a bump in the road

Benign. I will start my story with that word and move on from there. I hate it when someone writes a post that has me worried and I struggle to quickly scan to see if the person is ok and miss most of their content because I am looking for the answer.

So I’ll start with the answer…it’s benign.

The other day I felt two strange bumps on my chest, right beside one of my scars. I know! Not the sort of thing a sort of girl like me wanted to feel.

I went to my onc, and he didn’t seem too worried about it. At first, he thought I should just watch it…or have a biopsy. And then he said maybe I should just go see my surgeon “because two heads are better than one” and see what she thought. Her thought was to either watch it…or have it removed. Both of them thought it might be a suture or scar tissue doing something weird. Neither of them were very concerned or freaked out about it. (which really surprised me…and calmed me in a strange sort of way)

But in the end, both of them leaned towards me having it checked out.

So today I had surgery to have two very small lumps removed from my left ‘chest’. (my issues were all on the right in the beginning) I found it mildly amusing that they called my little surgery today a “breast biopsy” because I don’t HAVE breasts. Anyway… I guess I’m easily amused.

I won’t lie… I was scared this wasn’t going to end up as the ‘nothing’ they both tried to reassure me it was, if you get my drift. I was worried. I have been so ready to get to today and get it over with for quite some time now. And it finally came and went.

I really like my breast surgeon. She’s older and all business but she is kind and gentle too. She immediately knew when she got in there that I just had a little bundle of flesh that grew around a stitch causing a small knot. “Totally benign”…her words. I was a bit surprised to have the ‘results’ of this so quickly. I was figuring I’d have to wait for labs etc to know anything, but I guess it was pretty easy for her to see what it was.

I am so thankful today is done. And that I already know what was going on inside me.

Now to heal up. Again. I keep wondering if this is a couple of steps back as far as wearing a bra and the foobs. I really don’t know how long the healing process will be for this little tiny surgery.

But that is ok. : ) 

white plates

This may be the dumbest post ever, but it is neat to me…so here goes. : )

Since I’ve been making so many “lifestyle changes” since my diagnosis, one of the things I wondered about were my plates. They were stoneware and made in China. Um yeah. I’ve read horror stories about how they can leach chemicals etc and we end up eating it. Not cool.

And even though my plates were much beloved…they were a wedding gift after all…they were also very worn. And even a bit outdated.

So I thought I would get some new plates. And for some reason, I was always drawn to white plates.  But I began to wonder if getting new plates was going to be any better for me than my old ones. And then several places I read brought me back to something so simple that it hadn’t really occurred to me.

Corelle.

Yes, that stuff my mom had. Super thin and almost always with some sort of kitchy pattern on it. But then I went to Corelle’s web site…and looked at Walmart…and found some really pretty plates. Corelle Ware.

And I love them.  

They are white and fresh and healthy food looks so delicious on them. I love that.

But the other thing I love about them has been more subtle in presenting itself. But a little background first…I’ve struggled with loading my dishwasher since I got it. And the biggest headache for me were the plates. My stoneware plates were so thick that they would only fit in one spot and if we used more than ‘the usual’ in a day, it was a big headache for me when it came time to load the dishes. (I guess you can see how I feel about hand washing dishes…anyhoo…)

As I’ve been using these new dishes, I’ve noticed that since they are thinner, I have many more options for getting them loaded…they offer much more flexibility and I can configure the rack with the plates many more ways than I could in the past. And since I do so much more cooking…and different kinds of cooking..than I did in the past, this is such a wonderful discovery!

On the surface, this could seem like a happy coincidence. But I can see it as more than that. I knew I needed new plates for one reason. But God knew He could lead me to the proper dishes to help me out in another way…and I way that I never even gave much thought.

Every time I load the dishes, I smile at my beautiful white plates and am so mindful of God’s unique provision

magnify

Growing up there were many ‘church words’ that I didn’t understand.

To be honest, a lot of church words are still sometimes a mystery.

O Magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt His name together. Ps 34:3

I have heard the word magnify and read it and sung it and thought it but never really got what it means. Maybe I still don’t…but God is opening me up to see glimpses of what it means.

When I look at the moon, it is small. If I looked it with a telescope, it would be big. It hasn’t changed in size, but I see it differently because that’s what I am focusing on. My perspective has changed.

When I look at problems or my health or anything else, it can seem so BIG sometimes. A weight too big to carry. And then I look at God and He seems small compared to everything around me that I am focusing on.

Maybe I need to use my ‘telescope’ (prayer) and focus on God instead of the things around me. And then I can see Him better and the things that weigh on me would be smaller in comparison.

Perspective is a tricky thing and I am determined to keep my eyes focused on the One that matters most.

health vs taste

Back in the day when I made soup. it had chicken, carrots and potato. Along with canned tomato and flavorings etc.

Now, when I make chicken and veggie soup, it has chicken, carrots, zucchini squash, cabbage (and anything else I can think of at the time that’s not nutritionally vacant),  tomato,  tomato sauce and chicken broth. *And as many of these in organic form as possible.* But notice that the potato made an exit from the list. Really, it doesn’t offer much nutrition wise and it’s high in carbs. So bu-bye! Instead I add penne pasta from Barilla plus with omegas.

I cook the noodles at mealtime, put them in the bottom of the bowl and ladle on the soup on top. It works very well and the noodles don’t get all mushy. And a much better choice than a potato, which I can rarely find organic anyway.

It fills my crock pot. Enough for us and a couple more meals.

Last week I had left overs and took them to eat with a friend. We both enjoyed the soup, which as always, tasted better the second day. But then my friend confided to me that she doesn’t really care for cabbage.

