts out of the bathroom
Terribly terribly wrong.
The judges are gonna have to count off for that!
I talked to Boo about putting the rug back on the side of the tub when she's done taking a shower. She said she understands why she should do that. Now.
Did you notice the roll of tp on the floor? Another post for another day, my friends.
Friday, April 10, 2009
life giving blood
Earlier in the day as I was contemplating Easter and all Jesus did for us, He reminded me of my own words. So I hunted through some old emails and found them. I wrote this on February 24, 2001. In other words, we were a little over a month into Bub's treatments.
We are all doing well again. Friday Bub went for his clinic visit for counts. The girls took one look at him and reached for the cream to get his port ready.. he was white as a sheet. (I think "it's Casper!" was their comment. LOL) Even before his official counts came back, we all knew that Bub would be receiving blood Friday. He was very very white. We did counts, saw the dr, waited for the results, got cream, got matched etc, they sent for the blood, they gave him some medicine before giving the blood, accessed his port, and finally gave him the blood. Receiving blood takes about 3 to 4 hours but the whole procedure takes about 6 hours. We were at the clinic from 8:30 to 2:40. He and I were both sooo tired.
It was strange watching him receive the blood. No one in our family has ever had to receive 'blood products' before. I watched him go from white to pink over the course of the whole day.. and also watched his mood improve! (the nurses explained that low counts can result in a grouchy kid--they weren't kidding--LOL) It was amazing! I am seeing what the blood center means when they talk about giving the gift of life! Wow! It's neat the things God has shown me about the blood since then. How we take for granted blood until we need it. It can't be manufactured.. it must come from living donors. Blood is life! Jesus gave His blood so freely for us and we take it so for granted, and it is Life Giving. : ) How beautiful and precious... how humbling.
I think that about says it all.
We are all doing well again. Friday Bub went for his clinic visit for counts. The girls took one look at him and reached for the cream to get his port ready.. he was white as a sheet. (I think "it's Casper!" was their comment. LOL) Even before his official counts came back, we all knew that Bub would be receiving blood Friday. He was very very white. We did counts, saw the dr, waited for the results, got cream, got matched etc, they sent for the blood, they gave him some medicine before giving the blood, accessed his port, and finally gave him the blood. Receiving blood takes about 3 to 4 hours but the whole procedure takes about 6 hours. We were at the clinic from 8:30 to 2:40. He and I were both sooo tired.
It was strange watching him receive the blood. No one in our family has ever had to receive 'blood products' before. I watched him go from white to pink over the course of the whole day.. and also watched his mood improve! (the nurses explained that low counts can result in a grouchy kid--they weren't kidding--LOL) It was amazing! I am seeing what the blood center means when they talk about giving the gift of life! Wow! It's neat the things God has shown me about the blood since then. How we take for granted blood until we need it. It can't be manufactured.. it must come from living donors. Blood is life! Jesus gave His blood so freely for us and we take it so for granted, and it is Life Giving. : ) How beautiful and precious... how humbling.
I think that about says it all.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
frozen toes and walmart
Today has been crazy. Good crazy after all the stressful things that have gone on this week. Boo only had a half day of school today and she's out tomorrow for an Easter break. But it wasn't exactly a thrilling day. She's been complaining of one of her toes hurting. I finally looked at it after just trying to tell her she had a kink in it or that she was being overly dramatic and discovered she had an oddball looking little warty thing on her toe. I felt sorta bad that I didn't realize something else was going on a little sooner.
Mom of the year!
So I took her to the pedi today and she doesn't have just one little warty thing. But two. Same spot on both feet. Great.Make that Mom of the year trophy a little bigger please! So we discussed various way of handling it and what to do etc. Would we just medicate or freeze them or what? We decided to try and freeze the tinier one and medicate the larger one. Freezing it hurts. But it jump starts things little bit so we don't have to do a big routine on two toes. Just one. That sounded great to me. So we decided to freeze the one toe. Did I mention that it hurts a little bit? Somebody polish the brass and engrave my name bigger on the trophy please!
