reading the book

It’s no secret that I’ve been down in the dumps lately. Not at all.

I know I have so much to be thankful for, and yet my heart aches for reasons unknown to me.

So I did what I have done in years past. I went searching for something to sooth my soul. I found a book that sounds very good. I searched online to see if I could pick it up at my local Christian book store. I wasn’t sure from the website. So I thought perhaps I could call and see if they had it in stock.

I’m all about instant gratification, so things like this, even though petty, really bug me.

But before I could pick up the phone or whip out my credit card, something stopped me.

I didn’t need another book to read.

I already have a Book to read.

And the one who wrote it thinks I am precious and had me on His heart when He penned it.

What better Book for me to read when my heart is crying out for something.

Something that only He can fill.

Disclaimer…I don’t have a problem with books. I love books and know they can be very helpful in our walk with God. But for me, for this moment, another book isn’t what I need. I need Him.

pancakes…yes I said pancakes! {allowed and delicious!}

I know I’ve talked about food a lot. How I eat..what I eat..what I don’t eat. bla bla bla. There isn’t anything magical about eating better. You just need fresh ingredients and an imagination. I can get my hands on the first part pretty easy, but it’s the imagination part that stumps me. So when something a little bit out of the box is presented to me…and it’s amazing…it’s a pretty thrilling thing.

So I present to you..healthy pancakes. Oh yes. It’s true. Granted there is no sugar, thus no syrup. And at first, that was a big heart breaker, as in the past pancakes were just a fancy vehicle for syrup delivery. So I had to rethink my pancake motives. Anyway…here goes.

This recipe/method makes two good sized pancakes. I will tell you what I do and why I do it. I’m not by any means saying that I know everything I’m talking about…just telling the how and why of what I’m doing.

Anyway..the cast of characters. First of all…four eggs. I use three of what I call ‘cheap’ eggs…just regular brand at the grocery store. And then one of either Egglands Best or organic.

And here is why…I crack the three ‘cheap’ eggs in a bowl.

And then separate the eggs to get rid of the yellows. The reason I do this is because presumably the toxins that might be in an average egg will reside in the fat…the yolk..so I get rid of that. (this is a theory presented to me, so I’m just going with it..since this is that person’s recipe) Times three. With a spoon. Yep..a spoon. Just scoop it out. Works like a charm!

And then some dry ingredients. Rolled oatmeal, wheat germ, ground flax seed, steel cut oats and oat bran. (excuse the eggs again)

I put two tablespoons each of the wheat germ, ground flax, steel cut oats and oat bran.

And this is where the measurements get a little shaky. I add *some* rolled oatmeal. *Some* because I put a little and stir things around to see if it starts to have the right consistency…again it’s a ‘feel’ thing…if it begins to have a semi-thick/thin batter feel.

After that is all mixed up..actually I wait until after this next few ingredients to mix, but to start out, I mixed the oats etc first so I could tell when I had enough. Anyway..after all of that is mixed up (or before, whatever floats your boat), I add some more ingredients. Honey, salt, stevia, vanilla and cinnamon.

I don’t have exact measurements for these..I just squeeze, shake, pour or smack the bottom of the bottle until I think it looks ‘right’.

And if you haven’t already, mix it all up with a spoon. During all of this mixing, I preheat my iron skillet with some refined coconut oil…probably a tablespoon or so. After the skillet heats, I pour off a little bit into the bowl and stir it into the batter. And now it’s time to make pancakes!

Start spooning the batter into the skillet.

 

It makes a mound..this is not a pouring kind of batter.

It’s more of the spreading kind.

Freshly flipped. Ain’t she a beaut?!

The first pancake is usually more perfect because the dry ingredients have not started soaking into the eggs. Sometimes I have to add another egg white..or remember to go a little lighter on the rolled oats next time.

And the first pancake is usually for the girl. And since it’s summer, she’s usually not up just yet. So I cool her pancake on my make-shift rack so it doesn’t get all sweaty on the bottom.

While the pancakes are cooking, I start on the topping. Yes, there is topping. It’s not syrup, but it’s pretty tasty and super delish!