Shhh…here is a little secret…I’m not a huge fan of cabbage either.

But I’m not eating solely to please my taste buds these days. Nutrition trumps taste EVERY time. And cabbage is crazy healthy. Oh yes…I also put chopped parsley on top after I ladle up my bowl. And here’s another secret…I don’t like parsley that much either.

But it’s super healthy for me, so I eat it.

I have JOKINGLY been labeled the food police. But really, I just feel like a bit of a weirdo because I eat for the health benefit of it, rather than solely for flavor.

If I weren’t sitting where I am now with my health, I would have been in the chorus of people making cute little remarks about healthy eating habits and having a good laugh about it. But to me, right now, it isn’t a laughing matter. And from here on out, it never will be. I HAVE TO eat healthy from now on. Period. My risk does not diminish after five years…it is stretched out over a lifetime. So my ‘new’ eating habits must be a permanent part of my life. Not just for a little while, or on certain days.

I just wish I could go back and talk to my pre-illness self about all of this. It might have made some sort of difference. I might be eating better only because I want to.

Not because I have to.

And that’s sobering food for thought.

almost full time fashion accessory

I thought I’d update you all on the foobs (fake boobs). Things are going better, thankfully. Just about the time I thought wearing them for any length of time was a lost cause, I turned the corner.

For the most part, I am now finally (it seems to me) able to wear my foobs somewhat predictably. I’ve worn them ‘full time’ over the last couple of weeks. There are days that I take them off before I make dinner, but for the most part I’m making it the whole day. Sometimes I take most of Sunday off too, just to give my chest a rest. I think that has helped me a good bit too. 

I am also able to work out with them on. I am so thankful for this, because it means I don’t have to juggle putting them on then taking them off every time I turn around. I can just wear them.

One day though, I didn’t wear them because I was doing some heavy duty house cleaning and I just didn’t want to push it. And there wasn’t a reason why I had to wear them to clean house. So I didn’t.

But then it came time for me to go walk and I had to decide if I wanted to put them on to go walk, since I now can walk (hard) in them. But I decided not to do that. I rarely see anybody other than the sweet lady that checks me in, and she knows ‘the scoop’. So who am I trying to impress here, ya know?!

I am still struggling to find clothes to accommodate my new restrictions. The tank top I’m wearing in this post is a new purchase. It was on clearance from Lands End (score!) and I thought it would work so well. But since that top is technically a shell and not a true tank top, the fabric is thinner, and while that is great for the summer heat, it’s not so great for laying flat. So as the day wears on, the top rim of the top folds over and puckers in weird ways. While sitting in a restaurant booth, I’ve asked hubs to tell me what he can see, if anything. And a few times in the Lands End tops, he has reported that he could see what we call ‘dips’ which is where my anatomy sinks in rather than protrudes. I bought some more tank tops today…super cheap ones…but they are cut a slight bit higher, and they seem to be better at staying ‘put’.

But this whole thing has left me with many things to ponder. I know of women that wouldn’t wear a tank top at all since given just the exact wrong angle and circumstance, their bra and or foob would show, since it peaks out of the side edges of the bra. Do I try to keep that 100% covered, and struggle that much harder to find clothes that ‘work’. Or do I do the best I can, trying of course, to keep it to a bare minimum of incidences where something ‘weird’ might be seen. I can see points on both sides of the fence. For now, I am opting for the later. I am not going to be sooo obsessed that somebody might see in my arm hole or down my shirt at just the wrong time etc, that I end up in turtle necks all the time. Having said that, I am very conscious of any situation that could show something I don’t want to show…leaning down to pick things up, waiters being ‘over’ me and armholes being high enough…so that I am as modest as possible.

Of course, it would be easier if our summers weren’t so hot that it feels like the surface of the sun. : )

freaky Friday

I was doing fine this morning. Minding my own business and everything.
Just finished the second ‘leg’ of my twice weekly grocery store journey.
First Walmart, for the boring stuff…I think I had a bathroom rug on my list this week along with tortillas and assorted other odds and ends.
And then I headed to our local health food store to load up on all the goodies I can get there. The most ‘exotic’ thing on my list today was peppermint essential oil to make lip balm. Along with lots of veggies and a bottle of vitamins.
Easy peasy….I do this all the time. So I got everything loaded in and headed home and I all of the sudden noticed this buzzing sound coming from inside the van. It totally freaked me out! I couldn’t see it but I could hear it. Loud and clear.
And then I saw it…crawling on the dashboard. A giant bee! With a stinger and everything. OHMIGOSHOHMIGOSHOHMIGOSH!!!
I quickly pulled into a parking lot and flew hopped out of my van just as the silly thing landed on my leg. Thankfully I was able to brush him off before he ‘got’ me.
So I hopped back in my van, huffing and puffing from all the crazy. And made my way home.
This post could have alternately been titled unusual ways to get my cardio in. Cuz I totally did.
This counts, right?

bluebonnets and grace

The other day, the hubs and I went for a walk along the city’s walk and bike trails. And this is what we saw…

..bluebonnets. Lots and lots of bluebonnets! They are the state flower and very much beloved.  It’s very common to see them in state parks and along the highway.

And in city parks too.

I just had to take pics. I love them so much!

Just so pretty.

Which brings me to my little bloggy makeover. I have to give a big shout out to (Suz who talked to) Dawn at Beyond Grace who made the header (Using one of my pics) and all the little label pics. They are so cute. I love pink but even I was getting tired of the brightness with my old design. This is very fresh, crisp and clean. I hope you like it as much as I do.

Thanks Dawn! : )