a week of days

This is ‘the’ week. The anniversary of the week we lost our Landon. But there is something unique this year. For the first time since we lost our little Bub 11 years ago, the days fall on the same days of the week as the year we lost him.

So Friday was remembered because we talked to his oncologist because he had been waking up at night in pain and he HAND DELIVERED TO OUR DOOR STEP a scrip for narcotics so we could go get in filled. And then we went to get in filled at a different pharmacy ( not just any pharmacy carries narcotics in liquids for kids) and both kids were running around acting crazy. We laughed and didn’t care. We knew his time of being with us was coming to an end, but even then we had no idea just how quickly it would actually come.

Then over the weekend he had more struggles. He felt decent so we did some ‘normal’ stuff. He wanted a pair of sunglasses, so we bought those for him. I cry every time I look at the pics of him lying on the couch smiling with those glasses on. On death’s door. But still trying to play and be a kid. (crying now just thinking about that)

Monday we went in to clinic to get him started on hospice. We had to wait forever in the waiting room and I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. Couldn’t the nurses and doctors just believe us that he wasn’t doing well and get the ball rolling without us coming in. (no)

Tuesday hospice came to get us started.  Fancy talk for coming to meet us. We continued to give liquid meds from his onc throughout the week because they didn’t know what to do with Landon and for some strange reason consulted ‘other sources’ instead of talking to his TWO oncs. (I was livid. I was also livid that hospice never contacted his oncs to let them know after he passed. Our sweet onc read it IN THE NEWSPAPER AND CALLED US.)

Thursday we finally got some relief in the form of a patch and some different oral meds…just in time for bed Thursday night. We put him to bed and he woke up in Jesus’ arms Friday morning. (I wrote more about this night here)

Friday we were numb. By 7 am the funeral home had come and gone and we began making phone calls. We went to Luby’s for lunch, but nobody was hungry so really we just pushed around some food on our plates. We had all lost our appetites from the events of the night and morning. By Friday afternoon, a friend came into town to do Landon’s service.

Saturday we planned everything at the funeral home and picked out a plot. In the pouring rain. Sunday was the viewing. Hubs and I went ahead to see him before we had to have it all together for the family viewing time. It was still raining. The power went out as we twisted the knob to enter his ‘room’. We waited on the power to come back on to proceed. Very strange. I remember not having any idea what to expect. In my mind he was tiny, but he was longer than I thought he was. I remember thinking he looked so big and yet so tiny at the same time. Something else nobody in their wildest imaginations can see in their mind’s eye…their little beloved one being laid to rest. Wanting to cherish the last time I would see his little face and his little hands holding on to one of his stuffed kitties and yet so strongly not wanting to remember him like this. But I do. *tears*

Monday was the burial and memorial service. It was beautiful and perfect and sweet.

All of these things were eleven years ago this week.

A week full of days that hold tremendous meaning and are special and break our hearts all at the same time. Little snippets that are forever etched on our memories…

So I will see you, my friends, on the other side. Please pray for us as we walk through this week in a strangely even more sobering way this year.

We miss you still, sweet boy. You would be so big. I can’t wrap my head around how much time has passed! Mommy and Daddy and Sister love you very much!