a night and day difference

Yesterday I went to a new doctor. He’s not mainstream.

I have pretty much decided that I had find something else. My husband and I were not crazy about my onc. I couldn’t stand her or her office. Every time I went in, I left angry and depressed.

The office really felt like death to me.

And she really didn’t treat me like much more than something else to fill in on a chart or graph. To say she wasn’t very personable is putting it mildly.

I was just struggling with what to do.

And then I began reading about what I’ve got…and alternatives. Alternatives that aren’t toxic to me or to my uterus or my liver or anything else. There is so much controversy surrounding tamoxifen right now…and the thought of taking it scared me just as much as the thought of having breast cancer. So I was left in quite a quandary. I had also been reading a lot about diet and one of the big things I have seen everywhere is that sugar feeds it (and more accurately spoken insulin levels…but simple sugars send insulin soaring..so split the hair any way you like). And yet at my onc, they had a bowl of hard candies on the check in desk on the day of my first visit, and then on my second, a nice huge spread of holiday sweets because Christmas was just around the corner. I was livid. Why don’t they just put out poison? It’s quicker and at least the patients would know what they are getting themselves into when they eat it.

So I was struggling with what to do next. I had been reading a book by Suzanne Somers and many of the things rang true for me. So I began researching the names of doctors in the back of the book. And found one in the general area we live in, but still far away. They also have a clinic in LA. When I spoke to the lady in LA, she said that the clinic near me is booked a year out. A year! And then she told me about a doctor they refer to…that is about ten miles from my house. (!!!) Give or take a mile. So he is the one I saw yesterday. An integrative doctor. I have never ventured far outside the mainstream so this is a switch for me. In the process of actually listening to me and discussing my problem and viable solutions, he told me that he knows of one onc that they ‘work with’ that is open to using the west and the east to keep my disease at bay.

It was the first time I have felt any sense of caring or well being from the medical community since I visited my onc for the first time.

I visit him next week. He works in a conventional practice..another location owned by the same practice I previously visited (and hated). But even though he works in a conventional practice he is older and hopefully wiser and can help me find a treatment plan..whether it be something other than the tam…or the tam and other things to support my immune function. But for the first time, I feel better about my options and my future.

Please pray for me and my appointment next week. I am nervous and want it to go well. Also it’s in timbuktoo compared to where I live. Probably an hour drive away..and I’m pretty nervous about that too.

Happy New Year…and all that jazz. : )

Happy new year..and Merry Christmas, for that matter. : )

I got an email from somebody today asking how I was doing and if I’ve blogged, and I just thought I’d update on the ole blog…even though I will send her an email anyway. *smile*

We had a great holiday. We decided to ‘do’ Christmas…the presents etc…the Monday before Christmas. I know that’s kinda early, but it worked for us. And for the girl. She was done with school and it gave her plenty of time to chill and fiddle with her new gadget, an iPod Touch, before it was time to hurry up and hit the books again. (we started again over last weekend…a little earlier than her public school buddies..but it worked for us)

We went to look at lights one night. And visited a local hotel that really does the holiday up big. Ended up not feeling as big this year as in years past, so I didn’t take a single picture. *sad face* But it was nice to get out and we still had a fun day.

At the beginning of December, I didn’t even feel like fluffing the Christmas tree, so we didn’t do one. We did decorate the mantle with garland and a wreath, though. : ) But now, I am feeling a lot more like myself. I have started walking and have been enjoying doing some little jobs around the house that slipped when I had my surgeries.

The girl caught a viral sinus type bug around Christmas time from going to the pediatrician for pink eye. And then ended up giving the cold-like deal to me. It is lingering a little bit for both of us, but I was able to put the humidifier away today. 

Last night I slept in our bed, only to realize by morning that I was really missing my recliner. So it will be back to the chair for me when bedtime rolls around this evening. My body just isn’t ready to lay flat yet.

But…something my body *is* ready for…I got fitted for a bra and prosthetics today. It was actually fun. I know that sounds weird. But I went to a very cute shop in one of the hospitals in the big city near here. And the ladies there are amazing. She made me feel right at ease with the whole process. I didn’t know if I would be in a light hearted mood, or end up in tears. And thankfully it was just a really fun experience. And because of the nature of the whole thing, kind of funny at times. I did my best not to let the “this is awkward” feelings creep in, because it is what it is. And she is there to help me and there isn’t any reason for me to feel weird.

I ended up with some cute little boobs. They had one bra that fit me in white…along with my B girls. But I really prefer beige colored bras, so they were going to order them for me. And believe it or not, the bras were only $30! Bras cost more than that just about everywhere, so to me, $30 felt like a steal. I walked out with two bras on order. But as I was driving home, it hit me that I really need three bras…it’s hard to keep two bras clean, especially when it gets hot. And if I had two beige ones, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to have one white one. So I might call them tomorrow and see if they’ve still got the white one and go back and get it and ‘them’. I didn’t know how it would feel to wear ‘them’, but it didn’t feel that weird at all. Once I had on a bra that fit correctly, it all felt very natural. Weird, isn’t it?! They also come each in their own box, and after washing them at night, I’m supposed to put them back in their contoured form inside the box.

