learning to breathe

So I've been sick. About a month ago I started having pretty severe trouble with my asthma, so I immediately went to my gp, who did a steroid shot and sent me home. She said that if I didn't get better, we would need to do a chest xray...which I was so hoping to avoid. But my breathing problems did not go away, so I got a chest xray. Which was normal...praise God! But I continued to have problems. So my gp wanted to send me to a pulmonologist but I couldn't find one near me taking patients so along the way I discovered that I might need to see an ENT. I saw her and she immediately sent me to an allergy asthma dr she trusts. He treated me for my asthma being out of whack and for about ten blissful days, I was symptom free.

But the the trouble started creeping back. My allergist told me if I started feeling like things weren't going well, to call because he wanted to listen to me when it was really bad. So I called. And he listened. And he backed away from listening to MY THROAT and exclaimed that he thought he figured out the real source of my problem. My vocal cords. I was all do what??? Vocal cord dysfunction...or VCD as it's called for short.

So he sent me to speech therapy which I visited last week for the first time. One of the first things she told me was that I was "lucky" enough to have found a dr that even knows what this is! And for only the second time during all of this, I have felt a ray of hope that I can be helped. You see...my vocal cords are shutting instead of opening when I breathe.  And because of all of that, my body is doing some strange things. Like using my shoulders and my chest muscles (that's a funny one) to breathe instead of my belly. So unless I am lying down, my belly muscles don't do any of the work of breathing. Its exhausting. And I constantly feel short of breath. Every once in a great while, I feel like I got a good breath with much stretching and contorting.

I am leaving out plenty in this story. Stuff like going to the ER with this and being told at one point by a nurse at my gp's office "so what if I give you the results of your xray today or not, you still won't be able to breathe" after listening to me beg (!!!) to hear my xray result on the same day it was done. And being discouraged from visiting the ER by another nurse at my gp. Mind you neither of these people are even remotely thinking about the fact that I am gasping for air. And neither had a clue what was wrong with me. (jerks) And it had been for a time by then.

So yes, it's been a very slow journey. I learned exercises for my shoulders and neck first and now some breathing exercises. She said it takes a minimum of a month to figure this all out and get relief. I am exhausted and at the end of my breathing rope. This has been and continues to be an incredibly difficult journey. Please pray for me. I appreciate it.

Project Life App

I have been a scrap booker since my kids were little.

I've gone from trying to 'do' every. single. picture when they were little...because hello...every single pic was so cute when they were little, to just trying to do vacations.

And even that can be overwhelming. 300-500 pics for a one week vacation. Yes, I pick through and find the best ones, but sometimes ya just want to show different ones for different reasons. And even picking just the best stuff, y'all that's still A LOT of photos.

And a lot of time. And a lot of effort. (And a lot of mess.)

And guess what...all of that stuff is in short supply around here.

So the other day I saw that Project Life has an app for Apple now.  So I downloaded it.

And y'all..I don't EVEN know where to start with this.

It's easy.  It's fun. It's cheap. (app is $2.99) And best of all, IT'S FAST.

As in, since I got it just a couple of days ago, I've made five (!!!) really cute pages. That's five more pages than I've managed to complete in lo a many years, my friend. I haven't been this excited about anything scrap book related in YEARS.

I have wanted to 'go digital' for a long time because of the less mess and less paper, but they are always so complicated. But guess what...this is an app! It's easy! It fits in the palm of my hand. I can do it anywhere.  Did I tell you it's easy? I started playing with it and right away I had it figured out and was creating something really cool and fun. I also love that the app comes with four very different 'kits' with very different color palettes of 'papers'. As in...I can create for a while with just what came in the app. But other kits are available and they are cheap too....99 cents and $1.99 is not bad. And after that, they are mine to use over and over..unlike a special sticker or piece of paper that once I've stuck it down, it's used forever.

Once pages are done, they can be saved to my camera roll, posted on all manner of social media or just about anything else you would want to do with them. They can also be uploaded to places like Persnickety Prints for printing. Y'all...they print an 8 X 8 square page for 99 cents. (you can also print a 12 inch square for slightly more, btw) I can't print photos and buy papers and do it all for a buck!

This isn't a sponsored post, by the way. I just think this is so cool.

OK...I'll shut up now so we can look and some fun scrap book pages, k?

Cute, right? : )

unexpected gift

I never win contests. Except for one time I won Six Flags tickets over the radio when I was a kid. So there was that. But no other time have I won a contest. : )

Also, I feel like such a bad blogger. Not only do I not update my own blog very often, I've gotten pretty lax in commenting as well. It makes me feel so bad, but it all takes time. And lots of things in life are taking time these days.