So we froze her toe. Big fun. It's weird because it crackles after she does it, kind of like ice melting in a glass of water. You're welcome! For the record, I'm feeling a little bit bad about the freezing now that it's over. That toe is pretty sore. So much for being mom of the year.
So I bandaged and cleaned and medicated and covered etc and we're good to go until morning. When I have to undo all of that and get it ready for the day. And we'll do that for..oh.. about the next hundred years. And then probably end up seeing the podiatrist anyway.
One of the advantages to this whole toe fiasco was having to made a supply run after her doctor's appointment. I thought we'd try Walmart instead of Walgreens because I can find the pharmacy items much easier at Walmart. Strange, isn't it? The place with pharmacy at the end of it's name is a great place for greeting cards or teddy bears or coffee mugs or Snuggie's... but the drugs are hard to find. That little rant was thrown in just for freebies!
So anyway, we went to Walmart. And we didn't just look at bandaids. I've been having fits trying to find her some cute little tshirts that don't break the bank. Honestly, when I checked out some 'high dollar' juniors stores the other day, most of what was on the rack looked more beat up than what I can buy for $2.50 at Goodwill. So when I found a few cute little tops, I felt pretty good. And she was with me, so we could make a quick run to the dressing room so I wouldn't be making yet another run for returns. I've done nothing but buy and return this whole week. Not a favorite hobby of mine, lemme tell ya!
This one is cute! I found this one for her last week at Walmart.
Mom of the year!
So I took her to the pedi today and she doesn't have just one little warty thing. But two. Same spot on both feet. Great.
So we froze her toe. Big fun. It's weird because it crackles after she does it, kind of like ice melting in a glass of water. You're welcome! For the record, I'm feeling a little bit bad about the freezing now that it's over. That toe is pretty sore. So much for being mom of the year.
So I bandaged and cleaned and medicated and covered etc and we're good to go until morning. When I have to undo all of that and get it ready for the day. And we'll do that for..oh.. about the next hundred years. And then probably end up seeing the podiatrist anyway.
One of the advantages to this whole toe fiasco was having to made a supply run after her doctor's appointment. I thought we'd try Walmart instead of Walgreens because I can find the pharmacy items much easier at Walmart. Strange, isn't it? The place with pharmacy at the end of it's name is a great place for greeting cards or teddy bears or coffee mugs or Snuggie's... but the drugs are hard to find. That little rant was thrown in just for freebies!
So anyway, we went to Walmart. And we didn't just look at bandaids. I've been having fits trying to find her some cute little tshirts that don't break the bank. Honestly, when I checked out some 'high dollar' juniors stores the other day, most of what was on the rack looked more beat up than what I can buy for $2.50 at Goodwill. So when I found a few cute little tops, I felt pretty good. And she was with me, so we could make a quick run to the dressing room so I wouldn't be making yet another run for returns. I've done nothing but buy and return this whole week. Not a favorite hobby of mine, lemme tell ya!
This one is cute! I found this one for her last week at Walmart.
That's why she's wearing it already! But isn't it cute?!
Love Chip 'n Dale!
And these two are cute. One has Mickey Mouse cartoons drawn on it
and the other is a cute little sleeveless top with ruffly
And these two are cute too. Bubble gum is a constant for her.
And the Tinkerbell shirt made us laugh..even though
in my opinion it's pushing the limit as far as sass!
And the pink one is about Sweet Tarts. We looove those!
And the Snoopy tshirt came from Kohls! I have a love/hate relationship with
Kohls and tend to avoid it. It feels like shopping at Marshalls...or is it Ross? Very
messy and disorganized. But sometimes you uncover something
cute! : )
she's a junior now, part 2
As a follow up to yesterday's post about teen clothing, I have a few more rants and raves observations.
Sometimes I wonder why they think every girl is on the cheer leading squad. I've seen so many cheer shirts. Do the math... a very small percentage of girls make the squad. Do all those other girls want to wear cheer shirts? Really?
And then if they don't say something about cheer on them, they have a rock band looking graphic on them. The other day I saw this shirt and I was thinking 'oh this one is kinda cute, it's got pink on it' and then I stopped and thought 'wait a minute...those are skulls!'. Yes, pink skulls! Um...ick, people!