My two cake boxes for my two foobs. Ha!

stitch-free

I got my stitches out late yesterday…so I am stitch free. And tonight I can take a tub bath instead of a shower. I am so excited. : )

I read over yesterday’s post and my writing sounds like my 4th grade self. Pretty scattered…sentence structure could use some help. Hmm..is this the way I really talk when I’m not editing myself for the blog? Or am I just a little bit scatter brained these days? Don’t answer that.

I was so happy to be rid of my stitches yesterday. And I know I’ve said it before but I love love LOVE my plastic surgeon. She’s a sweetie. She got rid of my stitches…those were weird by the way..wire’y and pokey and all sorts of ‘y’s…and none of them good…except for healy. That they did. And she took some of the glue off from my first surgery and picked at things cleaned things up a little bit more. Before I know it, I will just have light pink lines where the ladies used to be.

And speaking of the ladies, I asked about when I can go shopping for a new bra and prosthetics. And she said in a couple of weeks. Is it weird that even though I have been very ‘ok’ to go around flat like this, the thought of having girls again makes me happy.

Even if they will be padded or silicone or whatever. I’ll have a bump…a smaller one…I am going for a B this time..instead of the D I had in real life.

So before long I’ll have faux/fake boobs.

Faubs…or foobs if you will.

more “less toxic” ways

Letting go of my old stand by deodorant was one of the first things I did back in October when the ball first started rolling. It was something easy I could do to cut down on toxins entering my body. It was warm back then and I was wearing sleeveless pj’s. So it gave it time to dry…which is crucial. If you try to rush things, it will tend to irritate the skin a little bit. And now that it’s colder and I’m showering in the mornings, it was really bothering me. I did not want to stand there fanning “under there” to get everything dry. So my first thought was baby powder, but I can’t handle many smells, so that wasn’t really working for me. But the ingredient in baby powder is corn starch, soooo…I went into the kitchen and found a small plastic bowl and put some cornstarch in it. I know this sounds weird…but it was the perfect solution! I use those disposable pad type things for makeup removal and pat it under each arm and it soaks up the extra liquid and I don’t smell. Repeat..I don’t smell! : )  Ask me again in the summer..I might have to come up with a better solution…it’s not an antiperspirant…but for now that is ok. Crystal comes in liquid, which I found at my Walmart for about $4, but it also comes in rock form and you just rub the rock against your wet underarm. Simple and effective!

I have also discovered the joys of using vinegar around the house. Most of the time, I just use diluted vinegar to spritz off my counters after I cook. I don’t do this if there is a nasty thing like raw meat or anything, but that seldom happens to me, so this works very well. It smells good..I have a thing for vinegar smell anyway..and it’s cheap. I have filled this spray bottle numerous times since I started doing this and that is just money saved every time I do it. Love that.

I also put vinegar in my spray mop. It’s one of those newer ones that let you put your own cleaners in them. So I said goodbye to Mr Clean and put in the vinegar and filled the rest with water. There are sites on the net devoted to vinegar use and I hunted to find one that told about how much I needed to dilute it for my uses and then I’ve just eyeballed it to get it right. It ain’t really rocket science.

In my last post, Karen asked about using Dr Bronners..and yes, I have gotten a nice big bottle of that. ***If you use Dr B…what smell do you get..I got baby something or other..not much smell…are the smells strong or faint?***

The picture above is my attempt at making body wash. Mixed reviews on that…but I’m still working on it. : )

I have used Dr Bronners in my liquid soap containers..the foaming kind..and even though it works with just a smidge in the bottom of the container and the rest filled with water, it left my skin very dry. So I am back to using the friendliest dishwashing detergent I can find in those.

But I have been using it to clean out my bathtub. I didn’t know if it would work. I sprinkled some baking soda in the tub and then did a scant swirly drizzle of Dr B all around the tub and it lathered up the soda and scrubbed my tub clean. And then I followed that up with some spritzes of vinegar as a rinse and the tub was very clean and I didn’t have to touch anything toxic. I did this in the kitchen sink last night…I will admit it was pretty dirty. I went into it thinking that I would know it was clean but the stains would not come out. But they did! I was very happy with the results. Again, I probably would not do this if I wanted to ‘sterilize’ the sink from raw chicken or something, but again that is seldom a problem for me. (I am weird..I use gloves and go from package to baking dish/pan and toss everything…very easy to keep ‘raw’ from going all over the planet)

I will keep adding to this section as I find new things that work well for us. But these are pretty simple and cheap and they work. And no toxins. Love it.

