the aftermath

I walked in the door with the empty carrier and wasn't quite sure what to do with myself.

I knew I needed to clean the litter box area and throw all of that stuff away. I mean..I was sad, but that wasn't my idea of something special to keep.

I cleaned things up and threw some things away. I washed the towel from her carrier and her special blanket. My girl put the blanket on her bed and I put the towel away with all the old 'extra' towels we rarely use.

If I walked past the bathroom, my head turned involuntarily to check to see if the litter box needed scooping. If I walked past the bedroom, I looked for her form in the crumpled up covers on the bed. In the mornings, I shed tears because I didn't have that cute little furry mouth to feed and doctor. My daughter checked the hallway every time she left the bathroom. She also missed being needed for drinks at the bathtub water fountain.

So many routines just shattered by loss.

But mainly I just rattled around the house, numb with grief.

I know she was just a kitty. But the grief is very palpable.

And in some ways, it set me back in grieving our little boy. So many similarities. I was the main caregiver for both. So many routines just gone. I was buried for a number of days. It was so hard. And for the first time, I experienced an anniversary of Bub's without Annabelle to sit and watch me to make sure I was ok, if I got upset. I felt a little lost. I would sometimes just hold her and cry..and now I needed her to cry into and she was gone too.

We are some better now. My sweet friend bought cute little necklaces for us within minutes of AB's passing and had those in the mail to us very quickly. We think of her and smile more than crying now. And somewhere along the way, I ordered necklaces with Annabelle's name on them. We wear one or both of those every day. It helps us. We can see them and smile and think of her.

We miss our sweet kitty. But thankful for all the love we could share with her..even if she didn't always 'love' in return. Cats!