it was her idea

I started to call this post 'better living through the internet', but I thought that might be a bit ambitious. But anyhoo...

Boo had an idea. A crafty one. (at 5pm on Saturday.. I knew we would be heading out to eat soon) And since I'm not overly good at crafts, I began to moan and whine...but only internally. I gave her idea a look-see. It looked do-able. So we set out to do it! She wanted to turn this...
into this... So that's what we did! She found a You-Tube video tutorial that showed how to make it. I made some changes since I had no intentions of sewing this thing up with a needle and thread. We used my trusty Kenmore sewing machine instead. And we also didn't put a flap on the front, like the video showed. We thought that kind of messed up the whole hey look, it's made out of a pair of jeans thing. It didn't take very long.. and since it's supposed to look kinda crafty, I didn't spend a lot of time making it 'perfect' either. We finished the sewing before dinner!

After dinner, we stopped at Joann's. Yes even the hubster went to Joann's. We bought Velcro for closures. Velcro has come a long way since I've last used it. This was fusible (!!!), so I ironed it on the insides of the purse. Took no time at all and it's really stuck on there very well. I was impressed! We also bought the cute buttons and cut the backs off and glued them on the purse with E6000 glue. Love that stuff. It bonded perfectly. We left it spread out on the dining table to dry Saturday night and by Sunday morning, she had a cute little homemade purse to carry to Sunday School.

Hmm.. let's tally up the costs here:
Outgrown blue jeans in the giveaway stack... FREE
Glue left over from summer craft classes... FREE
Cute little pink belt we added after this pic was taken... FREE
Assorted buttons and velcro... about $10

The look on her face every time she tells me "I love this purse!"... PRICELESS!!!

cross stitch project

I found time to do some projects while Bub was sick.. well actually it was during the time we weren't pursuing any further treatments for him. So he was running around like a healthy, normal, crazy preschooler. I of course, had a lot on my mind. So this one certain project fit in nicely with where I was at the time in so many ways.

I created it from scratch. I bought a computer program (that the hubby taught me how to use) that would turn my cross stitch idea into a pattern. The fonts on the version of this available at the time weren't all that fancy... as you'll see. And the colors were a cross breed of what I had going on at the time-the whole 'country blue/mauve thing'- and the mystery of knowing at some point 'after', we would be redecorating, but not having a clue as to what I would do. I liked the colors in it at the time. And I've thought about re-doing it in my 'current color scheme'... which is very warm in contrast to what I had before. Yellows and reds mainly. With a shot of green here and there. But this cross stitch thing is like a snapshot in time. I spent a lot of time researching what I wanted to do. And then making the pattern. And then finally doing the actual 'finger work'. I remember praying over each word/representation of Jesus and just worshipping Him throughout this whole process. So it's a very personal piece of 'art'.

When we redid the house, I...being totally clueless as to design hired a decorator. (Remember the country blue and mauve.. I rest my case.) She was wonderful. She gave me pointers and started me in the right direction and then turned me loose. I remember pointing to things that would 'stay' when I redid, and this was the first thing I pointed to. I made several things.. but that was the biggest. I made a very small piece that says 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus' which is one of my favorite hymns. I swapped out the frame and mat color when we redid. It was also a keeper.

I loved going into the cross stitch/framing store. It was a mom and pop shop for sure. It was owned by an older couple that had run the shop for years. I had taken several projects to them over the years. During this time, they got to know Bub better since he would run around and play while we discussed framing and matting and stuff. I remember one day I had him in there and we were doing our thing and next thing you know, he just looked kind of droopy. I sat him up on the big table where customers put their projects to chose frames etc, and he quietly told me his leg hurt. I hugged him as tears fell quietly down my cheeks. I knew this was the end. The owner knew what was going on and gave me a sad smile. He was gone in a matter of weeks.

They've retired, but I still see her. We went to their church for a while. She's never failed to ask me how I am and every now and then asks me about Bub or how long it's been etc. I just love her.

One of the things people don't understand sometimes about loss is just now interconnected the loss is to everything else in their lives. It's not just the obvious things that are reminders of that time. And it's something that's come to light in some of my posts. Things I would have a sense of in the past, but more than likely not mention. I'm glad blogging gives me an avenue for that.

making skirts

Boo is growing. She's almost as tall is me. That's not saying a lot, since I'm 5 feet 2, but she's getting taller. There's height somewhere in her genes, because Daddyman is 6 feet 1, sooo... if she spurts again she could at least pass me up. All this growing has caused a major wardrobe problem. She's outgrown all her dresses and skirts...overnight.

I knew this was on the horizon, so I've been scoping out girls dresses etc. Well, since she's grown, most of the little girl stuff is too short for her and juniors clothes make her look like a hooker. I decided today to look at patterns and try to make her a couple of skirts. Well.. that would be fine except all the skirts were either very 'little girl'... or "Project Runway". No I'm not making that up. They had patterns for LITTLE GIRLS 'inspired by Project Runway'. HUH?! They also had some High School Musical and some Hannah Montana. Oh well.. that's sooo much better. Last time I checked, she doesn't go to Sunday School dressed like a pop diva! (and adult sizes still run way too big..she's like a size zero in juniors)

I don't have to ask.. but what has happened to us? To kids? There were so many patterns of midriff showing outfits and low cut things and spaghetti strap things and super short things and on and on. I just wanted to die. I know there are those that want to make the current fashions and save money (but with some patterns costing upwards to $15, there is little saved, IMO). I get that...sorta. But what about those of us that sew because we hate what's on the rack at the department stores?? Vicki Courtney has blogged about it... Angie at Bring the Rain has blogged about it. And her comments went through the roof! So I know I'm not the only one struggling with this.

But what's a mom to do?

