gone

I feel like I should be humming the John Denver song... (gee whiz... does that date me or what?!) My bags are packed and I'm ready to go....

I'm excited about a girly weekend starting early tomorrow morning. Well, part of a weekend. Out of town for 2 days. Woo hoo! It will be nice to get away and nice to return home. I'm always glad for both. I've packed my iPod (no, John Denver is NOT on my iPod. Does that redeem me after the John Denver reference?! lol), a book and my Bible since I tend to be the early riser. Looking forward to the girl thing AND the time I know I'll spend alone while my cousin is sleeping.

Have a good weekend, y'all!

random and abiding

I guess I'm sort of 'random' today. I have several things. Here goes:

• I learned how to edit Html to fix spacing problems. I finally decided I needed to learn to take care of it myself. And I did! I fixed the issues with yesterday's post. Yay!
• I learned how to do the strike thing last night, but don't ask me how today. I already forgot. I guess I need another lesson on that! LOL
• I also got brave enough to try out the bullet list. I don't take to new things, easily. Just so ya' know!

Also, as I wrote yesterday, God's been bringing abiding to my thoughts lately. God has been continually setting that before me. Boo and I went shopping yesterday with a friend and her daughters. It was fun. We had a nice day. But I recall many times while we were out, just longing for Life. Longing just to be still and pray. I didn't feel connected. I wasn't abiding. I was just going through my day. I was having thoughts of God, but I wasn't actively praying. One thing required of abiding is active praying... constantly. While driving... washing dishes... disciplining kids... talking to people. A constant connection with the Father. And it's something He's calling me back to. I've crawled out of His lap too often of late.

I read a little bitty book about abiding that is just wonderful. Written by Andrew Murray (of course!). He's one of my favorite authors. It's called The Secret of God's Love. This book takes the reader step by step, verse by verse through John 15. It's beautiful. For some reason, his books tend to get renamed or republished and the name of the book changes. I hope it's still out by that title now. I also have one of his called Abide in Christ. It is also good, although I haven't read the whole thing yet. If someone would like one, I have one extra of The Secret of God's Love. If you email me with your address, I'll mail it to you for freebies! How's that for fun?

another word

I listened to a Dennis Jernigan song last night that I hadn't heard in a while. But it just about brought me to tears. In some ways, it's a simple song, but in other ways, it speaks profoundly and deeply to the heart within me that yearns for more of the Father.

It's called If I Could Just Sit With You a While. I'm not sure who wrote it, but it was on DJ's cd. Some of the words are....

When I cannot feel, when my wounds don't heal

Lord I humbly kneel, hidden in You

Lord, You are my life so I don't mind to die Just as long as I am hidden in You

If I could just sit with You a while, if You could just hold me

Nothing could touch me though I'm wounded, though I die

If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

One of the other words I underestimated when I began to walk with God in earnest was abide. It was a word I never considered very much. It was always a pretty word and I knew it had meaning, but I never could grasp exactly what it was. I'm still learning to grasp it.

When Bub was first diagnosed, I sat there at the hospital staring at his treatment plan. I was overwhelmed. When we finally returned home and a little bit of normalcy crept back into our lives, I'd look at my son and all I could hear were 'the odds' and how they were pretty slim that he'd survive. And yet he was a running around, giggling, child that still needed attention, love and discipline... just like a 'normal' child. I couldn't shake seeing him as 'dead'... that was all I could see in front of me for a time. Abide

I was scared. What were we gonna do? How was I going to go through this as a mother? The list of things we had to do to try to save him was very long... and terrifying. I'd never even heard of a stem cell transplant before.. .and we were standing in line for one. Surgery after surgery. Hospital stay after hospital stay. Drugs. Needles. Crying. Final diagnosis. Dying. Abide.

Now all these years later, I'm looking at my daughter going into her last year of middle school, but at a brand new school. New experience for all of us. We don't know anyone there yet. It's exciting yet scary at the same time. Abide.

When Jesus was facing his last days on earth before His crucifixion, He went about doing what He needed to do with each person He met along the way. He was not frozen or paralyzed with fear or anxiety. He wasn't focused on next week or six months from now. But in that moment, He prayed and sought His Father. I've learned, but at times need to be reminded, of that. To seek Him in the now. It's always now. To crawl up in my heavenly Father's lap like a little girl and sit with Him a while. Abide.

John 15:4 "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."

his quilt

When Bub was diagnosed, one of the first people to come in the room was a lady with this quilt. We were scared, confused, exhausted and had already been away from home for what felt like a week, having endured more than one surgery and several tests before we even got to the in-patient part. This became one of the things we always packed for hospital stays. He enjoyed covering up with it since it wasn't an institutional blanket. It was fun. It had "aminals" on it. For some reason, I was thinking it was Noah's Ark.. but duh... it's just "aminals". I guess my memory is fading some on the details. Kinda sad. I hate that.

