why? *edited*

So many things have been going on lately. Stressful things. Things I can't really blog about, but anyhoo.... a very big issue that's been going on, undid itself yesterday, letting me take a huge exhale and hopefully put this one little problem 'to bed' as they say. Not to say that everything is peachy and everything is 'over'... far from it. But this one detail that was up in the air for weeks, isn't any longer. And I'm so glad.

But... right when this thing happened (and again I hate to be vague, but sometimes it's just best, ya know) ...anyway, when this thing happened that put some things up in the air, I struggled and was angry and confused and didn't know where to turn next and was just generally exhausted from the stress and anxiety of everything. And then fiiiinally I prayed. I know. My bad. Why do we think we've got to handle everything? When God wants us to cast all our cares on Him, because He cares for us? I will never know why. But still, I do it.

And something happened when I prayed. I got a response. Getting the response itself wasn't really the interesting part... but the response was. And yet from where I was sitting, I could not see how in the world we were gonna get from Point A to Point B... especially from where I was sitting at Point A. It seemed impossible. And that led to more distress. Again, trying to handle everything and caving in under the stress of it all. And why???

I have struggled a lot this past few weeks. I would remember Point B as it had been laid out before me by God... and look at where we seemed to be....still hovering around in A Land and it just tore me apart. And the clock kept ticking and nothing was happening.

Yesterday the phone rang. Point B! It just landed in my lap. Big exhale. And yet, as I hung up the phone I realized I could have exhaled several weeks ago. But why??? Because of me. My flesh nature that reasons and thinks about things and tries to figure things out and worries and and and...!

We were never meant for that. I know that. And God knows that. And sometimes He gives me a refresher on it. Again. : )

*Edited* Some days the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. *sigh*