the questions, part five

I could just as easily title this post 'the lady at Walmart' because I had quite an adventure yesterday. And yes, Walmart does have something to do with what I've been discussing in this here 'questions series'. At least it does today. And yes, I'm hoping to get to my point soon. I guess I've been working my way to it sloooowly. Anyhoo...

I went to buy my groceries at Walmart yesterday. This lady walked right up to me and told me she was new in town and needed to ask me a question. I was expecting something along the lines of 'where are the canned tomatoes?'. But nope! She launched into a full scale 'if you were to die today, why should God let you into His heaven' assault! I guess I was really expecting the tomato question. Because I just stood there a minute. This is usually the kind of thing you read about...but it never actually happens to you. I'd never had anybody jump in my face like that. And frankly it was weird. She was zealous, but I could feel it that she didn't know what she was doing. Looking at a card to ask me one question was my first hint. I felt sorry for her. I told her "because I know Him and I'm His". I hoped that would cause her to ponder what she was asking. But nope. I had given her the wrong answer. What she wanted was "I've said the sinner's prayer." (I kept wondering just how many unchurched people even know what the heck 'the sinners prayer is'... ummm none probably!) Because she asked me if I'd said it more than once during this whole thing and I began to feel like she was trying to nail me against the wall. I finally said 'yes yes yes!' to answer her question. I walked away very frustrated and angry at myself. I should of been able to give her an answer for the hope that I have. And in a way, I did. But not to her liking.

You see, this is the very thing I've been leading up to. Knowing! Really knowing. In the Bible, knowing is a personal, intimate thing. When one knew another, in some cases, a baby came. That's pretty personal and intimate. God wants to be close to us. He doesn't want us to just be running around Walmart being zealous. But to really know Him. And that is what I began to do. To answer her question truthfully... no I didn't really say 'the sinners prayer' in the way she thinks it. But I did begin to know the Father. I began to listen for Him and confess my sin/sins and my need for Him and express my desire for Him etc. In effect... a sinner's prayer. But more lengthy and detailed and over the course of time and I began to KNOW Him. I began to pray and read His word very regularly!

And He began to reveal Himself to me in a real and powerful way. I began to hear His voice. The voice I thought must not be real. Well.. it is real. He wanted to talk to me! How thrilling! The first thing I heard Him say was "I love you" and even thinking that now makes me smile. I needed to hear Him tell me that. That I... the individual I.. was indeed loved by the Creator of the universe. Personally. I continue to hear Him as well. It was not a one time revelation. He continues to speak.. He is always speaking, as someone I know says. I know things are not right between He and I when I can't hear Him. I've gone somewhere else and need to return to Him. Fellowship is broken and I'm not hearing and knowing Him in that moment. And I need to fix it. So I do.

About the verses I struggled with in other posts and the way I dealt with what they say. Well, they're real, too. And they are saying something real. We spend too much time trying to deconstruct what God's trying to say and missing the truth along the way. Hanging on to one verse that we think says it all when often we don't know what He really says about things because we haven't searched and don't see other verses that tell a broader story of salvation. Or maybe a narrower story would be a better word for it. God began to open my eyes to so much in His word and about who He is and He continues to do so.

A book God used in me and continues to use is in my sidebar. An Exciting New Life by Andrew Murray. It's a wonderful, beautiful book that simply and eloquently lays out the new life and takes the reader into almost every book of the Bible in the process. Even though it was written many years ago, it's message is timeless. In thinking about these posts, I dragged out my old tattered copy and it took me back to the time He first revealed Himself. It was precious and it still is today.

There are so many other things to say... but there's always another post! : )