the questions, part two

Let's see.... where was I. It's hard for me to write all of this down. For one thing, it's been a while and my memory's not what it used to be. haha. But then also, there was a lot to this. I can tell my story over and over and it not sound the same, but have elements of how God worked. So yeah.. its kinda tricky trying to put it all down in some sort of 'order'. I hope I don't leave anything out. Yesterday it felt so ummm... intimidating trying to write all of this down, since I've never done that. And I didn't have a clue what I was going to say today until late last night. He began to reveal to me more and more what He wanted to say and bringing things to mind.

One of the things God had me to do was erase every preconceived idea I had about Him. To pretty much scrap "my faith" and start all over. That way, I wasn't hanging on to ideas I'd picked up from reading books or some pastor along the way. But truly letting God reveal Himself to me. That was hard. I had many preconceived ideas about God that I was unaware of until then.

I also let go of everything I thought I knew about the Bible. After all... if you're gonna chunk what you think you know about God, but then hold on to stuff you think you understand about the Bible, it's not going to get you very far. I had to come to the Word like I had never seen it before... and in many ways I hadn't... and let God reveal Himself and His Word to me.

Basically, I was starting from scratch.

It's hard letting go of what you've learned. And I had learned a lot. I was always learning. But... God began to open my eyes to the fact that I was "always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." 2 Timothy 3:7 This was very hard and uncomfortable as it took me out of my comfort zone. I felt like I was being exposed. It was a very scary time for me. I realized I had nothing.

I began to seek God in earnest. I had always has my "quiet time" at night, when I had one, that is! When I was exhausted. And after I had trudged through the day without Him. God began to work in me that I needed to start my day with Him. To say I was less that enthusiastic about that was an understatement. I hated the idea and I was pretty angry about it.

But I did it.

A verse God brought to me later on, but illustrates the point of what God was wanting to show me is "In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice. In the morning I will order my prayer to you and eagerly watch." Psalm 5:3. When I started my day with God, there was an expectancy and a knowing that He was at work and that I needed to seek Him throughout the day that just reading a little and sending up a prayer before I crashed at night could not provide me.

And in the middle of letting go of what I thought I knew about things and seeking Him for the first time, came lots of questions.