a long time coming

Something happened Saturday night that was a long time coming. Something we had been waiting for. Sadly. (yes, get out your Kleenex for this one, ladies) It was one of those things that we didn't plan nor did we want to spring on her 'just to get it out in the open' when the time wasn't right. We just didn't know when the right time would present itself.

When Bub died, Boo had just turned 7 about two weeks earlier. She was very young. And the whole ordeal had taken it's toll on her, as well as us. We were so thankful that she was spared 'the death scene' in that he died in the night. And she has always been a good sleeper. so she didn't awaken in the night when the nurse arrived, or when he was taken from us. She awoke in the morning about 9am and came stumbling out of her bedroom in her usual manner. I hugged her and told her that Bub had gone to heaven in the night. She wanted to see his room. I guess when you're seven, you need a visual to set it in concrete. So I took her hand and we walked into his room and she looked at his bed. I had pulled up the covers so it wasn't so disheveled and looked more 'normal'. I pulled back the sheet and blanket. She looked and said ok. She cried, as was expected.

But then we had to decide some things pertaining to her. Just exactly how involved in everything were we prepared for her to be? That was a difficult question for us to answer. We talked to each other and to the minister who would perform the memorial. But most of all, I prayed about it. I had prayed about it before the moment 'to decide' came. And knew that she did not need to go see his body at the viewing or see the burial. So that's what we did. Everyone seemed supportive of our decision at the time. She stayed at home while we went to the family viewing time on Sunday. And then on the day of the memorial she went to a friend's house during the burial and then met back up with us for the memorial. I'm not saying this is the right choice for everyone out there. But it was the right choice for our girl at that time. He was in heaven and he was not hurting. Enough info!

But of course, that left her with some unanswered questions. Questions that only come with time. To be honest, I'm surprised she hasn't asked about these things sooner.

So Saturday night we were sitting in a booth at a restaurant after we placed an order when the conversation began. She related how a friend of hers went to a funeral and 'freaked out' at the things she experienced. (you know what I'm talking about here so I won't elaborate) And then she mentioned that she told her friend that her brother died and she did get to see those things. So the conversation began....

We did the viewing the day before. He was wearing a favorite pair of pajamas and holding his blanket bonkie and his kitty. It was family only and you stayed with a sitter at home. Ahhhh.. she says. (So far so good.)

And then the next day, after the meal, you went home with so and so and that's when Mom and Dad and the family went to the burial. We didn't see him. Just the casket. The minister talked to us some, and then said a prayer. After we left, the people that work there got everything ready and did the burial. Ahhh... she says.

And then the tears came. She cried in her Daddy's arms. I sat across from her and buried my face in my hands and cried too. She and I both pulled it together as our food arrived and we enjoyed the rest of the meal. And then we headed out for a little bit of retail therapy. (this was planned before the discussion, btw) So new shoes, socks and shampoo in hand, we headed home.

She a little 'wiser' and all of us with heavy hearts.