a living, furry parable

We knew a short time after we lost Bub, that a pet was going to be in our future. We had the tug of war…dog-cat-dog-cat? But then finally settled on getting a cat. The girl has been crazy for kitties since she could barely say “kitty”. So that was settled. We would get a cat. I remember one day the hubs and I were out shopping at Walmart while she was at school and we bought food bowls, a carrier, litter, toys, a bed etc. But we didn’t get a cat.

We waited and waited and waited. But “someday” we would get a cat.

One day I was driving home from taking the girl to school and I had this really strong impression that today was ‘the’ day we had been waiting for. The day to go shopping for a cat. It sort of threw me off, and I prayed about the whole cat thing. And more and more I knew it was cat shopping day.

So I came home and told the hubs this, since he was home from work that day…coincidentally.  (I add that word as a joke because there really isn’t room for coincidence when God is at work.)

So we went to our local shelter. There were two cats. One of them pretty much had a sign on the cage that said she was the spawn of the devil didn’t get along with kids, had trouble with this or that etc. You get the picture. So we focused on the ‘other’ cat. But she was our only choice. So we headed to a pet store or two and another shelter, but there were NO kitties available for us. So we went back to our shelter and looked again at ‘the other cat’ again.

She was cute as a button and purred constantly.

And I guess you can figure out that the other cat was our Annabelle. We adopted her on Valentine’s Day of 2003. She was born in the fall of 2002….the same year we lost Bub.

This little kitty came into our lives and as you can guess, we fell for her immediately. We read all the books and did everything we were supposed to do so that she would bond especially with the girl. As this was kind of supposed to be her cat. But she didn’t really care that much for the girl. My husband on the other hand would rough house her and I was afraid she would become afraid of him. Instead she fell madly in love with him. And she still is.

And then there is me…I was pretty much crazy about her from the git go. She was cute and funny and she filled our home with the pitter patter of little feet once again. And not unlike parenting a human child, I took most of the care for her as well. Vet visits, scooping, feeding etc. And I as I said before, I fell in love with her.

I loved her no matter what.

I loved her when she begged for food. I loved her when she bit my feet in bed. I loved her when she meowed wanting that toy that went behind the couch and I had to crawl around on the floor to pick it up. I even loved just plain ole looking at her. Even when she ignored me.

And I’ve tried through the years to show affection to her by picking her up and wrapping her in my arms. But she fights and fights and pushes with those little paws until I have no choice but to put her down and let her do her thing. The only time that she seems to really crave me or my affection is when we go to the vet. She crawls into my arms like a baby and I hold her like one with her little head resting against my shoulder and cheek. I love it, but all too soon, we’re done with the vet and back home. And she goes back to ignoring me interspersed with pouncing my feet as I walk across the living room. And still I love her.

For many years, I have struggled with why God wanted us to have this cat. This cat that doesn’t love me…and merely tolerates my girl. (she has gotten a little better with the girl, btw)

And then one day God said something to me.

You and your cat are a lot alike. You come to me “meowing” expecting Me to do certain things for you. But sometimes when I try to love you, you push and shove Me away and run and hide. There are times when you come to Me just to be with Me and let Me hold you and those times are beautiful. But there are other times you do not and yet I still love and care for you. And yet when you’re pushing Me away, I can’t give you a fuller measure of the very thing your heart desires more than anything else. Me.

At first I didn’t know what to think about this. I would say in my heart that it was true. Or that it wasn’t true, depending on my mood. But that was about all. It’s only of late that I have really been letting myself be broken and made small so that I can have more of the very thing my heart desires more than anything else. Him.