It's bigger than I remembered! He was so tiny cuddled up under it.



Project Linus Tag

I had forgotten until I got ready to take these pictures that it was given under the Project Linus name. I remember now that we always called it his 'Linus Blanket'. Even though it's a quilt.

Another Project Linus Tag.

This one is custom made and satin.

Like I said, we carried this blanket to every hospital stay we had. I took it to transplant, but it only stayed on the bed for one day. I really had no idea what we were in for as far as that experience. wash. wash. wash. It might of made another appearance at the end of transplant, but I don't remember at this point. He rarely played with it at home. I guess it was a negative while he was home. But he loved it at the hospital.

It symbolizes so much. I had a small 'freak out time' today, as I couldn't find it! I can usually put my hands on things I really need. But I hunted and scrounged around and came up empty. I had a moment of panic, but reminded myself that The Hubster had recently rearranged in there and could surely put his hand on it fast. I met him in the garage when he came home from work today, peppering him with questions about it. He went to the closet and had his hand on it very quickly. Whew! I almost cried when I saw it.

I couldn't believe how people who've never met us could take the time to make something so sweet and wonderful for us. It was a warm gesture during a very dark time.

oh

Boo spent the night with some little friends of hers. They're a couple of years younger than she is, but they get along wonderfully. It was a slumber party of sorts. Lots of girls there. I hung around with my friend (the mom) as the other kids mom's came and went. I was introduced to all the moms and we laughed and had our small talk stuff.

But then I met one of the other mothers. My friend hesitantly told us we had something in common. We both said "oh" at the same time. We knew without saying a word. I think both our faces changed in an instant. We've both lost a child. I told her it's a club neither of us ever wanted to be in. We both talked of experiences 'taking us back' to when it happened for us. For me it was the death of a little girl we know recently. For her it was something else. But it took us back. Then and now. We both fanned our eyes to dry the tears. And we both moved on to other topics and had a nice time meeting each other.

'We' are out there walking among you. The ones who've lost a child. We look just like you. We smile. We laugh. We buy groceries. We do everything you do. But sometimes, out of nowhere, something can prick our hearts and take us back to a place that is only in most people's worst nightmares. And yet we lived it. And we relive it again a little bit. And then we move on.

Again.

gecko season

Now that it's getting ew dang hot outside, some little critters are finding their way inside our house. Lovely. I'm talkin' geckos. Lots of them! Well, to me it's lots of them. Day before yesterday we had one. Yesterday we had two. Today has been lizard free.

So far.


They'd be kinda cute if they weren't in my house. I.C.K. They can run fast too. I guess they "know" what's gonna happen when they hear me get out the vacuum cleaner. About the time I get all set up to suck the little guy away, he runs off.

How dare him!

The hubby's got a different approach, since the vacuum cleaner routine takes a while. He just grabs the little thing up in a tissue and tosses it. Double ick! The whole thing just grosses me out. I feel sorta bad for them, seein' how it's all hot outside and all, buuuuut!

G.R.O.S.S.

forward

I got one of those nasty forwards talking about what an awful person one of our presidential candidates is... how he snubbed troops on a recent visit etc. His last name starts with an "O" in case you couldn't figure it out or you wanted to know. This blog is not at all political... I feel like a fish out of water when I vote and have to remember how to do 'this' etc. It's just not my thing. Not where my focus lies. Having said all of that, "O" isn't my favorite person.. for lots of reasons. Nothing to do with the forward.

And that's a good thing, because the forward was a lie.

Which brings me to the broader topic at hand. Forwards. I hate them. I just hate them. Well, let me rephrase that. I hate most of them. The ones with cute kitties are OK. The ones with silly poems about getting older or needing bifocals are sometimes OK. But...and this is a big but here... NOT most of them. You know the ones. If you're American, forward this. If you care about people, forward this seven times. If you're a good Christian, forward this. This one bothers me because most of the time, a little discernment and listening to God, and the email wouldn't even get sent in the first place. And yet I've seen it played out over and over. I just get so sick of it.

My being an American is not dependant on my forwarding some dumb email. My being a friend or caring about people isn't dependant on it either. This one is a particular pet peeve! *IF* I really really care about someone.. guess what! I can write them an email. Or they can sit down and write me one. Or.. gasp... we could have a meaningful conversation! Not some dumb forward. What does a forward say, other than, "I can hit send". Woo hoo. What a talent. And as far as being a good Christian, read the Word, pray, listen for His still small voice and then do what He says. (Most forwards are pretty shakey theologically anyway!)

If we really want to be a friend, let's love each other deeply from the heart. Pass that ahead. So much better than a forward, don't you think?!