And I don't want her shirt to say something crude either. Too hot to handle. Kiss this! I'm not listening. I'm a diva. Whatever. It's all about me. No wonder kids think they run the world and it should revolve around them. Head's up, girlfriend, it doesn't!
And then there is the thing with the low rider jeans. I would like there to be less space from the top of the pants to her belly button than what is currently available. We try on clothes and I wonder how they're gonna stay on. They don't even hit anywhere natural or normal. I'm not a prude... at least I don't think I'm a prude! I love my jeans and capris that hit below the belly button. But a tad below the belly button. A tad is not inches!
I must say that I have seen some cute stuff. But you do have to hunt for it. Those slender tshirts can be cute. And since my daughter is the size of a twig, they actually fit her without being overly tight...sometimes. I have no idea what moms do for shirts if their daughter has a little meat on her bones. The shirts often look like they're spray painted on. ugh.
Hello... Lands End??
Sometimes I wonder why they think every girl is on the cheer leading squad. I've seen so many cheer shirts. Do the math... a very small percentage of girls make the squad. Do all those other girls want to wear cheer shirts? Really?
And then if they don't say something about cheer on them, they have a rock band looking graphic on them. The other day I saw this shirt and I was thinking 'oh this one is kinda cute, it's got pink on it' and then I stopped and thought 'wait a minute...those are skulls!'. Yes, pink skulls! Um...ick, people!
And I don't want her shirt to say something crude either. Too hot to handle. Kiss this! I'm not listening. I'm a diva. Whatever. It's all about me. No wonder kids think they run the world and it should revolve around them. Head's up, girlfriend, it doesn't!
And then there is the thing with the low rider jeans. I would like there to be less space from the top of the pants to her belly button than what is currently available. We try on clothes and I wonder how they're gonna stay on. They don't even hit anywhere natural or normal. I'm not a prude... at least I don't think I'm a prude! I love my jeans and capris that hit below the belly button. But a tad below the belly button. A tad is not inches!
I must say that I have seen some cute stuff. But you do have to hunt for it. Those slender tshirts can be cute. And since my daughter is the size of a twig, they actually fit her without being overly tight...sometimes. I have no idea what moms do for shirts if their daughter has a little meat on her bones. The shirts often look like they're spray painted on. ugh.
Hello... Lands End??
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
she's a junior now
I feel like I need lessons in dressing my kid! I used to feel like I had things down. Cute top and a pair of pants or shorts. Got it! Easy Peezy.
Enter the juniors department.
She's been begging me to take her to some of 'those' stores. You know the ones. Those flashy, noisy, very mall-like, super trendy stores. *sigh* So yesterday I did what any reasonable mom would do and pre-scoped them out without her. She's been begging for tank tops for summer, so I bought her some tanks at Penneys and Justice and came home, hoping for the best. Well....
So today I took back the clothes that didn't fit. By the way, Limited Too just because Justice. And their clothes are adorable and she can still wear their biggest size...even though their prices are high (to me). But their tank tops show her bra. What is up with that?
Everywhere I go lately, I keep asking myself the same questions as I look at the clothes....
How exactly do you wear that?
Do you have to wear a top under it?
Why do you have to wear a top under everything?
Why is this top so low cut?
Just exactly what is that?
I think I'm a reasonably level headed person and in the past, I've had no problems with the shirt and bottoms routine. But now? *sigh*
help.
Enter the juniors department.
She's been begging me to take her to some of 'those' stores. You know the ones. Those flashy, noisy, very mall-like, super trendy stores. *sigh* So yesterday I did what any reasonable mom would do and pre-scoped them out without her. She's been begging for tank tops for summer, so I bought her some tanks at Penneys and Justice and came home, hoping for the best. Well....
So today I took back the clothes that didn't fit. By the way, Limited Too just because Justice. And their clothes are adorable and she can still wear their biggest size...even though their prices are high (to me). But their tank tops show her bra. What is up with that?
Everywhere I go lately, I keep asking myself the same questions as I look at the clothes....
How exactly do you wear that?
Do you have to wear a top under it?
Why do you have to wear a top under everything?
Why is this top so low cut?
Just exactly what is that?