I WILL NOT throw in the towel and give in to the mess girls are wearing. But what are my options??? I can't even find patterns to MAKE her something decent. *sigh*

in the mail

Getting mail is fun. I even like to look through the junk mail. It's interesting to see if it's addressed to me or the hubs.. or occupant or whatever. There might be a magazine or something.. you never know. I also like to look through sale fliers. How else would I know if JC Penney's is having another weekly a sale. Or if PedEggs are on sale at Bed Bath and Beyond. This is important stuff.

But not every package is fun. I opened an envelope yesterday. I know it comes at this time of year. And yet, some years it still takes my breathe away. This year I wasn't as stunned by it, though. It was from the hem/onc floor at the hospital where Bub was treated. They have a remembrance ceremony every year. Parents submit photos for a slide show and bring displays and (I assume) staff/doctors etc are there also. It's sort of a mix and mingle kind of thing too. (which we are soo not into) We've never been to this. I just don't know that I could take looking into the eyes of child after child that "didn't make it".

I remember the first time I got one, I didn't even know what it was. But I was so thankful just to be remembered. We can cancel and they wouldn't send us an invite anymore. But it's nice to be remembered...even if we don't go to the ceremony. As they say at the close of the letter...love always remembers.

tegaderm

My dad needs to take this medicine that's an ointment and he's supposed put a little 'glop' of it on his stomach and cover it so it can absorb through the skin. But...here's the weird thing...this medicine did NOT include any type of bandage to do it with. What's up with that??? So I went digging through the medicine cabinet to see if I had any Tegaderm patches. I know these patches well because I used them with Bub to apply numbing cream for 'pokies'. I still had an almost full box of Tegaderms AND boxes of EMLA and ELAmax (aka numbing cream) sitting in the cabinet.

I had this weird thought of 'those are long expired' and tossed them only to pull them out seconds later to put them right back in the cabinet. They have his name on the RX label. Sometimes it's almost like I can't let go of those things.. kinda like they're some sort of 'proof' he was here or something. Weird and irrational, I know. (I really should at least toss the tubes of cream, since they're no good for anybody at this point)

Well I showed my dad how to use the patches, careful to shove images of their use with Bub to the back corners of my mind. But later retelling this, I was so overcome. Tegaderms really do symbolize a lot. All those port accesses, blood draws and BMA's (bone marrow aspirates). EMLA and those patches were a regular 'routine' part of our lives. And the last time I had handled that box and those bandages, he was alive.

Sometimes it frustrates me how grief seeps in when I least expect it.

random hospital observations

While my dad was in the hospital, I found I had nothing but time on my hands. Lots of time. Lots and lots of time. And with nothing to do, I found myself doing a lot of random thinkin' and wonderin'.

Here goes....

So with HIPAA being soo big and they're so concerned with privacy, tell me again why semi-private rooms work? Every single thing said by every single person in the room can be overheard.

Tell me how come you can walk into a hospital and you enter a grand foyer with huge expanses of space then you sit in the patient's room, and you have to shove the ONE chair against the wall so there is room to squeeze the IV pole through the opening so the patient can get to and from the loo. And you're just out of luck if two people need to sit down. There just isn't room. (never mind the part about the outlet to unplug the IV pole is very low behind the bedside table. grrr)

What is the deal with visitors having to go downstairs to the lobby to find a public bathroom. There wasn't one on the patient floors. So you're trying to be there..trying to be nearby 'just in case' that is when the doctor will show up or something and you've gotta haul it all the way downstairs to the little tiny two 'door' bathroom. HUH?????

And last but certainly not least.. I don't know who invented one ply 12 inch rolls of toilet paper installed about 12 inches off the floor. It must have been a man. First you've got to stand on your head to get the paper to even come out of the giant dispenser thing. And then when it does come out, it tears in little tiny pieces since the roll is soo heavy and the one ply paper is crazy thin and not nearly strong enough to pull against itself like that. Great. Just great.

To say I had nothing to do really isn't true though. I took my Bible with me and sat and read several books of the New Testament. I'm so glad that even in the middle of something stressful and 'not fun' like that, God still moved me to be still for a moment and let the rest go and nestle into Him for a while.

wiped out

I haven't been around for a couple of days and it feels like I've been to the moon and back. But really it was just the hospital around the corner. My dad's health isn't the best and he ended up in the hospital for a bit for some testing and observation.

And I, as his appointed 'go to' medical person, of course was along for the ride. And what a ride it was. It's alllllways something. Mainly just tiring and very stressful. There are family issues, which are quite common to most all of us... things I won't go into, but did I mention it was stressful?? Couldn't remember if I had mentioned that. Wanted to make sure I got that in.

He was fiiiiiiinally released from the hospital last night at 5 something. He was dressing as I was digging through my purse to make sure he had evvvvverything...his keys-check! His wallet-check! His billfold-check! We're good to go. I finally got him home and settled and began my drive toward Chick-fil-a... I needed some comfort BAD. (my family had already eaten, as I had no clue of how long things would take and I'd told them to go on without me) I got the fried sandwich (did I mention I needed some comfort???) and planned on adding more pickles when I got home. YUM. I was smelling my sandwich and feeling like I'd barely make it home because I was wiped out.

That's when it hit me...

....my dad has one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" buttons and I still had it in my purse! I was so bummed. So I called him, told him I had it, which at that point he'd figured out and told him I'd be over after I stopped off at home to eat my sandwich. By the time I got home to stay it was almost 8pm. I took a shower and washed my hair. I don't usually wash my hair at night, but I just had to get the past two days OFF of me, including the smells and the memory of resting my head against a plastic glove dispenser mounted on the wall. I took a melatonin and was passed out by 10. I'm so glad to be home!!!!