a crabby patty kinda day

I don't even know where to start. I guess I could first say 'hi'. And I've missed you all. I miss blogging but at the same time, I draw a blank often times when I sit down to write. Or I think of plenty to write while on the walking track at the gym but have little time to devote to my topic of the day. 

Anyway, here I am. And I think it's good to say "I'm fine". Really I am. 

But some days just kick me in the teeth and make me wonder why I didn't cry 'uncle' long before now. 

There's a lot going on...my hormones are all out of whack, which is to be expected. But they got a little more whacked out. And I really (really!) need some estrogen but I'm afraid to take some. Two doctors have proposed what they say is a safe way for me to get a little boost, but they don't agree on what is best. So I am stranded somewhere in the middle. 

I've about decided to take door number three. Which is do nothing, (which was a viable option when I talked to the nurse practitioner at my gyn's office) and wait for my body to sort of repair itself and bounce back. All the while feeling like I have a yeast infection. 

You're welcome for the fun times imagery there. : ) 

So there is that. It's been an ongoing thing for about three months now, healing what *was* a yeast infection and now just being really messed up. Down there. Wink wink. So it's come down to this...and which door to walk through. And all of them except do nothing carry some risk. But offer the most immediate healing. Ugh. Not an enviable position to be in. 

And then I went bra shopping today. Not fun. They stopped carrying the brand that kinda fits me. I tried on a hand full of bras...all the ones the shop carried...and none of them fit. I ended up buying (well my insurance did) what they call a leisure bra. Nice for Sunday afternoons or stay at home days. Looks way better under my clothes than some of the regular support bras she tried to sell me on.

I always wear a really simple top when I go try on, so I can slip my top back on and get an idea of what the bra looks like with clothes. I was shocked at how horrible they all looked. Very lumpy and bizarre. When I commented on how bad it looked under my clothes, she said "well if you're going to wear a shirt like THAT'. ??? My wardrobe is already drastically reduced because of all of this...I just couldn't stand to be told that I couldn't even wear a basic top. 

Adulthood? None of this was in the brochure. 

We are having salmon croquettes for dinner. Or as we like to call them, crabby patties. Today it's appropriate. ; )  Thanks for listening to me fuss and complain chronicle my 'journey'...some days it feels like smooth sailing and other days I feel like I've been pushed off a cliff. But I guess it's all a part of the trip.

Hugs and love, my friends. : )