I think I'm a reasonably level headed person and in the past, I've had no problems with the shirt and bottoms routine. But now? *sigh*
help.
seek first
Right when I woke up this morning, my mind started racing. What if.....? What about....? And then what.....? It went on and on. And this was before I was fully awake!
But then God spoke this to me....
...reminding me of what He wants my focus to be on today...not just 'first thing', but ALL DAY! I know He knows about what's going on around me and aware of what feels like monumental circumstances right now. Even still....seek first!
But then God spoke this to me....
...reminding me of what He wants my focus to be on today...not just 'first thing', but ALL DAY! I know He knows about what's going on around me and aware of what feels like monumental circumstances right now. Even still....seek first!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
things
There are some things going on this week. Hard things. Complicated things. Exasperating things. Tiring things. Frustrating things. Things that make me want to wave the white flag and give up. But things I can't really chit chat about here. So forgive me if I'm not my usual self...whoever that is... but life just feels real hard now.
If you need me, I'll either be a basketcase or on my knees... or both! : )
If you need me, I'll either be a basketcase or on my knees... or both! : )
Sunday, April 5, 2009
always four
And then there was today. I talked to a friend at church that I've known since before Bub got sick. She was remembering that these are special days for us. Strangely we were chatting as some little kids were scurrying by. Including a little boy or two. I just kinda smiled at her and out of nowhere said he's always four to me.
And that's so true. And at the same time, so odd.
He never ages in my mind. Oh I can do the math and figure out how old he would be... a tween right now. But in my mind's eye, he's always four. Sometimes I see little boys that have a particular quality of Bub. That happened at Disney at a bus stop and the first night at the fireworks. And it's happened other times too. And it pricks my heart. Sometimes it brings a smile. Other times tears.
But no matter what, he's always four.
---------------------------
On a side note, today was a good day. Boo was gone all day at a church function. We chatted about Bub a little bit, but that was all. I thought about asking if he wanted to go to the cemetery, but it's chilly and very windy and I hate going when it's like that. So we just spent the day quietly at home. And that's ok.
And that's so true. And at the same time, so odd.
He never ages in my mind. Oh I can do the math and figure out how old he would be... a tween right now. But in my mind's eye, he's always four. Sometimes I see little boys that have a particular quality of Bub. That happened at Disney at a bus stop and the first night at the fireworks. And it's happened other times too. And it pricks my heart. Sometimes it brings a smile. Other times tears.
But no matter what, he's always four.
---------------------------
On a side note, today was a good day. Boo was gone all day at a church function. We chatted about Bub a little bit, but that was all. I thought about asking if he wanted to go to the cemetery, but it's chilly and very windy and I hate going when it's like that. So we just spent the day quietly at home. And that's ok.
Friday, April 3, 2009
a beanie story
When Boo was a toddler, she got her first Beanie Baby. And then she got a few more. Before long we had a whole bundle of them. But of course, a few favorites floated to the top of the heap. And they were the 'go to' buddies when she needed a cuddle. She also carried at least one Beanie under her armpit while at home for about three years. Anyhoo...
She got these two beanies. Kitties, of course. One's name was Amber. And the other one was Pounce. These were their given names on the tags, and she decided those were their names. So things went merrily along with Amber and Pounce. Until one day...
Pounce came up missing! We tore the house up. But she was gone. Boo was coping pretty well with it, even though it was a fave. I thought we had skated by on the whole Pounce thing. And then one day I went in her room and she had Amber and she was pointing Amber's little kitty paw at it's chest and telling me that Amber misses Pounce in her heart.
Well that did it. I just couldn't take it anymore. She was crushed that her buddy was gone. And I felt a little sorry for her. So I called an antique store around the corner from me and asked them if they had a Pounce. They did! I told the hubby to pick it up on the way home. So we replaced Pounce and I don't think she ever realized it was a new Pounce. Until one day...
We were in her room playing and I was sitting on the floor and I was sort of leaning back and had my hands stretched out behind me and I felt something. My fingers couldn't believe it. I had found Pounce! The first one! The real one! So then I had a problem. What to do with one of these Beanies.