So here goes…I take two tablespoons of flax oil and 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (I usually get organic, but they didn’t have any this week, so I had to get ‘regular’) and put them in the cup of my mini food processer.

And I add fruit to that to give it more volume and hello…flavor. Our current favorite is two ripening bananas. I also add a dash of vanilla, some stevia and a tiny drizzle of honey.

And then I pour it over the pancake. It’s so good!

Our favorite breakfast. It looks like chicken fried steak but it’s a lot healthier! : )

Ps…doing this post has given me fresh respect for Pioneer Woman..this kind of post takes forever. And sorry, but I don’t have a handy printable.

The end. : )

in a funk

So last night, I cried myself to sleep. And I don’t even know why.

As I mentioned in my last post, we would really like to just get in the van and GO. Get out of here and be somewhere else and enjoy some down time. But as I said, we have no idea where we would like to go. It’s a bummer.

But I think the real crux of it is some sort of strange let down reflex after going through dealing with those little bumps. And not really knowing what was going on there for a little bit. Both my doctors were confident that I was dealing with scar tissue. But in the end, both of them felt it best to get them removed. But it was a lot of here there and everywhere and then surgery…very minor, but still surgery…and then sitting in the recovery room and hearing my nurse tell somebody that she’s the girl that ‘just’ had some scar tissue removed. THAT is how I found out that all was well. Weird. Yes, I had asked for my husband, but I was feeling a little weird so they waited for me to feel a little better to let him come in. I hate that.

So maybe that is why I cried myself to sleep. Just a release from everything that has happened. But I know there is a frustrated-ness too. We have had a pretty bummer few months and now things are good. And yet our routine is just so monotonous at times. And unlike my sweet friend Karen who commented that summer has not arrived in the pacific northwest, there is no doubt that summer has arrived here. It’s been over a hundred for the last several days. Just going outside takes my breath away and makes my skin burn. So the thought of a ‘stay-cation’ kind of makes me laugh. Or melt.

I know that our trip to Tennessee last year was a gift. It was beautiful there and we thoroughly enjoyed the low key trip (but we don’t want to go back). It was a great trip to have fresh on my memory as we dove into dealing with my health for a bit. And now I guess I’m just searching for the next gift after the past few months of rough stuff we’ve dealt with. A fitting bookend to all that has happened, if you will.

a week ago today…

…I got my stitches out. I left to buy groceries earlier that day and when I got home, there was a car in the driveway. We expected company, I just didn’t know what time.

So I had to cross the awkward bridge before I was even in the door. 

The awkward you’re flat. And later you won’t be awkward.

But it went ok. I think it was me more than anybody else, so I guess it was good I had to dive in feet first so to speak. And sort of get it out of the way.

I have been able to jump right in to wearing my foobs again, pretty much full time. I am so thankful for that! : )

We are in discussions right now as to where we would like to go on vacation. We’ve toyed with different parts of Colorado. Thoughts? Anyone…anyone. Bueller. (sorry, couldn’t resist!)

It’s nice to be able to think about something like a vacation after getting all that other stuff over with. I just wish we could come up with something.

Ideas are welcome. : )

a little walk

I went for a little walk today. Hardest walk since my surgery. I did some pretty good cardio on the treadmill. I did almost 2 miles in about 28  minutes.

Woot.

Nevermind that I had to stop right in the middle of my cool down because my asthma was bothering me. At least it started bothering me at the end, instead of at the beginning. Moving on..

I usually walk on a track (indoors). But they were having a basketball camp down below in the gym. (I walk in a church wellness center.) So I chose to go to the work out room and use a machine rather than subject myself to dribbledribbledribbledribble. You get the picture.

And it was good. I didn’t do my normal cardio, which is a specific routine created for me by my personal trainer. So I plopped my ear buds in and enjoyed some Chris Tomlin. One line that stuck out to me today was “You take the pieces and turns them to praises…”. I love that! Because it’s so true. I don’t have anything of value to offer God or do for Him that makes me worthy of anything. I’m truly nothing. A speck on a speck, if you will. But He can take the pieces of my life…the things that are hard (including what happened to Landon and my current health issues)…the things that don’t even make sense to me or are too hard to even understand and recreate me into something that can see His work in the midst of it all. And turn them to praises. So true. If we will let it be so.

