a mode change

Yesterday while I was cleaning up after dinner and there certainly isn't anything else to think about I was contemplating all the many things going on in my life right now. Difficult and stressful things. Things that will continue for some time in the future. And I came to realize something I didn't really want to admit.

I have been trying to spiritually coast through these problems. I've been dealing with a large sum of struggles that are interconnected as if they are just one little isolated crisis and when it passed and another came shortly after that one, it bit me on the butt spiritually every time.

If I keep coasting, I'm gonna end up in the funny farm having an even harder time than I've had already had. And more stressed out than I've been in a looooong time.

I realized last night that I need to change out of 'coasting mode' and into 'crisis mode' spiritually. In crisis mode, I spend more time with God because I need it. I lived in what I guess you could call a spiritual crisis mode the whole time Bub was sick. And I handled God handled in me things that I couldn't even imagine in my worst nightmares. And in some ways, that's where I find myself today. Not necessarily of 'nightmare' proportions, but a time of crisis none the less. And I need more of Him when times are hard. I know that and yet I've been in denial that this is where things are and that this is God's way for me to deal with it.

But it is.

So there ya go... for once I could admit this need without a kind friend having to get in my face and tell me to get with the program. Aren't you glad?