I talked to her about it, and she offered to give the new Pounce to Bub. At the time he didn't have very many Beanies since he struggled with asthma some earlier in his life. He couldn't have a lot of fuzzies. So it was decided. We gave Pounce to Bub. He was thrilled. And quickly named him/her Kitty. (clever, I know!) Not long after that, he got another Beanie and he named that one Meow Meow (clever, I know!).
Even though he had many many Beanies in his life, Kitty and Meow Meow were his constant buddies through everything. Every nap, his third birthday. The church nursery. And then he got sick. And they were there for every test, every poke, surgeries, radiation, clinic visits...you name it and I've got a picture of him with them tucked under his arm pit or sitting loyally beside him.
And they were his buddies to the end. After we lost him, we went into his room and gathered up his Beanies. Kitty and Meow Meow were on his chest. Now they reside in the china cabinet.
She got these two beanies. Kitties, of course. One's name was Amber. And the other one was Pounce. These were their given names on the tags, and she decided those were their names. So things went merrily along with Amber and Pounce. Until one day...
Pounce came up missing! We tore the house up. But she was gone. Boo was coping pretty well with it, even though it was a fave. I thought we had skated by on the whole Pounce thing. And then one day I went in her room and she had Amber and she was pointing Amber's little kitty paw at it's chest and telling me that Amber misses Pounce in her heart.
Well that did it. I just couldn't take it anymore. She was crushed that her buddy was gone. And I felt a little sorry for her. So I called an antique store around the corner from me and asked them if they had a Pounce. They did! I told the hubby to pick it up on the way home. So we replaced Pounce and I don't think she ever realized it was a new Pounce. Until one day...
We were in her room playing and I was sitting on the floor and I was sort of leaning back and had my hands stretched out behind me and I felt something. My fingers couldn't believe it. I had found Pounce! The first one! The real one! So then I had a problem. What to do with one of these Beanies.
I talked to her about it, and she offered to give the new Pounce to Bub. At the time he didn't have very many Beanies since he struggled with asthma some earlier in his life. He couldn't have a lot of fuzzies. So it was decided. We gave Pounce to Bub. He was thrilled. And quickly named him/her Kitty. (clever, I know!) Not long after that, he got another Beanie and he named that one Meow Meow (clever, I know!).
Even though he had many many Beanies in his life, Kitty and Meow Meow were his constant buddies through everything. Every nap, his third birthday. The church nursery. And then he got sick. And they were there for every test, every poke, surgeries, radiation, clinic visits...you name it and I've got a picture of him with them tucked under his arm pit or sitting loyally beside him.
And they were his buddies to the end. After we lost him, we went into his room and gathered up his Beanies. Kitty and Meow Meow were on his chest. Now they reside in the china cabinet.
Meow Meow on the left.
and Kitty on the right.
Notice the bandaid on Meow Meow's little wrist. That was put on by a sweet clinic nurse.
seven
A lot of things have been going on this week.
And along side that has been the knowing that an anniversary is coming up. On Sunday. An unhappy one. One that says our boy has been gone for seven years. Not six years like last year. Seven.
Last year when I had just started to blog and didn't have a single reader, I recorded my thoughts as these days ticked by.
You can read what I had to say here and here and here. (I might have gotten the last two out of order. Ooops!)
I decided to repost links from last year simply because they fill in some details that you might not have hunted to find. : )
And to me they're beautiful. I know that sounds weird, but God's hand was so evident in Bub's last days and I knew last year I wanted to get some of that down 'on paper'.
Hugs and peace to you, my friends!
And along side that has been the knowing that an anniversary is coming up. On Sunday. An unhappy one. One that says our boy has been gone for seven years. Not six years like last year. Seven.
Last year when I had just started to blog and didn't have a single reader, I recorded my thoughts as these days ticked by.
You can read what I had to say here and here and here. (I might have gotten the last two out of order. Ooops!)
I decided to repost links from last year simply because they fill in some details that you might not have hunted to find. : )
And to me they're beautiful. I know that sounds weird, but God's hand was so evident in Bub's last days and I knew last year I wanted to get some of that down 'on paper'.
Hugs and peace to you, my friends!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)