Love!

If the video doesn’t work, here is the link.

a bump in the road

Benign. I will start my story with that word and move on from there. I hate it when someone writes a post that has me worried and I struggle to quickly scan to see if the person is ok and miss most of their content because I am looking for the answer.

So I’ll start with the answer…it’s benign.

The other day I felt two strange bumps on my chest, right beside one of my scars. I know! Not the sort of thing a sort of girl like me wanted to feel.

I went to my onc, and he didn’t seem too worried about it. At first, he thought I should just watch it…or have a biopsy. And then he said maybe I should just go see my surgeon “because two heads are better than one” and see what she thought. Her thought was to either watch it…or have it removed. Both of them thought it might be a suture or scar tissue doing something weird. Neither of them were very concerned or freaked out about it. (which really surprised me…and calmed me in a strange sort of way)

But in the end, both of them leaned towards me having it checked out.

So today I had surgery to have two very small lumps removed from my left ‘chest’. (my issues were all on the right in the beginning) I found it mildly amusing that they called my little surgery today a “breast biopsy” because I don’t HAVE breasts. Anyway… I guess I’m easily amused.

I won’t lie… I was scared this wasn’t going to end up as the ‘nothing’ they both tried to reassure me it was, if you get my drift. I was worried. I have been so ready to get to today and get it over with for quite some time now. And it finally came and went.

I really like my breast surgeon. She’s older and all business but she is kind and gentle too. She immediately knew when she got in there that I just had a little bundle of flesh that grew around a stitch causing a small knot. “Totally benign”…her words. I was a bit surprised to have the ‘results’ of this so quickly. I was figuring I’d have to wait for labs etc to know anything, but I guess it was pretty easy for her to see what it was.

I am so thankful today is done. And that I already know what was going on inside me.

Now to heal up. Again. I keep wondering if this is a couple of steps back as far as wearing a bra and the foobs. I really don’t know how long the healing process will be for this little tiny surgery.

But that is ok. : ) 

white plates

This may be the dumbest post ever, but it is neat to me…so here goes. : )

Since I’ve been making so many “lifestyle changes” since my diagnosis, one of the things I wondered about were my plates. They were stoneware and made in China. Um yeah. I’ve read horror stories about how they can leach chemicals etc and we end up eating it. Not cool.

And even though my plates were much beloved…they were a wedding gift after all…they were also very worn. And even a bit outdated.

So I thought I would get some new plates. And for some reason, I was always drawn to white plates.  But I began to wonder if getting new plates was going to be any better for me than my old ones. And then several places I read brought me back to something so simple that it hadn’t really occurred to me.

Corelle.

Yes, that stuff my mom had. Super thin and almost always with some sort of kitchy pattern on it. But then I went to Corelle’s web site…and looked at Walmart…and found some really pretty plates. Corelle Ware.

And I love them.  

They are white and fresh and healthy food looks so delicious on them. I love that.

But the other thing I love about them has been more subtle in presenting itself. But a little background first…I’ve struggled with loading my dishwasher since I got it. And the biggest headache for me were the plates. My stoneware plates were so thick that they would only fit in one spot and if we used more than ‘the usual’ in a day, it was a big headache for me when it came time to load the dishes. (I guess you can see how I feel about hand washing dishes…anyhoo…)

As I’ve been using these new dishes, I’ve noticed that since they are thinner, I have many more options for getting them loaded…they offer much more flexibility and I can configure the rack with the plates many more ways than I could in the past. And since I do so much more cooking…and different kinds of cooking..than I did in the past, this is such a wonderful discovery!

On the surface, this could seem like a happy coincidence. But I can see it as more than that. I knew I needed new plates for one reason. But God knew He could lead me to the proper dishes to help me out in another way…and I way that I never even gave much thought.

Every time I load the dishes, I smile at my beautiful white plates and am so mindful of God’s unique provision