So the other day I happened to be visiting Cheryl Barker's blog and commented to enter a contest. Never intending to win.  But I did! What a fun surprise! And thanks to a strange email mix-up, I didn't find out about it until my birthday, which was an extra sweet surprise! : )

So thank you Cheryl, for making my birthday just a little more special! : )

Hugs and love, y'all!

allergic

Yesterday I got allergy tested.  My only experience with it was back in the ye olden times when Bub got tested. He was the youngest patient his allergist had ever tested and given shots. And they helped tremendously.

So I decided to give it a whirl since my asthma really bothers me sometimes. And there are only so many oral meds and inhalers available. (and Bub got to the point that he didn't need any of it)

I signed all the paperwork and changed out of my top and soon the nurse came in with all the prinklies. It was uncomfortable but not painful. And I didn't have any intense reactions, so the experience overall wasn't too bad.

But I found out I'm allergic to a lot of molds. And some trees. And plenty of animals. Including dogs. And cats. Don't worry. We won't be showing Annabelle the door...she's our baby. And I'm totally not surprised that I was allergic to her. I've know it for years. Maybe the shots will help with all of that and more.

Either way, I might as well not have a cow about all of this. Because I'd be allergic to it, too.

Something I'm not allergic to? Roaches. So...what am I supposed to do with that tidbit? Pet roach anyone? : p

Good times.

Sauna time

It's summer. It's hot. It's like a sauna.

Not really. Because I know what I sauna is like. Because I just got one. : )

Yes..really! 

It's not what you think though. It's not the multi-levels of wooden seating wrapped in a towel a la tv. Although those do exist. It's more of a wooden frame with reflective walls and lights for the heat. Kinda like the ones at McDonalds to keep the food warm. I'm not kidding. It's called near infrared. It has six bulbs that shine on the lone occupant of the sauna..me. : ) But the walls reflect light all over. So not only is there benefit from the heat generated by the bulbs themselves, there is actual benefit from the light. It is low EMF, which is a good thing. But it penetrates the skin and that is an added benefit. Another benefit to near infrared vs the conventional way, is that the temperatures are greatly reduced...like from 150 to 175 (or higher) to around the 100 to 120 range. With the same plus added benefits. 

I have known that saunas are a good thing for a while because like most people know, you sweat in it. And that releases toxins from the body. Which is good. Of course. But after I got sick, I began to realize that detox in the tip of the sauna iceberg, so to speak.

Not only do they release toxins, they heat the body a few degrees, which actually attacks things like viruses and candida (hello summer problem!) and weakens cancer cells directly, it raises the heart rate, it reduces inflammation which helps with all manner of diseases including arthritis, workout issues and cancer, rejuvenates skin, enhances circulation and aids in weight loss. Those are just some quick things that I remembered from all my reading. There are other benefits as well. 

But I'm sure you can begin to see why it is of particular interest to me. 

It arrived in the mail in kit form around dinner time Friday. (Grr you, UPS. Would have preferred putting it together in the afternoon, rather than into the night Friday night). But we did get it all put together by around 10:30 Friday night.  It took four hours if you include a quick froyo run for the hubs. He deserved a break after all that work. We got it built and turned it on to make sure it worked and went to bed. I got up Saturday morning and had my first sauna session. Feels a little bit like roasting on a spit. The user has to turn every so many minutes. I used an old interval app for my timer and I was set to go. I am starting with about 15 minutes total right now, changing every three minutes. Front, side, back, other side, front. I will increase my times as I get more acclimated to this, which shouldn't take very long. I will work up to going all the way around and including the front and back twice and also doing those two stations a minute or so longer than the sides. I did sweat pretty well Saturday, given it was my first time in it.

Later yesterday, I found a nice app that is an interval timer but it allows music to be played at the same time and tried it out this morning. It didn't work out as well as yesterday without it because I had my sounds volume turned down too far and I couldn't hear the turn alerts over the music, so I was in and out of the sauna a few times getting it all worked out. But I think I have all the settings working correctly for this now and tomorrow should run smoother. I was bummed that I didn't sweat today. I was plenty hot but I didn't get sweaty. I guess the in and out of cool air and letting cool air into my little box didn't really help. Boo. 

