my foobs and I…an update

Let’s see…where to start. I have been wearing my foobs some. I didn’t even take them when I went out of town, so there was a stretch of time that I didn’t even touch them. The biggest reason I didn’t take them when I went on my trip was because they were bothering me…ok, hurting…and I just didn’t want to mess with them. And they wouldn’t fit in my suitcase. But mainly the first one.

So recently I’ve had a renewed interest in trying to wear them. But as I said before, they can make me sore. Everything makes me sore. (more on that later) But I’d worked on trying to wear them. I’d have a good day followed by several bad days and it was just disheartening.

I came to the point a few weeks ago of wondering if I’d ever wear them at all. I had to deal with ‘self esteem” and how society views women. It was hard. But I began to see my value and my beauty more from the eyes of God rather than from the eyes of people, and in His eyes, I am beautiful and whole, even though to mankind’s eyes, something is missing. Realizing that has carried me a long way.

But a hard reality is that ladies clothes are not made for a girl that is a D, which I was previously. Nor are they made for a girl that doesn’t have breasts…because either they are low cut, which shows my uneven contours, or they are thin fabric which also shows my uneven contours. (I have started to invest in a few tops that have a busy pattern on them because it helps hide that sort of thing).

Thursday I went back to my plastic surgeon. I was overdue to see her for my last visit and have pictures made. Yep..pictures. In all my flat glory. I decided at the spur of the moment to wear ‘the girls’. And of course, when I had to take them off, she could see them on the chair with my top.

So the conversation began.

And I learned some things I wish I had known from the git go. I learned I am in the “infancy” of my recovery and pain is to be expected since I have scar tissue mixed in with my muscles. Nice, huh?! So that helped explain the soreness that followed the pattern of work out, get sore, rest, get better, wear the bra and foobs, get sore, rest, get better. It was obvious the pain was connected, but still very disheartening when I *expected* to just get used to them and wear them. (I also expected to push hard at working out and progress quickly and that hasn’t happened either..sigh!) So at least I had my feelings validated on that. But I wish I had known that right away so it would have been expected, rather than a frustrating surprise.

She told me the door is still open for reconstruction and that many of the issues I’m having now would be resolved. Implants are much softer than what I’m wearing in my bra now. I know because she told me…and because I touched the samples when I was in the room by myself. That was also eye opening for me. Her other option was to go back to the bra/prosthetic store and talk to them. Maybe a different bra or a different insert would help. So I went over there after my visit and we discussed more options. There are some training wheel prosthetics, for girls that have just had their surgery. They are foam with a fabric cover instead of silicone and much softer and lighter weight. So they are going to order some for me in a couple of sizes and I’ll go back and try those on and see what I think. They might be the stop gap measure I need to get me over the hump until I get all this scar tissue broken up that’s in my chest. (just typing that makes me hurt!)

Another thing about the implants is I really don’t want another surgery..or two..as the case may be. I am just getting started on exercising etc and I don’t want to mess with any of that.

But the implants are on the table so to speak. I have been wearing my prosthetics more since my appointment and I’m doing fairly well with them. So perhaps they will level out soon and then the implants won’t be an issue anymore. We will see.

on abiding

This was in my reading this morning before church. The words are so simple, yet so beautiful. I had to share. : )

As its light opens on your waking eyes, accept it in these terms: A day, just one day only, but still a day, given to abide and grow up in Jesus Christ. Whether it be a day of health or sickness, joy or sorrow, rest or work, of struggle or victory, let the chief thought with which you receive it in the morning thanksgiving be this: “This is the day that the Father has given; in it I may, I must, become more closely united with Jesus.”

-Andrew Murray from Abide in Christ

a chance meeting

A while back during my hiatus here I went on a little trip. I don’t like to fly. I used to but not so much anymore.

But I flew.

I found my seat and waited for the rest of the people to find their seats. I sweet lady sat down next to me. 

I’m so thankful.

Her name is Natalie. (see her comments on this and this post)  Gasp…yes I gave her the url to my blog…first IRL person EVER.  Anyway, we chatted much along the trip. She is recovering from a surgery that has left her arm in a sling and I am recovering as well. So we bonded over our surgeries and struggles to get better.

I gave her gum and offered to help fasten her seatbelt and get things out of her bag.

