working on the pics

I told myself.. and y’all that I was going to start working on photos from when my kids were little.

Both kids.

Including before Bub’s illness, during and beyond.

I have started the process.

Since there are pix of both kids, I had to decide how I was going to do ‘this’. Here is what I decided. I did not want to constantly bombard the girl with pix of her brother and yet I didn’t want to erase him from everything either. So I separated the pix quite a bit. I have a book of her and a book of him (so we can look at them from time to time). But if both kids are together, I put just a few of those in her book. It still gives her a sense of when he was with us, but it is mostly about her. I think that will work out well for us without being ‘in your face’ about everything.

I have many pix that were taken of Bub when he was sick. I wanted to document everything, so that if he made it, he could see how far he came. So now they just remind me of everything we all went through..including him of course. What a strong, brave little man. It still astounds me that he rarely complained or even said he was in pain. Very remarkable for a three year old.

In the last few weeks, I have done from January when he was diagnosed, through July when he was having radiation.  I opened those pics today and just broke down. I have gone as far as I can go today (after doing several rolls from earlier, including when we shaved his head at diagnosis).

It’s very hard to look at picture after picture of my baby all sick like that. It just conjures up all sorts of images that I don’t dwell on very often.

It just hurts.