And unlike being wrapped in a towel (like tv) or wearing a swim suit like one would have to do using a sauna at a fitness center, I have decided just to wear a pony tail holder. ; ) Its easier than dealing with clothes and part of the benefit is the light anyway. And I'm by myself, so why not. I put on one article of clothing that covers me while getting ready and then just shed it and put it under my little stool while I do my time. And when time is up, I can just dry off and put it back on. Works nicely not to have to buy something specific for the purpose. 

So yes, summer is hot. But the sauna is hotter. 

***Should I disclaim? Ok, I will. No, I didn't get this sauna for review. I got it because I bought it myself. And also, I'm not promising this thing will heal everything from your dandruff to your ingrown big toenail. End of the disclaiming. ; ) ***

the nip story

I read a local news story today about tattooing new nipples on women that have undergone reconstruction surgery. And it just got me to thinking.

Most of the time I don't miss them. And other times I do. It's not a lot of fun to lose a lot of weight but then wait to put on clothes to see how ya look. I try hard not to look in the mirror while dressing etc. It's amazing how much I can avoid seeing even though I'm standing right in front of my reflection.

It's easier that way.

I read the story but the video wouldn't work. Someone in the comments mentioned a 'famous' tattoo artist that only does these types of tats now. And it's called....getting a vinny. So I googled it. And I was amazed. Not that I try to stare at nipples all the time. I spent my whole life trying not to look cold, if ya know what I mean. I read stories about him and watched several news pieces about him.

And I cried.

I miss me. The old me. The whole me. The girl that didn't have to get her girls out of a box. And order bras off Amazon. I still don't think I would reconstruct. It just doesn't seem to fit with other goals I have for myself. It's a very personal decision. One that any woman facing this has to make for herself. There are times I wonder if I will change my mind on the issue. Just. Don't. Know.

But I do know that wholeness isn't measured by whether I have breasts or nipples. It's measured by who I am inside.

Maybe I should get *that* tattooed on me.  : )

Edited to add...no tats for me. It's the thought that counts.  : )

follow up or p.s. or something

As a follow up to my last post, I thought I would let y'all in on what's happened since....in the bra department. So..I got 'fitted' for a new ("leisure") bra at the bra store. I also asked them to tell me the name of the SECOND bra I ever ordered from them, which is beige. It is also the third bra I ordered from them because I ordered another one when I saw how well it fit. This is the same bra that I could never get a clear answer from in the past about whether it was discontinued or they just wouldn't or couldn't get it anymore. Well, the girl gave me the name and code etc of the bra. I come home and pull my first white bra out of the closet to check the tag. THIS is the bra she gave me the info on. I have to say I was pretty furious. It just made. me.  mad. I felt like I was back at square one. I didn't call the store because frankly I just didn't want to talk to them.

I had been lamenting all of this to my friend Amy (at Wade's World...I would add a link but I got a new computer..an Apple..and I don't know how to do that yet..duh) and she suggested looking on Amazon. So I had been browsing and found a few that I had tried on in the store and a few that looked like they might be possibilities etc. But my eye kept coming back to this one certain one. So much so that I jumped out of bed..yes I shop for bras with my ipod in bed...and grabbed one of my favorite old beige bras so I could compare. The more I compared the more excited I got. And then I went and grabbed a magnifying glass. Cuz I'm an old lady. ; ) And could barely make out the faded style number on the tag...and it matched the one on Amazon. I was elated!

I ordered three the very next morning. They are exactly the same as the ones I loved from the bra store and they fit perfectly. And under any shirt, thankyouverymuch.

This whole thing has left an even worse taste in my mouth for the bra store. Because I have asked specifically about this bra at several fittings and have felt like I was getting the run around about it. I've been in sales, so I understand that if you can't get something, you try to steer your client toward something you CAN get. But at the same time, when we've tried on bra after bra and I've left the store empty handed and upset...or wearing something they know is ill fitting...you'd think they would care more about making somebody happy and creating a positive experience for the client, rather than just the bottom line.

 But I did order a leisure bra, as they call it, and it arrived. I got them the day before the good bras came in the mail from Amazon.  But frankly it's not all that comfortable. It creeps up which drives me out of my mind. Short trip. Those will do for back up and just to give my chest a rest but they are by far, not the most comfortable just because it moves around a bit and there is more fabric, which is frankly HOT in the summer. And since it's cotton, it kind of sticks to my clothes and makes me have to adjust my clothes a lot. bleh.

So where does this leave me? Well, I have three new bras that fit and look great...no thanks to the bra store. I thought about complaining to them, but opted not to say anything. I will continue to use the bra store from time to time and I really need a working relationship with them.

So as the popular song says, I just...let it go. : )