But she offered up prayer for me on the plane before it landed. Such a treasure. Makes my gum and simple assistance seem like a pretty small gift.  But I know we were both in the right place at the right time. I’m so thankful we had more to bond over than the things going on with our bodies.

So if you’re reading Natalie…thanks for befriending a girl on a plane and being such an encouragement to me during an unsure time.

Hope you are well, sweet new friend.

Hugs and love! : )

taking a break

I am taking a bit of a blogging break.

I am overwhelmed with life right now. And there is just so much I need to learn to be able to keep myself healthy…eating and exercising and many other things. And they really need to be done properly to help me optimally in the long run.

But it takes a while. And a lot of prayer and effort. So I will see you girls later. : )

for the rest of my life

I know I’m making a lot of lifestyle changes. And I am enjoying them. Really, I am. But there are some days that the weight of all the changes, plus everything else just weighs heavy on me.

I was walking the other day, with all these things running through my head. I was overwhelmed with all the new things in my life that feel like “must-do’s” and I was starting to get really stressed out. And a little depressed.

All I could think about was…I am going to be trying to do ‘all these things’ and struggle to stay well for the rest of my life.

It was a lot to take in. And it sounded so much like the truth. Isn’t the enemy brilliant at making things sound so *right* inside our heads?

But thankfully there was another Voice not far behind that one. Saying “no daughter, all you need to do is love Me for the rest of your life and I will take care of you.”

*tears*

So that is where I am today. At times in both places. The place where I am stressed out. And the place where I am resting in the Love of my Father. Hopefully in the coming days the Truth will be more alive to me and the “other voice” will be drowned out by His Love.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

a new twist on breakfast

I like to eat breakfast, but I am ashamed to say that it used to consist of either toast (with jelly) or something like Cheerios.

Since this new turn of events in my life, I’ve been changing just about everything about how I eat. One of those changes was my morning meal.

I started eating oatmeal. And not the stuff in the packets either! I must admit I just buy “old fashioned” oatmeal…I haven’t graduated up to the steel cut stuff…yet! Baby steps.

I have never liked oatmeal much, but I knew it was super healthy for me. And when I had company for a week that cooked it for me…in a different way every day…I began to see oatmeal in a new light…as a blank canvas.

So these days, I am likely to eat apple cinnamon, almond coconut, or banana oatmeal. And they are all YUMMY. : )

My basic oatmeal “recipe” for my one serving is 1/3 cup of oatmeal and 2/3 cup almond milk (I get the unsweetened kind), a little drizzle of honey, a few shakes of stevia and a teaspoon full of (refined…meaning unflavored) coconut oil. Bring to a bubble and cook to desired doneness.

But to that, I add the goodies…a little bit of applesauce and some cinnamon with a splash of vanilla. Or about a half of the smallest baby food jar size of banana and some vanilla. Or non-refined coconut oil (meaning it tastes like coconuts…unlike refined oil) and some almond extract.

Sometimes I put some flax seeds in the mini blender with a spice grinding blade and make some powdered flax to sprinkle on top.

It’s very yummy and it fills me up much better than toast of cereal. As a matter of fact, I don’t even miss it. And THAT is saying something. : )

food tv

The buzz all around is that Paula Deen *finally* admitted to having type 2 diabetes. Surprise!

not.

I feel bad that she’s got diabetes. I really do. But what bugs me are the recipes all the FN “stars” put out. Just about everything is decadent. It’s all about taste and not very often about health or nutrition. I find myself totally uninterested in Food Network (and sadly we don’t get the Cooking Channel) because there isn’t anything on there I want to eat! Every once in a while Rachael Ray will make something that is healthy…she is all over the board with her recipes, so sometimes it’s good for ya. And I know I can think of recipes here and there that are ok, so I don’t want to get nailed for this. But by and large, most of the stuff on that channel is bad for you.

When are these cooking stars going to start taking things more seriously and use their powers for good instead of evil make healthy food???

And especially Paula because she has now gone on tv and admitted she has a disease directly linked to the way she eats…whether she wants to admit it or not. I know there are other factors…trust me I know…both my parents were diabetic. But what we eat is a big player in this. A big one.

Come on “stars”…help us eat good food that’s healthy too!