‘poo or no ‘poo?

One day I picked up my bottle of shampoo and noticed almost every ingredient was a chemical of some sort.

So I did a little bit of searching…it seems as though there are people who don’t use shampoo at all. I had never heard of such a thing, but it intrigued me. So I tried it.

I used baking soda and apple cider vinegar. There are many instructions online for how to do it, but I will just tell you what I did and how it worked. I got out two ‘kid cups’ I had in the pantry and put about a tablespoon of baking soda in one and a tablespoon of vinegar in the other…eyeballing the amount, of course. And then filled each cup the rest of the way with water. I put my finger/hand in the baking soda cup to make sure the powder got mixed up really well and wasn’t just settled at the bottom of the cup.

First I wet my hair as usual. Then I poured the baking soda water in my hair. A little here, a little there, until my cup was empty. I worked it in really well with my fingers and then rinsed like I would with real shampoo. Then I followed it up with the vinegar and did all the same things..rub in, rinse as usual.

I will be the first one to tell you that I did NOT think I would like it…I did NOT think it would work. I thought the ‘crunchy granola’ people that had been doing must have a screw loose, because after all, I have oily hair and there just wasn’t any way it would work.

But it did. I did that for a couple of weeks until my first surgery and I couldn’t really deal with all of that in the shower, so I was using ‘regular shampoo’ again.

Until..the other day I was in Target getting some things and I started looking at the Burt’s Bees stuff and sort of eenie-meenie-miny-moe’d it and picked up what is in the picture and I’ve been using it ever since.

It works very well…it feels funny when I use it..it makes a rich lather, but it doesn’t feel slick in my hair. I don’t really know how to describe that. But anyway..it has been working very well for me while I’m in the shower.

But when I start washing my hair in the sink again, I really think I’m going to go back to the soda/vinegar routine. It’s cheaper and it makes my hair feel great.

Who’dathunkit!

making changes

I’ve had a lot of time to think about a lot of things since all of this new stuff began. One of the things I have given a lot of thought to is chemicals.

Chemicals in what I eat, in what I clean with and what I put on my body. It hit me that many times a day I was coming in contact with things I can’t pronounce and I know they are soaking into my skin or going into my system and I don’t know what they are, or what their real effect is on my body.

And so now, I am suddenly aware that I want to lighten what I have titled “my chemical load” so that my body isn’t working hard to weed out harmful things from my system.

So I have cut out sugar and white flour and anything I can’t pronounce from my diet. I am not eating animal fat or any meat other than chicken and turkey (which I already was doing). I have been concerned with what my meat eats..and that is very hard…nobody wants divulge the whole truth about what their livestock is eating..even “organic” fed chickens are fed a soy based diet..which is not healthy for me right now. Very often my meals look more ‘real’…real foods on my plate that are easy to recognize and haven’t strayed very far during food prep from what they were originally. I could go on and on and I’m sure I will as time goes on.

I am less militant during these times of healing because I don’t have the energy to go to the health food store and gather special ingredients right now. But I’m still trying hard not to break the rules as much as possible.

I am also working on cutting out a lot of the store bought things I use…lotion…lip balm…body wash..some cleaners…this sort of thing. I tried a recipe I found online for lotion and it was a fail. I haven’t given up on it though. I made some body wash, but I won’t use it until my wounds are healed, so more on that later.

I’ve said Yes to Cucumbers for lotion. I’ve also gotten acquainted with Burt and his Bees. It’s been interesting to see what is available now that I am looking and reading labels on evvverything.  I feel like it’s an investment in time and effort that will pay off, not just for me, but for the whole family. 

So you’ll be hearing more about the details of the changes I’m making as time goes on.

***If you have any favorite tips or web sites or recipes or products that you think would fit the bill, please leave me a note about them in the comments. Thanks, peeps!***

another surgery

Friday I had another surgery. I had some skin that didn’t survive my first surgery and this was just going back in there and getting rid of it. In some senses, it was a piece of cake. Shorter surgery..no hospital stay.

But I got a drain. And she stitched it to me on the scar from my last drain. And it was really asking a lot from non-elastic “scar” skin. Ugh. So I have been on heavy duty pain killers all weekend because of a stitch…not because of the surgery itself. I go later today to get my drain out. Maybe then I’ll notice my surgery site more.

She had to really work to get my wound taken care of and removed. She warned my husband about how I had a wavy horizontal scar now. By the time I finally got up the nerve Saturday night to unwrap everything and take a shower, we were both a bit anxious about what we were going to find.

And what we found wasn’t that bad. Not near what we had imagined we might see. But taking that shower about did me in, with all the stitch tugging and all. So I didn’t take a shower last night. Waiting on having the tube out to take a proper shower… hopefully with a lot less pain…later today.